Once I Was Blind But Now I See


                               By Phil Scovell





          A man had called and scheduled a time of prayer  in my office for
     the first time.   When he had made the appointment, I  had been in the
     middle of doing something, I forget  what just now, and I failed,  not
     only to  ask for  the man's phone  number, but  I never even  gave him
     instructions  about where  my office  was.   I  normally tell  people,
     especially those coming to my office, about my website and if they are
     on the internet,  I recommend some  reading of the  testimonies on  my
     site before they come.  I failed even to do that this time.

          Something else I also do when people are coming to my  office the
     first time, and I am certain some blind people would strongly disagree
     with this practice, but I inform the person coming to my office that I
     am blind.  Why, you  may ask?  Because, I figure  it is only fair.   I
     still find people who have never met a blind person  in their life and
     I still find people who are uncomfortable praying with a blind person.
     In fact, I have been told, by more than one person, I cannot do what I
     do  because you have to be able to  see.  Since I have friends who are
     practicing  psychologists who  are blind, and  since I  am not  even a
     counselor but just pray with people  as a pastor, I figure, even  as a
     blind person, I  should be able to do  what the Lord has  called me to
     do, regardless of what  others think or feel.  I  still consider it to
     be honest to  inform the person  coming to my  office that I am  blind
     just in case  they personally prefer not to come to a blind person for
     ministry.  I  failed to  do this recently  with the man  coming to  my
     office for the first time.

          A couple of  hours before he arrived, I was thinking about all of
     this and  praying for him often throughout the day.  What I was really
     doing  is praying,  that is, exchanging  my thoughts  with God,  but I
     realize some  have no idea  what I am talking  about so that  is why I
     said I was thinking about all of this before the man came.  I thought,
     "What if he doesn't want  a blind person to  pray with him, it  making
     him so uncomfortable, he prefers to leave?"  When this thought crossed
     my mind,  I heard myself, inside, laugh.  My  answer?  "So what."  For
     the first time  in my life, I realized  something was different inside
     and I didn't  care if I was blind.  Something had spiritually changed.
     I  cannot explain  this  feeling  because, frankly,  I  never knew  it
     existed to tell  the truth, so this new thought was  a big surprise to
     me.  Yet, I laughed about it and that was even more surprising.

          Does  this mean,  therefore, I  was hyper  sensitive  about being
     blind?   Not that I know of, no.   Does it mean I must have felt shame
     of some type concerning being blind?  No, I know it doesn't mean that.
     Does it  mean, I  was sad, mad,  angry, upset,  frustrated, depressed,
     disappointed, discouraged,  annoyed, broken,  freaked out,  miserable,
     unbalanced,  maladjusted,  or  any  other  negative  emotional  psycho
     dynamics you  want to identify?  Maybe  all of the above but  I know I
     rarely ever thought about being blind.   So what's the difference now?
     Something changed and the question in my mind was not mine.  Perhaps I
     should explain what I just said.

          When I  say, I  exchange my thoughts  with God,  that means  I am
     praying.  When  I say,  I am  exchanging my thoughts  for God's,  that
     means I am taking ever thought captive and letting the Lord's thoughts
     become mine.  That is called faith.  Well, that's what I call it.  Let
     me identify what I think really was going on.

          I believe the Enemy  uses anything, and everything, he can to try
     and keep us from developing a personal relationship with the True Lord
     Jesus Christ.  Blindness, and  all of the ramifications that go  along
     with it, is just one thing  the Enemy can use.  I could  probably name
     at  least 100 other things he uses but  I'll let you do the math.  You
     can  start  with  divorce,  sexual  abuse,  homosexuality, pedophilia,
     gossip,  lying,  immorality,  emotional traumatization  of  any  sort,
     victimization of any  sort, grief from  the loss of  a loved one,  and
     there  are ten  right off the  bat.   I felt as  if I  failed God once
     because the church I pastored folded.  You don't think the  Enemy used
     that one  against me?  It took me three years of lost works to recover
     from that  one and another 10  years before the truth came  and set me
     free.  May I  point out, how I felt wasn't sin and  I had done nothing
     wrong?  Yes,  the Enemy even uses things  that aren't sin to  entrap a
     person.  He never plays fair; not ever.

          By now, I think  you already are beginning to think  about what I
     am saying and, most likely, beginning  to identify other areas of your
     own life which can be used against  you for the same reasons.  If such
     is  the case, it isn't  me, it is  the Holy Spirit  ministering to you
     because He, the Holy Spirit, wants to bring us closer, much closer, to
     Jesus.  Sometimes we  are not able to reach  a conclusion on our  own.
     This is  where accountability  comes in  as one  of the most  valuable
     tools of relationship available to the Body of Christ.  Unfortunately,
     such  accountability is  rarely available  in  most churches.   I  am,
     though, available, on the other hand.

          Let me also  expand my feelings about  the change which  was made
     aware to me by the Holy Spirit.  The next day, when I was thinking and
     meditating  on  what I  had learned,  I tried  to describe  the actual
     emotional feeling I had at that moment of awareness.  When it came, it
     almost knocked me  over because it was  that physical in nature.   The
     feeling I had  of "So what," was  the actual feeling as if  I were not
     blind in  the first place.  I know  that sounds ridiculously weird but
     it was  the identifiable emotion  at that  very moment.   I literally,
     felt as if I were suddenly not blind at all.  What does all this mean?
     I  have  a pretty  good  idea but  most  people reading  this wouldn't
     believe it even if I explained it.  So, instead, let's just let God be
     God.  He's the only one who knows the truth anyhow.

          Now, if  you are blind  and reading this, your  personal feelings
     probably are  telling you, "But  I've adjusted to my  blindness."  Me,
     too.  Sure, I  had thoughts over the passed 41 years of blindness that
     a lot of things could be much simpler if I weren't blind.   If you can
     show  me a blind person who hasn't had such thoughts, please put me in
     touch with them because I would like  to personally meet them.  At any
     rate, I  had been to  the rehabilitation organizations and  the school
     for the  blind so  I had  been programed  to think  unblind just  like
     everyone else who is blind.  So, in short, I've been  happy throughout
     the last 40 years plus of my life. Even after fifteen eye surgeries.

          My point is,  however, being adjusted is  not being free.   It is
     somewhat like the sinner.  He may live a Godly life, or attempt to, by
     going to  church, reading the bible,  praying to the  God of creation,
     even worshiping Him, but it does not mean he has ever been born again.
     In fact, he may live all those good things just to attempt to prove to
     himself that he is God worthy.   It isn't his worthiness that  counts;
     it is  the worthiness  of the True  Lord Jesus  Christ that  makes the
     difference.  If  one embraces this, according to  Scripture, and calls
     upon the  name of the Lord to  be save, he is set  free from works and
     the destruction  of sin.  In my testimony  I am attempting to explain,
     the  same  is true,  that is,  the truth  sets us  free as  born again
     believers.   In short, the  person living a  Godly life  without being
     born  again might  feel  spiritually  adjusted but  he  isn't free  of
     destruction and eternal damnation.

          If you are not free and have no one with which to pray, call me.

     Safe Place Fellowship
     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado USA
     Mountain Time Zone

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