I Tried To Die
By Phil Scovell
I met George a year and a half ago. He had taken his gun up into
the hills near his home in Oklahoma one day to end his life. He was a
born again Christian but the depression and anxiety attacks just were
no longer bearable.
As he sat and tried to generate enough courage to pull the
trigger, his mind tried to understand how he had gotten to this point.
After a few minutes, he told the Lord that he just refused to believe
that the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, didn't have
an answer for what he was suffering. He told the Lord he would try
finding the answer one more time and went home.
sitting in front of his computer, he typed in a search command.
My website came up and my phone rang soon thereafter.
George and I have been buddies now for the last 18 months. We
have prayed together, laughed together, discussed and studied the
Scriptures together, and even cried together. You see, his 23 year
old daughter was soon to die.
From 3 months of age, they were told that their daughter had
cystic fibrosis. She did fairly well until she turned 20 years of
age. Then, her relationship with the Lord began to spiritually
decline and so did her physical body.
For the last time in her young life, she was transported to the
hospital 110 miles from her home. Her mother and father stayed with
her every minute of the nearly 6 months which followed. They watched
her life slowly ebb away, as she struggled for breath, while at the
same time, doing everything in their power, including believing and
speaking life in the name of Jesus, in order to see her healed. She
A couple of days before Jennifer's death, I was praying for her
and her family. I remember saying to the Lord at that time, "Lord, I
am 53 years old. Jennifer is only 23 years old. I'll gladly exchange
my 53 years for her 23 years. Let her live, Father, and take my life
in exchange for her's." I was not joking; I meant every word I said.
Then I heard His voice. "You don't need to give your life for
her's. I already have."
Did this make her death any easier for me? How about her
parents? Of course not. It was truth, however, and truth sets us
free according to John 8:32, and that is why Jennifer went to Heaven.
You see, Jesus does not need us to save anyone; He wants us to live
with Him as the Lord of our life. Our responsibility is to live,
that is, live in Him so He can live in us and in those whom have
called upon His name to be born again.
During the week following her death, I was thinking about my
offer and what the Lord had said to me that He had already given His
life for her's. In my offer, I had requested two things if I were to
give my life for Jennifer's. First, the Lord would have to heal her
and give her a long life. Secondly, she would have to live for God
throughout the balance of her life on earth. Once again, I heard the
Holy Spirit speaking. "You have parameters and limitations but Jesus
made no such requests when He died. He gave his life willingly, while
at the same time, knowing that many would come to Him to be born again
but then would live their own life their own way."
I was greatly humbled by what I heard in my spirit. It was true.
Jesus did give Himself for us and made no deals. He knew some would
receive Him as Savior for the forgiveness of their sins but not claim
Him as the Lord of their life. Yet he died and was bodily
resurrected, regardless and irrespective of what we would do with His
So in honor of a young woman's life, I ask you, are you saved?
Are you born again? Are your sins forgiven? Are you going to meat my
young friend, Jennifer, who is walking with the Lord in Heaven now?
Have you submitted yourself to the Lord Jesus Christ, confessing you
are a sinner and cannot save yourself, and asking Him to be your
Savior? If so, Has He become the Lord of your life and of every
situation you face? Do you even know how to allow Him to be the Lord
of your life? If not, call me and let's talk.
End Of Document
Mountain Time Zone
Go To HOME: SafePlaceFellowship.COM