I Tried To Die

                               By Phil Scovell

          I met George a year and a half ago.  He had taken his gun up into
     the hills near his home in Oklahoma one day to end his life.  He was a
     born again Christian but the  depression and anxiety attacks just were
     no longer bearable.

          As  he sat  and  tried to  generate enough  courage  to pull  the
     trigger, his mind tried to understand how he had gotten to this point.
     After  a few minutes, he told the Lord that he just refused to believe
     that the God of  the universe, the Creator of all  things, didn't have
     an  answer for what he was  suffering.  He told  the Lord he would try
     finding the answer one more time and went home.

          sitting  in front of his computer,  he typed in a search command.
     My website came up and my phone rang soon thereafter.

          George and  I have been buddies  now for the last 18  months.  We
     have  prayed together,  laughed together,  discussed  and studied  the
     Scriptures  together, and even  cried together.  You  see, his 23 year
     old daughter was soon to die.

          From  3 months  of age,  they were  told that their  daughter had
     cystic fibrosis.   She did  fairly well until  she turned 20  years of
     age.   Then,  her  relationship  with the  Lord  began to  spiritually
     decline and so did her physical body.

          For the  last time in her young life,  she was transported to the
     hospital 110 miles from  her home.  Her mother and  father stayed with
     her every minute  of the nearly 6 months which followed.  They watched
     her life slowly  ebb away, as she  struggled for breath, while  at the
     same time, doing  everything in their  power, including believing  and
     speaking life in the name of Jesus,  in order to see her healed.   She

          A couple of days  before Jennifer's death, I was praying  for her
     and her family.  I remember saying to the Lord at that  time, "Lord, I
     am 53 years old.  Jennifer is only 23 years old.  I'll gladly exchange
     my 53  years for her 23 years.  Let her live, Father, and take my life
     in exchange for her's."  I was not joking; I meant every word I said.

          Then  I heard His voice.   "You don't need  to give your life for
     her's.  I already have."

          Did  this make  her  death any  easier  for me?    How about  her
     parents?   Of course  not.  It  was truth, however,  and truth sets us
     free according to John 8:32, and that  is why Jennifer went to Heaven.
     You see, Jesus does not  need us to save anyone;  He wants us to  live
     with Him as the  Lord of our  life.   Our  responsibility is to  live,
     that  is, live  in Him so  He can  live in us  and in  those whom have
     called upon His name to be born again.

          During  the week  following her  death, I  was thinking  about my
     offer  and what the Lord had said to  me that He had already given His
     life for her's.  In my offer, I  had requested two things if I were to
     give my life  for Jennifer's.  First, the Lord would  have to heal her
     and give  her a long life.   Secondly, she would have to  live for God
     throughout the balance of her life on earth.  Once  again, I heard the
     Holy Spirit speaking.  "You  have parameters and limitations but Jesus
     made no such requests when He died.  He gave his life willingly, while
     at the same time, knowing that many would come to Him to be born again
     but then would live their own life their own way."

          I was greatly humbled by what I heard in my spirit.  It was true.
     Jesus did give Himself  for us and made no deals.   He knew some would
     receive Him as  Savior for the forgiveness of their sins but not claim
     Him  as  the Lord  of  their  life.    Yet  he  died  and  was  bodily
     resurrected, regardless and irrespective of  what we would do with His

          So  in honor of a young  woman's life, I ask  you, are you saved?
     Are you born again?  Are your sins forgiven?  Are you going to meat my
     young friend,  Jennifer, who is walking  with the Lord in  Heaven now?
     Have you submitted  yourself to the Lord Jesus  Christ, confessing you
     are a  sinner and  cannot save  yourself, and  asking Him  to be  your
     Savior?  If  so, Has  He become  the Lord of  your life  and of  every
     situation you face?  Do you even know how to allow Him  to be the Lord
     of your life?  If not, call me and let's talk.

                               End Of Document

     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado
     Mountain Time Zone

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