I Flew Kites With Jesus
By Phil Scovell
* Disclaimer
Author's Note.
It is recommended that you not even remotely attempt to try
the basic principles you think you see in this testimony. There
is a great deal more one needs to know than what you read here
and this is not a "How To" article.
End of author's note.
* Preface
On November 13, 1963, my father died. He had been in the
hospital for three weeks; the last two of which he was comatose.
After six months and more than a dozen eye operations, I was
pronounced totally blind on November 13, 1964; exactly one year
to the day of my father's death. Two weeks following being
released from the hospital, I left home for a school for the
blind.
* Introduction
I have never met a person who has lived a charmed life, that
is, someone who has not suffered loss or some traumatic
experience during some time of their life. Because I was raised
in a good Christian home, I was different, I thought, until the
Lord showed me how wrong I was.
Sitting in the Christian therapist's office for the first
time, I began by telling him I had been raised in a wonderful
Christian home, was never mistreated, and overall, I had a
wonderful childhood. After spending the next twenty minutes
explaining to him all the things happening in my life that were
causing me anxiety and panic attacks, sleepless nights, and
nightmares when I did sleep, he said, "Phil, you have experienced
some pretty traumatic events in your life."
"I have?" I replied; puzzled.
"Well, your father's sudden death and your blindness coming
exactly one year later to the day. That's two events which are
pretty traumatic."
Frankly, I had never considered my dad's death and my
blindness as traumatic. I thought that was a term used when you
were in car wrecks, plane crashes, got hit by a speeding car, or
when you fell down a flight of stairs and broke all the bones in
your body. "Trauma? Me?" I was even more shocked when he
continued talking.
"In all the years of my practice as a Christian therapist, I
have discovered that psychology doesn't work and is a band aid at
best for the problems people face as Christians."
My heart sank. This was my last hope. I had been suffering
from horrifying frightening anxiety for six weeks; day and night.
I was on medication I didn't want to take but felt I had no
choice. As a Christian, I considered myself to be a total
failure and I knew I'd never serve the Lord again. Maybe, just
maybe, if I could stay on the medications and get some Christian
psychological help, I could be half a person and could experience
happiness occasionally over the balance of my life. The way I
felt, I probably wouldn't live that much longer in the first
place. Now, here's this guy, my last hope, telling me what he is
trained for, and what I came for to get, doesn't work. He was
still talking.
"What I have found that works is something the Bible calls
the renewing of the mind."
I almost cried. I knew the next thing he was going to tell
me was something about a new age inner healing cult he was in
which involved personal management skills, a buzz phrase for
behavior modification, along with visualization and daily
meditation and affirmations. I readied myself to stand at his
next words because I was going to walk out of his office.
Suddenly, part way through his explanation of this prayer
ministry he was talking about, I stopped him and said, "Do you
know what an intercessor is?"
"I sure do," he replied.
"Well," I said, "I've been an intercessor since 1985 and
this sounds exactly like a form of focused intercessory prayer."
He agreed.
Over the next few months, I visited his office nine times.
We prayed together for ninety minutes to three hours in each
prayer session. The Lord began to totally change my life.
Oddly, before the manic depression and the anxiety and panic
attacks began, the Lord told me one day that He was leading me
into another type of intercessory prayer ministry which would
normally be conducted on a one-to-one bases. I had no idea what
the Lord was talking about and I told Him so. Besides, I could
already feel the depression coming on and was doing everything in
my power to stop its advance and intrusion into my life.
When the depression came, it buried me alive in anxiety,
panic, raw unadulterated terror, nightmares, sleeplessness, and
voices in my head I could not silence even when using the name of
Jesus. Six weeks into the depression, the Lord repeated His call
upon my life. I cried out to the Lord and told Him I had no idea
what He was talking about and that He would have to help me find
people who understand this type of intercessory prayer. That
very week, the Lord led me to someone who was doing exactly what
He was trying to explain to me concerning His will for my life.
Less than a year after my first visit to the Christian therapist,
I was doing the same type of intercessory prayer work with others
that he had been doing with me.
* The Purpose
The purpose of this testimony is to detail how, and what,
the Lord did in one of my prayer sessions. I want to show how
the Lord took me back to a pair of memories which were connected
and how the Lord healed and renewed my mind from all the
woundedness and pain I had been suffering for nearly my entire
life. I want to show how the Enemy works and how we learn to
believe the lies of the Enemy instead of God's Word. You will
clearly see how, as a Christian, I carried anger in my heart for
nearly forty years because of lies I believed which were
implanted by the Enemy.
* Anger
Three days before Christmas My youngest son and I had a
strong disagreement. He was 21 years old at the time and I was
51 years of age. I am humbled to say it was more of a shouting
match than an argument and some very terrible unchristian things
were said by all. I had already done a hundred hours of prayer
time with many different people and seen some amazing things
happen. Plus, I had prayed through many things by myself in my
own life and also experienced many dramatic healings of
woundedness. So, I should have known better and demonstrated
more responsibility. Instead, my son touched a sore spot and
that tapped into old woundedness and out rushed the anger;
protecting lies buried deep within my life. As usual, however,
the Lord took what the Enemy meant for evil and turned it to good
because I called out to Him for help.
After my son left, I prayed and asked the Lord where this
anger was coming from but I was too emotionally involved to hear
from the Lord at that time. Even later that night, when the
anger was less but still burned, I tried praying to locate the
original source but all I could feel was a vague memory that was
nearly forty years old and the pain was deeply imbedded. I could
not get to where I hurt without agreement in prayer. It just so
happened, I had a prayer session scheduled in a couple of days
with Bret; the same Christian therapist I had prayed with before.
* The Prayer Session
After spending a few minutes visiting about things in
general concerning our separate ministries, Bret said, "Anything
going on of late, Phil?" I told him there were lots of little
things but the argument with my son had stirred up anger that I
didn't know I had. So we agreed we would start with the anger.
First we prayed and asked for God's direction and blessings on
our time in prayer.
While praying on my own for the last year, I often ended up
thinking about the time I lost my sight. The memory that always
came to mind, was where I saw myself on my back in a large
hospital ward of about forty beds. I was twelve years of age at
the time. The minute we began to pray about the anger I had
experienced just a few days earlier, I was back in that hospital
ward. I said as much to Bret.
"Lord," he prayed, "would you show Phil, by your Holy
Spirit, why he is angry in this memory?"
Suddenly, in an instant of time, I knew. I was angry with
God for letting me go blind. Why didn't He stop it.
Additionally, I saw the anger turn inward against myself. I felt
as if somehow I had failed God and my family. I spoke these raw
tender hurting emotions out as I felt them so Bret could hear
what the Lord had revealed in this memory.
"Holy Spirit, is there more in this memory you want Phil to
see and feel?" he asked.
"Why did He let my dad die? He took my father from me," I
said aloud as I felt the pain. More hurt and pain tumbled out
as we prayed and the Holy Spirit gently put his finger on each
wounded area of my life; dislodging them.
"Lord Jesus," I heard Bret praying again, "is there anything
else the Holy Spirit needs Phil to see in the painful event you
have brought back to his memory today?"
I waited for a few moments but nothing happened. "I don't
feel anything," I reported.
"Do you feel blocked or confused or like there is perhaps
something hindering you?"
I said, sighing heavily, "I don't know; I don't feel or see
anything."
Bret said, "Do you mind if we check to see if there is any
demonic activity in this memory?"
"No," I don't mind," I said quietly. After all, we had done
this a dozen times before in previous prayer session just like
this one. Now, however, I wasn't afraid of demons so it would be
easier.
"Lord Jesus," he prayed, "we need your help. We cannot do
any of this alone. If there was some demonic spirit oppressing
Phil during this tender time of his life, and planting lies, we
want to know what you know. We refuse any demonic spirits to
speak other than what you allow them to speak as Lord and Master
of all principalities and powers. If they break this rule, we
will turn them over to you to go wherever you might send them."
I saw, at this moment, a demonic figure standing by my
hospital bed. He was dark as night and bent over at the waist as
if he were bending his head closer in order to speak to me. I
felt the lies he spoke; I heard nothing. I reported to Bret what
I felt and saw.
Note.
Before continuing, let me make a comment about what just
happened. I do not always see a demonic presence in memories of
which the Lord reminds me. In fact, I rarely see them in
memories at all. In this case, and probably due to my young age,
the Lord wanted me to clearly see that the thoughts I was having
were not mine but lies implanted in my thinking. Years later, as
an adult and in the ministry, I would have all the same feelings
coming out in every day life as current events tapped into the
lies and released the pain and woundedness associated with those
same lies. Yet, I would be totally unawares of the source of all
those negative emotions creating problems for me as an adult.
I heard Bret praying again and asking the Lord what other
lies were planted into my thinking at this time. Tears came to
my eyes and I cried when I felt the emotions of the lie which was
revealed by the Holy Spirit. "I feel like God doesn't love me
for some reason," I said softly.
"Holy Spirit, what is the truth you want Phil to know about
this?"
Note.
At this point, I cannot exactly explain what occurred
because of the tremendous power and spiritual intimacy I felt
coming from the Lord. I actually figured the Lord would tell me
the same thing He has often said to others with whom I have
prayed. He often simply says, "I love you," or something equally
basic in nature. You may know Scripturally and doctrinally and
theologically that God loves you but when He says it to you
Himself, you will never forget the feeling. However, no such
thing was said. In fact, no words were spoken but a single
powerful impression came to me and I felt it on the inside of me.
In my own words, this is what I felt the Lord was saying.
"You are expecting me to say I love you from outside of you
but this is not the way it works. I am on the inside of you and
I am love. Therefore, because I am in you, my love for you is
inside of you where I am and always present. There is no need
for me to speak of this love outwardly because I am in you and
that is where you should look for it."
Frankly, this made sense to me. I never actually recalled
my dad saying he loved me. I'm sure he did but I just don't
recall him doing so. I always knew my dad loved me, however,
without him having to tell me. How did I know this? Because of
how he treated me and talked to me and spent time with me. Now,
what the Holy Spirit was speaking to me about the love of God was
being intimately revealed to me in spiritual terms and I
understood.
What I said out loud to Bret was nothing like this at the
time because I could not explain it until several hours later. I
still have trouble explaining it because, as I said, there were
no words spoken and I heard nothing. What I felt in my spirit
was a mingling or intertwining, or a weaving as if a loom was
being used to create a tightly woven piece of cloth. At this
very moment, I strongly felt that the Lord was talking to me
about a new partnership He was establishing with me. What I said
out loud was, "Something is happening theologically which I
cannot explain in words but the love of God is somehow, and in
some way, a part of me and inside of me because that is where the
Lord said He is."
He prayed and said, "Holy Spirit, what do you want Phil to
do with these things you have revealed to him?"
I simply prayed at that time and let the Lord take all these
lies and phony emotions implanted into my thoughts.
"What's going on now, Phil," he asked.
I said, "Everything seems to be gone."
Note.
The demonic figure I saw standing by my bed, as we prayed
and the Lord began exposing his lies, started to diminish in
size. He eventually shrank to something just a few inches tall
and he lost all his form and shape. In fact, what remained of
him was something that looked very much like a scribbling child's
doodling; abstract and made up of random lines.
Then I spoke and said, "There's one thing left now."
"What's that, Phil," Bret asked.
"I feel lonely. I feel all alone and by myself."
"Holy Spirit, show Phil what you want him to know about this
loneliness he feels," Bret prayed.
At that very moment, the memory picture of being in the
hospital and laying on my back instantly vanished and was
replaced with another memory. I was at the graveside service of
my father. I saw myself and my mom and all the other people on
one side of the casket. On the opposite side of the casket, I
saw Jesus. He seemed as if He wanted to say something or do
something but I couldn't understand what it was. I also felt the
anger firmly rooted in this memory and that it had not come from
the hospital memory at all. I reported this to Bret.
"Lord Jesus, what do you want to do with Phil's anger that
he feels?" Bret prayed.
"He wants me to give it to him." I replied without
hesitation. So I prayed and gave it to the Lord.
"Holy Spirit," he prayed, "what is it now that you want Phil
to know or to understand about this memory event in his life?"
I laughed.
"What is it?" Bret asked.
"Well," I replied, "I can see myself standing on the other
side of the casket. I am smiling and saying, "Can I go play
now?"
Bret laughed, too. "Sure. Nothing wrong with that."
I saw the Lord still standing on the other side of the
casket. I felt He was saying, "Come with me."
I said, "Come with you where?"
Jesus raised in arm as if to say, "Follow me." Instantly
the memory picture of the graveside service vanished and I was
back at the home where I grew up. Jesus was walking next to me
into the field next to our home where I used to fly my kites. My
dad taught me how to fly kites in that very field. As we walked
out into the warm sunshine of the summer day, I saw myself
carrying a red kite and I saw another kite flying high overhead
and it was red as well. Although I noticed it at the time, I
didn't understand about the second red kite in the sky until many
days later. The second kite flying high over head had no string
attached. I remember being puzzled about this at the time but
just dismissed it as unimportant. Now I know the second red kite
belonged to the Lord. He needs no string when He flies a kite.
It was already in the air to tell me His kite always flies high
and never touches down; no strings attached. Furthermore, it
later came to mind that my kite was red just like my Father's;
Jesus. We shared relationship now in the form of spiritual
intimacy that passes all understanding. The two red kites, in
other words, stood for mutual identity.
As we walked, the man next to me was clearly Jesus and felt
like Jesus but he also felt just like my father. Yet I knew it
was the Lord. I reported this to Bret.
Keep in mind that what I just described was not a memory I
was seeing. Additionally, all my memories and things I sense
when I pray are still pictures, that is, nothing is moving.
Occasionally, something like this happens as I pray where
movement occurs. I have no idea exactly why the memories are
like fixed snap shot pictures but then occasionally there is
movement. I personally interpret it as a level of deeper
spiritual intimacy occurring because in every case, that's how it
feels.
Bret asked me if we could return to the two memories to make
certain we haven't missed anything. I agreed and there was
nothing remaining in the memory of the graveside service I had
concerning my father. The hospital memory was different.
Note.
The moment I went back in my mind to the memory in the
hospital, I felt Jesus standing next to me but did not see Him.
I also did not see my bed nor myself in the bed. It felt like a
large empty room.
"I still feel a little bit of anger left in this memory," I
said.
"Holy Spirit," Bret prayed, "What do you want Phil to know
about this anger?"
The feeling I received as an answer is a great deal more
complex than I am able to describe but in my own words, it is
something like this. The Lord told me that we are friends and
that sometimes friends have disagreements and misunderstandings.
Sometimes friends will even have arguments and become angry.
Again, the Lord said, we were friends so as far as He was
concerned, the misunderstanding and the anger was over because of
our friendship. He made it clear in my thinking that He wasn't
upset that I was mad at Him at the time. The feeling of being in
a partnership manifested in my thoughts again and seemed to be
growing stronger.
At this point, the remaining feeling of anger vanished and
there were no negative emotions remaining in that memory in the
hospital.
After reporting what I felt the Lord was saying about all
this, Bret prayed again and said, "Holy Spirit, is there anything
else Phil needs to know about this memory?"
Instantly I heard the words and spoke them audibly the
moment I heard them because it was so strongly stated, I could
not keep quiet. I said, "I am not blind any more."
Note.
Of course, this can be taken two ways, or both ways, for
that matter. The Lord could have been speaking spiritually or
physically. It makes no difference to me how you personally
interpret what I just said. I know in my heart, on the other
hand, what He was talking about.
Again Bret prayed, "Holy Spirit, is there anything else?"
I spoke it the instant I heard the words; "We are leaving
this place."
"We are leaving this place?" Bret questioned.
Note.
The reason he asked this question is due to the fact I used
the word "we." In demonic manifestation, it is common that they
will speak in the plural because there is often more than one
demonic spirit involved. Also, it is very common for demons to
leave on their own when the reason for their presence has been
removed, that is, their implanted lies. Sometimes they will even
say they are leaving out loud through the person's own voice or
they will say this in the mind of the person receiving
intercessory prayer. Additionally, in the case of multiple
personalities, or Dissociative Identity Disorder cases, the term
"we" is sometimes used by the alternate personalities as a
collective statement. Since I figured this was what Bret might
be thinking, I clarified what I said.
"Yes, the Lord said, we are leaving this place."
A final time, Bret said, "Holy Spirit, is there anything
else?"
Again, the words came to my mind instantly and I spoke them
aloud. "And we are never coming back."
Bret said, "I know that is true, Phil."
"Oh, really?" I replied. "How?"
"Because," he said, "that is exactly what the Lord said to
me before you spoke it out loud."
I laughed because I have had the exact same thing happen to
me as an intercessor when praying with others.
* Personal Comments
Some people think this type of thing is still psychology and
packaged in Biblical terms. They will refer to it as regressive
therapy, inner healing, hypnosis, suggestive imagery, and some
like to call this Psycho Heresy. They never once consider it to
be what it really is and that is agreement of two people in
intercessory prayer. When I am praying with people, sometimes I
pray and sometimes I ask them to pray. What is going on in the
mind is nothing different than personal prayer that is conducted
silently. If you have never heard the Lord speaking to you in
your thoughts, I would be concerned. Why? Because if you do not
know His voice, as He said we would in John's Gospel, (see John
10:4), then you will find it less easy to follow Him as that
verse proclaims we should as His Sheep. Additionally, if you do
not know our Lord's voice, how will you know the difference in
your thoughts when He speaks to you compared to that of a demonic
spirit's voice? The truth is, you won't and you will be deceived
if it is demonic in nature.
Illustration
I was praying with a lady one day who was suicidal. she
admitted she was hearing voices as well and she concluded that
she had to be crazy. Besides, it was what everyone else thought;
including her own doctor, friends, and family. I asked her if
she wanted to pray and she said that she did. As we prayed,
exactly as you have read about in this testimony, she began to
experience blockage to her own thoughts. This can only mean one
of three things. The person is mentally ill and literally is
incapable of focusing on certain thoughts, they are dissociative,
or they are being demonically influenced. I asked this lady if
she wanted to find out the truth and she said yes. I prayed and
in the name of the True Lord Jesus Christ, I set down parameters
for any demons that were present to follow. I told them, if they
did not obey the rules, I would immediately turn them over to the
Lord Jesus Christ. The reason for this is due to the nature of
demonic spirits. They love to play with your mind and they love
to sidetrack you from finding out the truth, that is, why they
have the right to be there in that person's life in the first
place. If you spend any other time trying to debate them, you
will most likely be fooled. Laying down guidelines or parameters
for them to obey sets the rules. If they disobey, they
immediately are turned over to Jesus because He is their Lord and
Master and they must obey Him and His Word.
Once this was done, I asked the Lord Jesus to pick a
spokesman, if there was more than one unclean spirit present, to
speak and to confess why they have the right to be in this
woman's life. This is a good idea unless you want to be talking
with different demons all day long. Besides, we don't need to
talk to all of them anyway. A demon spoke in this woman's mind
and she told me what he said.
To make a long story short, the Lord did something very
unusual for this lady. When I asked her what she was hearing in
her thoughts, she said, "Well, I hear two voices." I asked her
what one was saying. She said, "It is saying I am crazy and
should be in the hospital to get help." I asked her if she knew
who that voice was and she said, "That's a demon." I asked her
what the other voice was saying in her thoughts and she said, "He
is saying, I am not crazy and He can heal and He cares for me."
I asked her if she knew who that was and she said, "that has to
be the Lord."
I said, "Can you see what the Lord just has done for you?"
She said, "What?"
I said, "The Lord just proved to you that you are not
crazy." I said, "If you were crazy, you could not have told me
the difference between those two voices but because you do
recognize the difference, the Lord showed you that you are not
crazy."
This is why it is important that we hear the Lord as we pray
and know His voice. Otherwise, we can be easily fooled in to
listening to the wrong voice.
* Conclusion
Following the closing of the church I pastored for only
eleven months, I began having anxiety and panic attacks. Due to
the manic depression, I found it impossible to work. During this
three year period of my life, a good friend called one night.
"Hey, Phil. This is Bill. I want you to go with me to hear an
evangelist speak at First Assemblies of God in Aurora where I am
a member."
"When is he going to be there?" I asked; thinking I could
put him off week by week until he gave up on me.
"He is preaching tonight and he is great. I want to pick
you up tonight."
I tried getting out of it but Bill was so insistent, I
finally gave in. I had told him no about such things so many
times before, I finally decided I couldn't say no any more.
I cannot remember this preacher's last name but his first
name was Jim. He was good and I actually found myself encouraged
by his preaching that night. He wasn't the typical pulpit
pounding, overbearing yelling type of preacher like I am, but he
was good and I appreciated what he said.
Of course, there was an altar call and about everybody in
the meeting, including my friend, when forward for prayer. I
didn't.
Bill returned after being prayed for and asked me if I
wanted to go down for prayer. I said I didn't need to but
thanked him anyway. We waited, for what, I didn't know. I felt
anxiety building and tightness growing in my chest and I wanted
toget home. Yet,we sattheredoing nothingas othersreceived prayer.
Probably thirty minutes passed and my friend said, "Are you
sure you don't want him to pray with you? Just about everybody
is gone."
"Naw," I said; I'm fine. Talk about lying.
"Oh, come on, Phil. What can it hurt."
Bill knew the depression I had been going through. "All
right," I sighed, "let's go."
The building was almost empty and few people were left as I
was introduced to the evangelist. He took my hand and said, "I
bet I know what you want."
"I said, "No, I really do not need to pray about being
healed and getting my sight back because I have settled that
issue with God already."
"Then what shall we pray about?" he asked kindly.
"I said I was just having a hard time right now and was very
discouraged." What an understatement but this man was wiser than
I gave him credit.
He said, "I want to tell you something. The Lord is going
to call you into a deliverance ministry."
I immediately broke down and began to cry. Barely able to
speak, I said, "I don't want to be in a deliverance ministry,"
and I explained how I had been demonically attacked already.
"No, no," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't mean that type of
ministry of casting out demons and all that stuff we think about
as Charismatics and Pentecostals. You are going to work with
people one-on-one and this will be something totally different.
You are going to be greatly used by God in the new ministry and
minister to many people."
We prayed and I thought nothing more about it. I had no
idea what he had been talking about until nearly fourteen years
later when his personal prophecy concerning my life came to pass.
I am now doing exactly what he said the Lord revealed to him
about me. If I knew the man's name and how to find him, I would
love to talk to him and tell him he really did hear from the Lord
that night he prayed for me and the personal prophecy the Lord
gave him for me has come to pass.
* Final Remarks
Now, where are you in God? Do you feel his love? When you
pray, are you aware of His presence in your life? What about
those thoughts in your mind? Why aren't they in agreement with
God's Word? Could it be that you, too, are believing a lie? Let
me suggest that you go back and read this testimony again and you
will see yourself, in some way, in my story. Then pick up your
telephone and call me.
Safe Place Fellowship
Phil Scovell
Denver, Colorado - Mountain Time Zone
Phone: 303-507-5175
Web: WWW.SafePlaceFellowship.COM
Web: WWW.RedWhiteAndBlue.ORG
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