The Naked Truth


                               By Phil Scovell





                               Matthew 18:18-20

     18  Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall  be
     bound  in heaven:  and whatsoever  ye shall  loose on  earth  shall be
     loosed in heaven. 
     19   Again I say unto you, That if  two of you shall agree on earth as
     touching any thing that  they shall ask, it shall be done  for them of
     my Father which is in heaven.
     20  For where two or three are gathered together  in my name, there am
     I in the midst of them.




          I had  no memory, no conscious memory, of the event.  In fact, it
     had been at least fifty years since I had experienced it.  In short, I
     never knew  it was there because it had been  buried so deep, it never
     came to the  surface of my memory.   It had definitely  influenced me,
     however, for five decades.

          There are a number of Christians  today making a living off their
     critical analysis over anything they  don't understand.  They label it
     New  Age,  Biblical  heresy,  Scriptural  skewing,  textual tampering,
     psychological trickery,  psychiatrical theatrics,  eastern meditation,
     medical  quackery, theological  foolishness, doctrinal  dramatization,
     mental magic, and even demonic.   That last one I never have been able
     to  figure  out  because  when  Jesus was  confronted  with  the  same
     criticisms by the religious people of His day, this is what He said to
     them.

     22   Then was brought unto him  one possessed with a devil, blind, and
     dumb: and he healed  him, insomuch that the blind and  dumb both spake
     and saw. 
     23  And all  the people were amazed, and said, Is not  this the son of
     David? 
     24  But when the Pharisees  heard it, they said, This fellow doth  not
     cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils. 
     25  And Jesus  knew their thoughts, and said unto  them, Every kingdom
     divided against  itself is  brought to desolation;  and every  city or
     house divided against itself shall not stand: 
     26   And if Satan cast  out Satan, he is divided  against himself; how
     shall then his kingdom stand? 
     27  And  if I by Beelzebub  cast out devils, by whom  do your children
     cast them out? therefore they shall be your judges.
     28  But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of
     God is come unto you, (Matthew 12:22-28).

     I could be  wrong, of course,  but this response  by our Lord  sort of
     sounded like  a  rebuke.   I  think Jesus  was  trying to  tell  these
     religious  unbelievers  of  what  they  were  witnessing,  that  their
     children were smarter than they  were and if children could understand
     it, well then?"   Interpret it as you wish.  Let me  tell you the rest
     of my experience.

          In  a few prayer sessions several  years ago, we were looking for
     the origin, or  source, of what was causing  anxiety and panic attacks
     that had literally commandeered my life.  I was hearing voices, having
     horrible nightmares,  experiencing brain  fog, and was  unable to  eat
     normally.

          One day,  as this  man and  I did  nothing but  pray together,  a
     picture, like a black  and white photograph, flashed in my  mind.  The
     second  I saw  it, I was  amazed.   I had  never recalled  seeing this
     memory, although it had occurred fifty years ago, but the split second
     I saw the picture, I clearly remembered it.

          As we prayed together, my mind backed up one click, that  is, one
     picture frame.   I was a little boy and could hardly walk.  I remember
     being in our living room.  I couldn't see my mom.  I walked to her bed
     room  door, which was  ajar.  I  remember thinking, maybe  mommy is in
     there.   I walked toward the door and I  recall going slowly because I
     tottered while walking and I didn't want to lose my balance and fall.

          I  put my hands on  the door and pushed and  nearly fell into the
     room.  My mother was stark naked.  She had gone to change her clothes.
     The second I  stepped into the bed  room and saw my  mother completely
     naked,  I froze.  The picture  stopped.  Something was wrong; terribly
     wrong.  I  could feel it in  the air.  I  didn't know what it  was all
     about but  I felt confused and perplexed.  I knew, instinctively, that
     I wasn't supposed to see my mother this way but how could I know that?
     I wasn't even a year old.   How could I think it was  wrong yet that's
     how I felt; wrong.  It  took a total of three prayer sessions  to find
     the answer to this one question.

          Approaching this memory created even greater fear and anxiety.  I
     was horribly  afraid that perhaps  I had  been molested by  my mother.
     Why would I think  such a thing?   My mother was  now 80 years of  age
     and,  as we  later learned,  just a  few months  away from  death.   I
     couldn't  confront an  80 year old  woman now;  not now.   She was ill
     after multiple strokes.  Yet,  I was horribly and dreadfully  afraid I
     might very well be a victim of child molestation.  My fear and anxiety
     intensified.

          During our followup  prayer session a  few days later, I  was too
     fearful to even go to that memory nor did we.  I  could not let myself
     think my  own mother  had molested me.   She had  been my  best friend
     growing up and  I loved her dearly.   At the end of  the second prayer
     session related to this memory, I confessed  that I couldn't go to the
     memory because I was afraid it might utterly destroy the picture I had
     of  my mother in  my heart.   The man prayed  and asked  if that would
     happen if I learned the  truth from the Lord  Jesus.  I clearly  heard
     the Lord tell me  in my spirit that nothing of the  sort would happen.
     I  felt relief,  and confidence,  that  Jesus, my  Lord, wouldn't  let
     anything bad happen to me.  I somehow knew the truth would indeed make
     me free as He promised.

          During the third prayer  session, as soon as we began  to pray, I
     saw myself  in that bed room and the look on my face as I stood frozen
     in time at what I saw.

          Although I  could not figure out what was wrong, I felt something
     was.   Yet, this  time, based upon  what Jesus had  promised me in the
     previous prayer session, I somehow wasn't afraid of the truth.

          I heard  the man praying in the background  but I don't know what
     he was  saying.  I  looked at  the little boy  in the picture  who, of
     course,  was me.  I said in my  thoughts, "Lord, what was I thinking?"
     The words that I heard next  were unmistakable, in origin, in content,
     and in feeling.

          "See.  You should have been a woman."

          Now, those who are skeptics  of intercessory prayer, are going to
     have to  explain to me,  first of all, why  had I not  thought of this
     memory for nearly fifty years, and secondly, how  did those very words
     get into my mind?   Someone may say, the man praying with me suggested
     this memory picture, and these thoughts I had, and these words  to me.
     Of course, if you believe that, you would be utterly wrong.  He did no
     such  thing because  he personally  had no  knowledge of  these things
     until I told him.   So what are the answers to  my questions, that is,
     how was it  that this memory  lay dormant  for 50 years,  and how  did
     those words get into a little boy's mind?  I'm sure, being the skeptic
     you are, there will be some cockamamie answer that has already settled
     it in  your mind but I will refresh  your memory of something you have
     already forgotten.   Fact.   I was already  fearful that this  was the
     very moment in time that  I was sexually molested by my mother.   That
     alone was impossible  in my  adult mind  but the memory  wasn't of  an
     adult, it was of a small little  boy who had just learned to walk  and
     wasn't very stable on his legs even then.

          Let me answer  the second question  first, and  that is, how  did
     those words  get into a little, less than a  year old, boy's mind?  As
     you may  recall, I stated that the  second I pushed open  the bed room
     door and walked in and saw my mother fully unclothed, I felt something
     was very wrong.  I asked you  at the time, how would I know  something
     of this nature  was wrong?   Was it?   The answer is  simple.  No,  it
     wasn't  wrong, it  wasn't sin, and  I wasn't  molested.  So,  what was
     wrong?  What  was it, that I felt  at only nine or ten  months of age,
     that  was  so  wrong?   Do  you  think a  toddler  would  have already
     developed the mental  awareness that nakedness is wrong or sinful?  Do
     you think a toddler would feel confusion at what he saw and especially
     if what he saw was his own mother?  After all, I didn't  walk in on my
     sisters.   I wasn't spending  the night at  a friends years  later and
     walked in and saw his mother in the nude.  So, I ask you again.  Where
     did my confusion and  the words I so clearly heard  spoken, come from?
     Did  Jesus speak these  words?   Don't make me  laugh.   While you are
     trying  to figure out  your answers, let me  explain it and especially
     since it happened to me, I should know.  Right?  You decide.

          There are a  couple of other aspects  of this true story  you may
     not  have  heard  unless,  of  course,  you  read  some  of  my  other
     testimonies.  First,  as a  very young  boy, I  had some  experimental
     sexual contact  with another older  boy in the  neighborhood.   This I
     later explained to my  father, who at my young age,  explained in very
     childlike  terms,  that  such  contact  wasn't  proper  or  Christian.
     Furthermore, when I  asked him what I should  say if the boy  tried it
     again, dad simply said to tell him that  you don't want to do that any
     more.  He  did attempt it again, I  did as dad had  suggested, and the
     boy  never  did it  again.    Something  you might  find  interesting,
     however, is  that  I  learned many  years  later, this  boy  became  a
     homosexual.

          Fast forward with me now  more than 25 years into the  future.  I
     was an assistant  pastor.  Although I  had been totally blind  since I
     had been  12 years of age, I had been  preaching full time since I was
     23  years old.   My wife and  I had our  first child.   He was about 2
     years old when  I took this position  in this church.  It  was a small
     church of about 60 people.

          One  day, the pastor called me into  his office.  He told me that
     he would be resigning and moving to another town about a hundred miles
     distant  to begin a new church.  He was confident the church would ask
     me to  take his place.  Later, he even recommended to the board that I
     take his place.  They had other  plans.  Calling me in one night after
     an evening service, they  informed me that I knew too  much about them
     and  other church members.   They believed  the church needed  a clean
     break.   Therefore, and later it was admitted my blindness also played
     a big role  in their final decision,  I would not  even be allowed  to
     try.  As I went home that night, the deepest darkest blackness settled
     over me  and I felt  as if I  were empty inside.   I had  never really
     experienced rejection before, in spite of my blindness, but I  felt it
     now.   Never  had I  felt  so blind,  so helpless,  so  alone, and  so
     rejected in my life.  My wife and I cried for days.  We had poured out
     our  lives  to these  people  and now  we  were being  rejected.   Our
     ministry at this place was over.

          It  would take  another 4  months before  our home  would finally
     sell.  those  remaining weeks and month were torture.  The board asked
     me if I would be their interim pastor until they could hire one.  Like
     a  dummy, I said yes.  Why did I  accept?  I thought, if they heard me
     preach and  teach and saw  me handling the  every day workings  of the
     ministry during that  time, they might, just maybe,  they would change
     their minds.  I was wrong.

          My  wife needed a  break.  Her  sister offered to  fly her, along
     with our 2 year old plus son, and now our brand new baby girl, down to
     where she lived for  a week.  My  wife didn't want  to leave me but  I
     felt fine by  this time so I encouraged  her to go.  She  did and took
     our little children with her.

          During  the week she  was gone, I stayed  up late, mostly playing
     around with my  ham radio equipment,  talking to people  all over  the
     world, and generally relaxing.  Then  one night, it began to creep  up
     on me.   It was loneliness; extreme  loneliness.  There was  almost an
     oppressive feeling in the house.  I missed my wife and my children.  I
     somehow almost  felt lost in my grief.   I'd failed.  The  thing I had
     wanted more than  anything in my life,  I now was refused  and refused
     because I was blind.  I had prayed on my knees for these people whom I
     loved time and time again.  I cared about them more than I cared about
     anyone  else on the  planet.  They  were real people  and I loved just
     being around them all but the rejection was too great.   The pain deep
     down inside grew  stronger.  Rejection; rejection; rejection.   I felt
     the darkness  outside closing in around me and  sealing the house.  It
     was 2 o'clock in the morning and I was all alone.

          "For the  thing which I greatly feared is  come upon me, and that
     which I was afraid of is come unto me," (Job 3:25).  Why wouldn't they
     let me?  "You should have been a woman," came the silent thoughts that
     had no  beginning or end.  "You'd make a  better woman."  The fear was
     real now and not just something I made up.  I couldn't make it go away
     because I didn't know how.  It  was dark and evil but I couldn't think
     about it and  I couldn't block it out  no matter how much I  tried.  I
     was isolated and all alone.  I felt negatively magnetized by the words
     I  heard and felt.   I fought  against the  pull, the words,  the evil
     truth.  I would make a better woman.  I was a woman.

          I felt myself slowly floating down the short hall to our bedroom.
     I found some  of my wife's clothing.   I removed my own  and put her's
     on.  Yes, I put everything on.  It even felt right.    "This   is  who
     you really are."  Once I was sexually satiated, I fell into a restless
     torment  sleep.   My life  would now never  be the  same.   If people,
     Christian people, ever found  out, I'd never get to pastor.   The deep
     emotional pain sank even deeper as I struggled to control it.

          Another 25 years into the future, I was praying with a man in his
     office.   I saw the little boy who discovered  his naked mother as she
     changed her clothing.   I felt the confusion.   I knew I shouldn't  be
     there.  I shouldn't be  seeing what I saw.   Yet, I couldn't  mentally
     discern how I knew any of  this as a little boy.  The  second I heard,
     "See.  You should  have been a woman," my mind, as if  it were a black
     streak across a background of  white, reached across almost 50 decades
     of  time  and struck  the  memory  dead  center that  possessed  those
     horrible feelings that felt  like self betrayal.   There was a  mental
     explosion of awareness.  "An Enemy hath done this."  Light!

     "24  Another  parable put he forth  unto them, saying, The  kingdom of
     heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: 
     25   But while  men slept, his  enemy came and  sowed tares  among the
     wheat, and went his way. 
     26  But when  the blade was sprung  up, and brought forth fruit,  then
     appeared the tares also.
     27  So the  servants of the householder  came and said unto him,  Sir,
     didst not thou sow good  seed in thy field?  from whence then hath  it
     tares? 
     28  He said unto them, An enemy hath done this," (Matthew 13:24-28).

     I saw,  and felt,  the connection.   I  had been ambushed  by a  lying
     spirit.  He kept the lie secret for 50 years.  He was in no hurry.  He
     was patient.   He started with a  little boy who couldn't  discern the
     truth.  Diabolical.  Hideous.  Malevolent.  Wicked.  Evil.  Satanic.

          Those who insist upon  limiting God by  how they think He  should
     heal, renew one's mind, answer  their prayers, or raise them  from the
     dead need to get a new life in Christ.

          In  case you are  curious, I am  going to  answer some  questions
     that most of you are pondering as you read this testimony.

          Q1.  Did you ask the Lord to forgive what you had done?

          Answer 1.  What do you think?

          Q2.  Then why couldn't you just accept God's forgiveness?

          Answer 2.  I did.

          Q3.  So why did it keep bothering you?

          Answer  3.  Simple.  I still believed a hideously perpetrated lie
     about myself which the Enemy implanted in my unsuspecting mind.

          Q4.   Well, if God had forgiven  you, and this lie  you claim was
     implanted into your childhood mind when you were under a year old, and
     you later came  to know Christ, don't  you believe it was  all settled
     for you at the Cross?

          Answer 4.  Yes, I do believe it was all paid for at the Cross.

          Q5.  Then why were you so guilt ridden all those years?

          Answer 5.  See Answer #3.

          Q6.  So, then you really do not believe it was all settled at the
     Cross, Otherwise, you would have  received God's forgiveness and  this
     would have never bothered you again.

          Answer  6.  If you choose  to think the opposite  of what I say I
     believe, I cannot  change your reasoning.  If you think  I am lying, I
     cannot change that either.  I  said, I believe the Bible teaches  that
     all my  sins, passed, present, and future, were  settled for me at the
     Cross.  I also fully understand the Scriptural functionality of 1 John
     1:9 but I have written on these things extensively so I won't reinvent
     the wheel for you in one testimonial.  Believe what you wish.

          Q7.  Tell me, Brother.  Why did God allow you to suffer 50  years
     before He got around to setting you free?"

          Answer 7.  Because  He is God and you are not.   Furthermore, and
     more specifically,  I wasn't  suffering, as you  called it,  all those
     years.

          Q8.   Don't you think a loving God  would have done something for
     you before you reached half your life?"

          Answer  8.  If  you can explain  why God's people  die of cancer,
     heart attacks, get run over by trucks, are murdered, are slowly  dying
     as they shrivel away in  a nursing home when their  Christian children
     rarely bother come to see them, why babies are sometimes still born or
     die as  little  ones, I'll  answer  your question.   As  far  as I  am
     concerned, I  refuse to play God.  He is  able to speak for Himself so
     why don't you ask Him?

          Q9.   Don't  you believe,  Brother Scovell,  that you  suffered a
     nervous break down,  some acute manic depression melt  down, a bipolar
     incident, had a panic  attack, an anxiety episode, or maybe  even some
     type of paranoid schizophrenic experience?

          Answer 9.  Maybe all the above.   Who cares?  I certainly  don't.
     Besides, as a  Christian, where are you coming up with all these psych
     terms anyhow?  Did you forget who  God is and what He promises He  can
     do for those who believes?   "With God, nothing shall be  impossible,"
     (Luke  1:37), and  "Jesus said unto  him, If  thou canst  believe, all
     things  are possible to him  that believes," (Mark  9:23).  Isn't that
     good enough for you or do you need a secular or scientific explanation
     as well?

          Q10.  Well,  don't you  think this  Jesus you see  is a  mystical
     Jesus and not the real Jesus?

          Answer 10.   Who  said anything  about seeing  Jesus at  all?   I
     didn't.

          Q11.  Well, don't you believe in such a thing?

          Answer 11.  I  sure don't.  If there is a  mystical Jesus, as you
     suggest, it wouldn't be the real Jesus, now would  it?  I only believe
     in the real Jesus the Christ.

          Q12.   What makes you believe what you  heard as a little boy, if
     you heard anything at all, was Satan?

          Answer 12.   Well, one  thing I know.   It was  certainly not the
     real Jesus talking  to me.  Maybe  that's the mystical jesus  to which
     you were referring.  In that case, I guess I do believe in a mystical,
     or false, jesus after all.

     Q13.   Well,  if that  was a  demonic lie  you heard  as a  child, why
     wouldn't the Cross of Christ have erased it?

          Answer 13.  It is called "the free will of man."

          Q14.   But  wouldn't you  have been  considered deceived  at that
     time?

          Answer 14.  Yes,  I surely was deceived at that time but I am not
     now.  I have learned the truth and it has set me free.  I think that's
     in the bible somewhere.  I'm pretty  sure, in fact, Jesus Himself said
     it.  I could be wrong.

          Q15.  Wouldn't the Lord have taken this into account, your  being
     deceived, that is?

          Answer 15.  He did.  On the Cross.  Remember?

          Q16.  But  haven't we as  Christians been set  free from  demonic
     attacks?

          Answer 16.   If  that is  true, why  are we told  to "resist  the
     devil?"  (See James 4:7).  Why are we cautioned to be careful in order
     that Satan not gain an advantage over us  and that we are aware of His
     devices?    (See  2 Corinthians 2:11).   Why does  the Bible carefully
     instruct those of  us who  are Christians  "not to give  place to  the
     devil?"  (See Ephesians  4:27).  Don't these Biblical warnings mean it
     is possible for a  Christian to have let his guard  down, or to become
     unaware of Satan's devices, and  isn't it obvious, therefore, since we
     are warned not to  give place to the devil,  that we must be able,  as
     Christians, to do exactly that?

          Q17.  Don't  you feel that you  might be involved in  some cultic
     eastern  religion,  meditation,   self  hypnosis,  or  some   form  of
     visualization or guided imagery?

          Answer #17.  No.

          Q18.  Do you have any way of confirming this literally happened?

          Answer 18.   Yes.  I was  set free of the  guilt and debilitating
     deceptiveness.

          Q19.  If this truly happened, why did Satan single you out?

          Answer  19.  He  didn't.  "He  walks around like  a roaring lion,
     seeking whom he may devour, (First Peter 5:8).  So he  isn't picky and
     is interested in everybody.  You, too.

          Q20.  Well,  Brother Scovell, don't you believe that  if we leave
     Satan alone, he will leave us alone?

          Answer  20.   There  is  absolutely no  Scriptural  evidence that
     statement is true.


                               End Of Document

     Safe Place Fellowship
     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado - Mountain Time Zone
     Web:  WWW.SafePlaceFellowship.COM
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