God Talk

                                   By Phil Scovell

               It is  difficult to  write  about something  that, for  many
          years,  has made you feel  like a failure.   The key word here is
          "feel."  As I have learned, however, being a failure  is a lie of
          the  enemy  to keep  God's  people spiritually  unbalanced.   The
          sooner we  learn its origin in  our life, the  sooner the anxiety
          will leave; never to return.

               At  my  age,  51  years old,  the  last  thing  you  need is
          pneumonia on top of once of the worst flue epidemics  in Colorado
          history.  Yet, I found myself exactly in that situation.  I was a
          teenager when last I was that  sick.  This time, however, my  age
          played a  role in  my recovery and  bouncing back  quickly wasn't
          going to happen as rapidly as when I was younger.

               After partially  passing out,  falling, and sustaining  some
          physical  injuries, I  was taken  to the  hospital by  my family.
          Your oxygen saturation at normal breathing room levels runs about
          94  to 96  percent.   At  the emergency  room, mine  was  only 82
          percent.  That means I hadn't been breathing well for a couple of
          days.  After x-rays it was felt I had both the flue and pneumonia
          and I was admitted to the hospital that night.

               I tried sorting  out spiritually what was going  on but when
          you reach  a  certain  degree  of  sickness,  it  becomes  almost
          impossible to see  things clearly.  After three  horrible days in
          the hospital with no sleep, deep depression came and began making
          its claims and I felt helpless to stop it.

               One  of the difficulties  of being an  intercessor sometimes
          becomes separating your own feelings and pains from that of those
          with whom you  pray.  Add  the element of  severe illness to  the
          mix, and it  becomes difficult, if not down  right impossible, to
          discern  your unresolved woundedness with that of those with whom
          you have prayed.   There are ways, of course,  for an intercessor
          to insure they have cast the burdens of those with whom they pray
          over  on to  the Lord  but  again, blend  in the  severity  of an
          illness,  and your spiritual  reasoning ability becomes  more and
          more  difficult to  discern.   this is  why accountability  is so
          vital in an intercessory prayer ministry.

               In my case, as previously  mentioned, after of three or four
          days of  high fever, the inability to  take in enough oxygen, and
          many  other factors, depression rolled in upon me like a good old
          Iowa afternoon  thunderstorm;  complete with  all  its  brilliant
          lightning,  thundercrashing, torrential  rains,  and high  winds.
          this alone caused even greater  confusion because I was unable to
          spiritually discern  how much of  what I was  feeling was  my own
          woundedness or that of those with whom I had recently prayed.   I
          was  stuck,  therefore, with  the  inability to  discern  and the
          depression grayed and blackened.

               One afternoon, my wife took off work to come and sit with me
          in  the hospital due to  the deepening of  the depression she saw
          developing.  I  had spent the morning with my younger sister, who
          had come to  visit, and I told her all sorts  of my feelings just
          trying  to locate  the key which  would give  me a handle  on the
          origin of  the depression.   I figured talking  about how  I felt
          might give me a clue.

               When my wife arrived later that afternoon, however, the same
          conversation ensued.  We spoke of  many things but the thing that
          seemed to take focus the most  was our daughter who is living  on
          drugs and  alcohol.   My heart was  broken and  I could  feel the
          woundedness of my heart for her crashing in upon my emotions with
          titanic force.  My desires, that she would return to God, somehow
          seemed being overridden and I  was unable to localize the source.

          * Fear

          Coupled with this attitude, of course, is deep seeded fear but we
          rarely recognize that fear  as a parent because  we are too  busy
          being a parent and worrying about the well being of our children.
          This masks the true  nature of why we feel the way  we do about a
          given  relationship  of this  nature.   In  my  case, I  felt the
          failure of not being able to bring my daughter to a rewarding and
          joyful   relationship  with  Christ.    The  drugs  and  alcohol,
          immorality, and the street mentality seemed to be winning against
          the Creator of  the universe and leaving me  feeling helpless and
          insignificant.  Not a good combination, and with already being so
          desperately ill, I began to honestly wonder if this might not  be
          the time of  my death.  Yet I refused to  die because my daughter
          wasn't right with  the Lord.   I likewise  feared the Lord  might
          take her.  Try carrying around  that sort of fear for any  length
          of time and see how heavy it becomes.

               As  my wife and I  continued to talk  of many family related
          things, the Lord suddenly spoke to me.  I felt I would be praying
          to the  Lord about Gretchen,  our daughter,  that night as  I lay
          awake in  my hospital bed and I said so to my wife.  It wasn't an
          idea; it was  an internal feeling that  I felt as if  it had just
          been implanted inside of me.  I knew it was going to come to pass
          and I was helpless to make  it any different; we would talk  that
          very night about my daughter.

               Getting up  and wheeling my  IV cart into the  bathroom with
          me,  I close the  door and in  the quietness of  the little room,
          again the Holy Spirit spoke to me  and confirmed we would soon be
          talking about Gretchen.  I prepared  myself the best I could.   I
          honestly thought  the Lord was going to reveal  to me that He was
          going to take  my daughter out of  this world for her  sinfulness
          and that  our  talk  would  be the  Lord  preparing  me  for  the
          inevitable.   ; sin  brings  forth death  (See  James 1:15).    I
          considered  that this would occur in the  late hours of the night
          when it was quiet and I was alone with the Lord and my thoughts.

               Returning to bed, I  lay down.  The phone rang  and since my
          voice was hoarse from  coughing so much, my wife  answered it for
          me.  As  I lay on my  back listening to  Sandy talk to a  friend,
          suddenly  the  Lord  spoke  to  me  with  a  force  I  had  never
          experienced before.   I  cannot explain  exactly  how it  sounded
          because  He, the Lord,  actually spoke no  words to me.   This is
          often how  I hear from the  Lord but this time, the  force of His
          silent  voice  felt like  it  was  coming  deep from  within  His
          universe and was loudly directed,  not into my thoughts, but into
          my  spirit.  I repeat, it was  not in my mind or mental thoughts.
          As weird as it may sound, it felt as if the largest  pair of lips
          you have ever seen were talking to me just inches from  my chest.
          Yes, I  said, my  chest.  "Why  my chest?" I  wondered.   Later I
          realized the Lord  was in fact talking into my spirit and my head
          had nothing to do with it.  I said it was weird.

               "You are  here in this  hospital," I heard, "for  one reason
          and one reason only.  Would you like to know what that is?"

               Keep in mind,  I am extrapolating the single  feeling I had.
          I did not  hear these words but  what I felt, if  translated into
          words, came  out as I am describing them here.   What I felt, not
          heard, was a single impression  which carried with it the meaning
          you are reading.

               "Yes," I said, "why am I here?"

               "You are  hear for one  reason only and that  is because you
          will not turn your  daughter over to me.   Will you give  me your
          daughter now?"

               This shocked me because I did not realize I had not given my
          daughter to  the Lord but once the Lord spoke the words, I knew I
          was in bondage to my daughter and  that's why the Lord was unable
          to work  with her.   In short, I had  an evil soul  tie which had
          developed between me and my daughter  which I had not dealt  with
          yet.  I will talk about evil soul ties  later, how they work, and
          how they continue to create  unholy relationship even among those
          who love each other but that will have to be in another article.

               I said, "Yes,  Lord.  I  am ready  to give her  to you  now.
          But, Lord," I said, "What might you  do to her?"  You see, I  was
          still under  the influence of  the demonically based bondage.   I
          was afraid the Lord might take her from me.  I wanted God to deal
          with  my daughter under my terms.   I didn't want  her to get HIV
          and later  AIDS or get  busted up  in a car  crash or  injured by
          being beat up in  another bar fight.  I wanted  things to go more
          perfectly for her  benefit.  I secretly  had my own ideas  of how
          God  should go  about doing  His  business and  this was  totally
          unacceptable to Him as the sovereign Lord of the universe and the
          soul Creator of my daughter.

               His reply was, "Are you willing to trust me now?"

               This was a  difficult decision because the Lord, I realized,
          was not obligated to tell me anything other than what He had thus
          far.  I new the only thing that  would save my daughter was going
          to be my full  and unequivocal surrender of her over  to the Lord
          and turning  loose and letting  her go into  the Lord's care.   I
          said,  "Yes,  Lord.   I  will  trust  you.   But  what  about the
          children, Lord?"   This was my fear of  total dependence upon the
          sovereign Lord and ruler of all things.

               Once again, he  said, but this  time more forcefully,  "Will
          you trust me?"

               I sighed heavily and felt the time  had come.  "Yes, Lord, I
          will trust you.

               "And you won't  worry about your daughter in  more?" I heard
          the Lord ask.

               Now wait just a minute, I thought.  How can  I, as a parent,
          not worry about  my children; especially my daughter.   Still the
          forcefulness was there.  God  wanted a commitment from me because
          I knew He was cutting a covenant with  me concerning my daughter.
          My subservience to Him was based upon my confession that  I would
          not worry.  I finally submitted to His will  and said I would not
          worry  but to  forgive  me  for my  parental  concerns when  they
          manifested.   I knew in  my heart that  the Lord was  not worried
          about  my parental concerns but about taking the responsibilities
          for my daughter upon myself and placing them upon Himself.

               The powerful presence of the voice of God left me.

               No wonder my mind wasn't getting  to the root of the problem
          because I was using intellectual reasoning, and not spiritual, to
          try and get at  the root of the deep depression  I felt.  because
          my spirit was already in full agreement with the Creator God, the
          Lord  knew that  speaking  to  my spirit  man,  and bypassing  my
          intellectual thought  processes,  I  would  understand  Him  more
          quickly.  This was, without  a doubt, the forcefulness behind the
          communication I experienced.

               Only  about  a  minute had  passed  and  the  depression was
          already beginning to dissipate from  my clouded mind.  The summer
          thunderstorm was  passing and  within another  five minutes,  the
          darkness of the depression was  totally gone and never came back.
          Now I was back to just being sick again.

               that  night, my  fever  broke  and The  next  day, my  fever
          dropped even more and I began feeling better.  By the next  day I
          was home.

               I felt no weakness or  extra fatigue yet I was  still taking
          medications for pneumonia and the flue.  There was no doubt in my
          mind I went to the hospital because I was sick and had caught the
          flue and pneumonia.  Yet, it was  also true I had gone for a  far
          greater purpose.  I  still carry a burden for my  daughter but it
          isn't heavy any longer because I know it is the responsibility of
          the  Lord to  bring my  daughter  back, not  to me,  but  back to
          Himself.    I had  a  statement  I  was  making for  many  months
          concerning my daughter;  I wanted her to  come back to me.   That
          was  a worried  and  concerned  parent speaking  out  of his  own
          woundedness triggered out of  other painful unhealed areas  of my
          life.  Jesus did not want me in bondage to that unholy philosophy
          so He took it from me.

          * Suffering

               Does God make people sick today just to get their attention?
          I do  not honestly  know  the answer.   I  do know  God runs  the
          universe without any  of our help or advice.  I know God wants my
          daughter more  than I  do.   I  know, as  sick as  I  was in  the
          hospital, and as bad as the depression was that came upon me, God
          came to  me and set things straight in  a very powerful way which
          set me free.  Other than this, I am ignorant  as the next person,
          theologically, in  this area  of doctrine.   I  do know the  Lord
          doesn't   overlook  our  suffering  and  that  our  suffering  is
          identifying with His suffering.  Lots of Charismatics don't  like
          to  believe that.  As a Charismatic, I  sure don't.   Some day we
          can all ask him.

               I want to  discussed the nature and purpose of  an evil soul
          tie which can, and does, occur even in Christian relationships of
          various types.   However,  before that, I  think it  necessary to
          focus on the one root cause that appeared in my situation with my
          daughter and  that was how guilt became the binding factor of the
          evil  soul  tie even  without my  knowledge.   This  is why  I am
          leaving the topic of an evil  soul tie, or an evil covenant,  for
          another article.

          * Guilt

               Fear is always a good trigger mechanism that can easily lead
          us  to the original  source and  root of a  problem.   If fear is
          present, that is.   In my case,  fear masked the truth.   Fear of
          dying, fear of my daughter  dying, fear my grandchildren might be
          stricken with  illness or  even  taken by  the  Lord due  to  the
          sinfulness  of my  daughter, fear  of dying  and leaving  my wife
          alone, and even fear of dying and letting people down once again.
          This was all  more woundedness left to  be healed in my  life and
          fear was triggering it by the truck loads in the hospital.  Fear,
          however, was  not the problem  but the byproduct hiding  the root
          cause.  This I knew but  my high fever and physical sickness  got
          in my way of discernment.

               As I  sat in a  recliner that night, the  depression totally
          gone, I thought of the day's events and the amazing communication
          I had experienced  with the Creator  God.  As  I let my  thoughts
          drift around what  I had learned, I suddenly  recognized the evil
          soul tie between my daughter and I which had been created  and it
          was that evil soul tie holding me in bondage to her.  It was time
          for it to  be broken in  order that God could  do His work  in my
          daughter.   What was  the lie  which kept  the evil  soul tie  in
          place?   "It was  my fault.   I was  guilty of  not doing a  good
          enough job raising my daughter for the  Lord.  I wasn't spiritual
          enough  or close enough to God  to reach the Heavenly Father with
          my  needs  which  concerned  the  spiritual   well  being  of  my
          daughter."   These were all  lies which  were manifested  through
          guilt and the demonics love amplifying and fortifying such lies.

          * I Was Afraid Of God

               Somewhere,  and somehow,  over the years,  we have  lost our
          fear of  God.   Nobody  seems afraid  of Him  any  longer.   Odd,
          though.  Many Christians are afraid of Satan and demons.   Why do
          you suppose that is?  It is due to lie based thinking.  The enemy
          plants  lies within our thoughts which  we come to believe.  This
          is the reason  why guilt and fear  and anger and sorrow  and most
          other negative emotions refused to go away even after the sin has
          been confessed and forgiven.  Additionally, the fear of the enemy
          indicates a  lack of  the fear  of God.   Consider  this passage.
          "And fear not  them who kill the body,  but are not able  to kill
          the soul: but  rather fear him who  is able to destroy  both soul
          and body  in hell" (Matthew  10:28).  Yet many  Christian confess
          they are fearful of the demonic realm.

               In   this  personal  testimony,  the  Lord  put  me  through
          something physically in order to get my attention.  I thought all
          this  time  I  was  pretty   spiritually  sensitive,  too.    Yet
          circumstances were getting in the way.  Additionally, I took upon
          myself more  responsibility than  was humanly  possible to  bear;
          that of my daughter coming back to God.

               As I lay  on my back in  the hospital bed, and  the voice of
          the Lord began to speak, I was awed by his enormity and power.  I
          was afraid  but not frightened.  I was  aware, once again, of the
          Creator of the universe speaking so this time I listened and when
          it was all over, I obeyed  and the depression evaporated.  I  had
          experienced the Lordship of my Saviour.  I learned  that He loved
          and wanted my daughter more than I ever could.  I  learned He was
          God and I wasn't.

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