Homesickness and Grief

                            How easy the Enemy Plants Lies


                                   By Phil Scovell


               The first time I recall being homesick, was the first time I
          left for church camp.  I was about  10 years old.  I had not lost
          my sight yet and I well remember  being picked up by friends from
          church, along with their own children who were going to camp.  As
          their car backed out of our driveway, tears came to my eyes  as I
          realized I was leaving  my family for the first time.   Once away
          from the house,  of course, there were so many new and fun things
          going on, I never felt that homesickness again all that week.   I
          would, however, feel those feelings again in my lifetime and they
          would  be multiplied  a million  times  over in  intensity and  I
          wouldn't have long to wait.

               Separation  Anxiety  Disorder,  or  SAD  for  short,  almost
          defines itself.   It normally  occurs during very early  years of
          childhood.  It can develop when the child, or adolescent, becomes
          separated  from  family or  friends  to  whom they  are  attached
          emotionally  and psychologically.  If the separation is prolonged
          and is accompanied by some form of  trauma, it can develop into a
          disorder.  extreme and abnormal SAD cases can develop into other,
          and  more  acute   psychological  psychosis  disorders  such   as
          schizophrenia.

               One day, just after turning 50 years old, something happened
          to trigger my emotions negatively.  I don't recall  now what that
          event, or thought, was, but  it was something strong enough, such
          as  fear or  loneliness, to make  me stop immediately  what I was
          doing and pray to locate the cause.

               "Lord,"  I prayed quietly,  "this triggered something  in me
          and there  must be an origin that  caused this feeling I'm having
          right now."  Take me to the original source, the very first time,
          I felt these feelings."

               I didn't have  to wait long.  Almost immediately, I saw a 12
          year old boy standing  at the front door of the  school as he was
          saying goodbye to his  family.  My father had died  a little more
          than  a year  earlier.  Being  pronounced blind by  the doctor, I
          now, two weeks  later, was being enrolled at  the Nebraska school
          for the blind which was 45 miles from my home in Omaha.  Now,  as
          I stood  defeated  by my  blindness, I  wouldn't see  my mom  and
          sisters except for weekends.  Sadness and fear and doubt fell all
          around me like  a summer downpour  until I was  drenched.  I  had
          never been so sad and so afraid in my life.

               As I continued to  pray and to focus on what I felt, I could
          not  see what  this  memory could  have  to do  with  what I  was
          presently feeling.  I prayed a more tightly focused prayer.

               "Lord?   Something hurts  in this memory  event in  my life.
          Where is the lie in this memory?"

               I instantly felt it.  I was holding on to my mom and sisters
          and we  were all  crying so  hard, we  could barely  speak.   Mom
          looked up and saw the school wrestling coach, Mr. Davis, who also
          was  the mobility  instructor in  the school.   "I'm  sorry, sir.
          This is all very hard."

               "Don't think  a thing about it,  mam," he said  quietly.  "I
          had to do this once when I left  to go to a school for the blind,
          too.   I  know exactly  how you  feel and  take all the  time you
          need."  The coach then stepped back a few paces to show he wanted
          to give us room to say our goodbyes.

               "I'll never see  you again," I heard myself saying to my mom
          and sisters.  They all tried to encourage me the best  they could
          and promising me they  would be back Friday afternoon to  pick me
          up for the  weekend.  "No," I cried.  "I'll  never see you again.
          I'll never see you again," I repeated over and over.

               "Philip," my mother said, "why do you keep saying that?"

               "I don't  know; I don't know.  I just  know I will never see
          you again."

               As  the  painful  memories of  this  scene  began to  spread
          through my adult emotions now almost forty years later, I saw the
          lie.  "I'll  never see you again."   Yes, that was  fear speaking
          but it was more than that.  Why would a  twelve year old boy, old
          enough to  understand, old  enough to reason,  and old  enough to
          comprehend,  suddenly begin thinking,  and even saying,  he would
          never see his family  again.  I can answer that  question now but
          when this  happened, I could not  understand why I was  saying it
          even at  that moment.  At this super sensitive time of my life, a
          lie was  implanted that would  create fear and anxiety  for years
          into my future.

               As I prayed and saw this  lie which the Holy Spirit revealed
          to me, I  realized what was happening and asked the Lord to speak
          His truth concerning it.  What was  His truth?  I wasn't going to
          die  and I was hearing a lie from  the Enemy.  It instantly freed
          me  from the  bondage  of the  homesickness  pain which  radiated
          throughout the balance of my life from this one event.

               This memory came to mind because my daughter, a woman now 25
          years of  age, with two children and a  husband who had filed for
          divorce,   was  recently   admitted  to   a   drug  and   alcohol
          rehabilitation center run by the  Salivation Army.  Her children,
          living with us, and spending  some nights with their father, were
          experiencing intense homesickness due to the absence of their mom
          whom they will be unable to see or talk with for many weeks.   My
          wife,  who is also blind and left  home when she was just 4 years
          of  age  to  attend a  school  for  the  blind,  felt  the  acute
          homesickness she  felt when she was  little and had to  leave her
          own  parents.    It  is  a  classic  example  of  how  every  day
          experiences  can trigger  emotions, which  are literally  decades
          old, but are  acutely felt as if they just happened for the first
          time.   In the  case of my  grandchildren, however, I  could pray
          against such  unholy lies  being implanted  into their  thinking.
          How?   By just praying  against it.  Does  that really work?  The
          Bible says it does.

               What if the  feelings you have are  for a loved one  who has
          passed away.  You are now literally separated from them; never to
          see them again in this life.   Grief is nothing more than intense
          homesickness.    It  is  normal to  experience  the  feelings  of
          homesickness, and  even grief, at the time of  the event.  If the
          pain of the homesickness, or grief, continues and creates intense
          sadness  or pain  a year or  two later,  or even  20 or  30 years
          later, there is something in the  original event that needs to be
          healed by the True Lord Jesus Christ.  If left alone and ignored,
          they will  continue creating  pain and  emotional discomfort  and
          even more.  These areas of woundedness are easily renewed by  the
          Lord Jesus Christ through agreement in intercessory prayer.

                            End Of Document

          Safe Place Fellowship
          Phil Scovell
          Denver, Colorado - Mountain Time Zone
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