Linked Memories Unlinked

                      God's Order Of Healing Woundedness

                               By Phil Scovell

          I was only about 10 years of age.  Danny and I, my best friend as
     a child, were walking down the street together.  There was no sidewalk
     but the street wasn't a busy one anyway, and we were always careful to
     watch and listen for oncoming traffic.

          Then  we  saw   it.    A  green  piece  of  paper,  which  looked
     suspiciously  like  a  dollar  bill,  or  maybe  something  even  more
     valuable, although a  dollar bill was monetarily enormous  to a couple
     of boys in 1962,  and the race was  on.  Danny wasn't athletic  in any
     way, shape or  form.  We never  played baseball, as  I did with  other
     kids  in the  neighborhood, because  Danny  couldn't hit  the ball  no
     matter  how slowly  it was thrown  to him.   We never  played football
     because Danny  couldn't throw, or catch, to save  his life.  He always
     missed the basket when playing basketball so we never did that either,
     and He couldn't run, and when he did, he ran like a girl.  (Forgive me
     ladies but that's how we thought and talked back  then.  I know better
     now).  Since I was on the school track team and the  second fastest in
     the elementary school we attended, I beat Danny by a country mile.  It
     was a 5 dollar bill!  I was rich!  Danny was, as always, broke.

          This  memory, for  my  entire  life, has  flashed  into my  mind,
     hundreds and hundreds of times,  and for no particular reason  which I
     could determine until recently.

          Shortly after spinal stenosis surgery on my neck, no little thing
     in and  of itself,  I was  replying to an  email of  a friend  who was
     describing to me how he had been praying and the Lord not  only healed
     him  but the  first memory  led him  to a  second that he  hadn't even
     realized was linked to the first.   Upon relating this memory that you
     have just read  to my friend,  I admitted  to him that  I had not  yet
     discerned where  healing was needed  in the  memory of  Danny and  the
     money.  I did admit that I felt sad that I had  never shared the money
     with my best friend; thinking that  was the problem.  After all,  that
     feeling alone would generate  guilt and guilt is  a wonderful, not  to
     mention  extremely fertile  ground for  a  demon to  generate a  solid
     foothold in the life of  a Christian.  "Oh, it doesn't work that way,"
     you say?   "Demons  can't  influence Born  Again Believers  in such  a
     manner?"   With that sort of  thinking, I wouldn't want to  be in your
     Christian shoes  but let me  continue and see  if I might  change your
     mind; at least to the point you might think about it a little.

          Since  I  felt   sadness,  and  more  specifically,   mild  guilt
     concerning not sharing  with my friend when  I should have, I  did the
     simple thing required; I  prayed 1 John 1:9, "If we  confess our sins,
     He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from
     all unrighteousness."  Thank God for the simplicity  of the Gospel and
     the application of Biblical truth to everyday life experiences.  So, I
     was clear and  clean.  Right?   Wrong.  Something still felt  wrong in
     this reoccurring memory.   So, as  I told my friend  the story, as  an
     illustration, and pressed the send keys, I  stopped and just sat in my
     office  chair  behind my  desk and  focused on  the memory  event once
     again.  This time, I did something different.

          Considering  the thought  that  guilt was  present in  the memory
     event, regardless of how low level it may have been, there  was likely
     a demonic presence behind it.  It  certainly wasn't Jesus, and since I
     had cleared things up by confessing  it as sin, it couldn't have  been
     the  Lord or the Holy Spirit, there was only one possibility left.  So
     I prayed a  very specific prayer,  which I won't  repeat here at  this
     time since it can be found elsewhere on my website, and sent the demon
     away who was behind the diabolical plot.  Yes, we have such authority,
     (See Colossians 2:10).   Knowing he  was now gone, I  knew I would  be
     able to hear the voice of  the Lord clearly so I asked Him  what I now
     needed to  see as  He saw it.   In  short, I was  asking the  Lord the
     nature of the lie that remained which  the demon was keeping hidden by
     distracting me with the guilt I felt about Danny.  I clearly heard the
     Lord in my thoughts  saying, "The lie is related to  your father.  The
     demon lied and said your  father should have suggested you share  with
     Danny.   The  demon was  saying it  was your  dad's fault."   I almost
     laughed when I felt the voice of the  Lord.  I rarely hear words in my
     mind but feel impressions which I in turn put it into my own words.  I
     knew  this was  the truth  and I  know the  demon had  lied and  tried
     covering up the truth  with guilt.  I was free.  Now  I understood.  I
     still wish, of course, that I had  been smart enough to have willingly
     shared with my  best friend but  that is a commonly  felt emotion.   A
     normal person  would feel  such concern for  his friend  under similar
     circumstances.   Thus, the sadness was a  normal human response due to
     my friendship with Danny.

          "Why is this so important?" I can hear someone asking  about this
     time.  That's the easiest aspect of all of this to overlook.  You see,
     this whole thing had  nothing to do with Danny, the 5 dollar bill, me,
     or my dad; it was about God.  "God?"  You heard me  the first time; it
     is about God; God the  Father.  If a lying spirit can  confuse us into
     thinking God isn't really our Father, that he acts and thinks  like an
     earthly father,  then we  will have a  distorted picture  of the  true
     nature and  identity of our  Heavenly Father.   Quick on the  heals of
     this concept of  God, comes the true  nature and identity of  the True
     Lord Jesus Christ.   Most of you  reading this testimony have,  at the
     least, an indistinct, and at the worst, obscure picture of God as your
     Father.  The rest of us have a spiritually cracked and  fractured idea
     of who the True Lord Jesus Christ really is.  Most want to believe God
     the  Father, and  God the  Son,  are the  meanest, harshest,  cruelest
     father figures, who love to beat their children just to hear them cry.
     If you don't think  so, just listen to the average  sermon preached on
     Hebrews  12:5-11 on the chastisement of  the Believer and then tell me
     I'm wrong.  By  the way, I've written on this passage of Scripture and
     explained the true meaning so if you need to,  read it before you call
     to tell  me how  wrong I  am.   Then come and  sit with  me in  prayer
     sessions  and listen to  how most people speak  about their father and
     why they confess they are afraid of God.

          I  was sitting  out on  my deck  swing one summer  afternoon, and
     thinking of  nothing in  particular, when  a voice,  very close  to my
     face,  said, "Are you  afraid of me?"   A few years  ago, I would have
     started shaking,  my chest would  have flushed  as if  having a  heart
     attack, and I  would have been confessing  the name of Jesus  over and
     over again in order to drive  the demon I thought was whispering  into
     my  ear off the  planet.  This  time, however, I  recognized it as the
     voice of the Lord.  It wasn't, by the way, His voice speaking to me in
     my thoughts, not my ear, that surprised me; it was my own answer which
     came immediately and without hesitation.  I said, "No.  I'm not afraid
     of you," and I knew it was  true.  God didn't and doesn't, frighten me
     any longer.  Oh, don't misunderstand me.  I know God's greatness and I
     know the power  and authority of His son; Jesus Christ.  It no longer,
     however,  scares  me.   In fact,  we  are buddies  now because  I have
     experienced their  power and  authority hundreds of  times in  my life
     just as  a simple  Christian without a  degree, not  even an  honorary
     degree, although I've been  tempted to spend $29.95 for a  PhD off the
     internet just for fun, to my name.   I wonder what you think about God
     the  Father and  the  True Lord  Jesus Christ?    The Friendliest  and
     kindness person I  know is Jesus Christ.   The most loving  and caring
     person  I know  is  God the  Father.   How  would  you identify  them?
     Through  love  and  freedom  of  spirit  and  humor  or  through  your
     unresolved woundedness and pain?  I already know the answer but let me
     relate to you  the second memory event which is directly linked to the

          A memory which has, for some  reason, bothered me for most of  my
     life occurred when I was about 8 or  10 years of age.  This would have
     been in the early sixties.

          We attended a large, 1,000  member, independent Baptist church in
     Des Moines, Iowa where I was born and raised.  Once a  year, or so, an
     all  black downtown black church,  came to the  white suburbs and used
     our baptistery since they had none of their own.  The black pastor was
     a wonderful preacher but the first time he baptize some of his people,
     he almost drowned them  due to lack of experience.  I  didn't think he
     was doing all that poorly but I  heard a few snickers around the large
     auditorium as  we watched  him baptize.   I  must admit,  he got  much
     better  as time went on  and his church  grew and he  brought more and
     more to be water baptized.  There was little doubt  he was a great man
     of God in my book.

          In my later ears as a student, I attended a Baptist college about
     10 miles from the  church I used  to attend.  The  black pastor was  a
     frequent guest speaker in our daily  chapel services and we all  loved
     and  enjoyed   his  fiery  delivery,  theological   wisdom,  doctrinal
     knowledge, and spiritual insight.

          As a boy attending the  large Baptist church, it was  no surprise
     to me when my father invited the black pastor and his wife, along with
     several other white  people, from the church, to come to our house for
     fellowship  following an  evening service.   This  was often  the case
     around our  house.  In some  respect, I was  a little puzzled.   I had
     been  taught to be careful what you said around "colored people," that
     was the ()PC)  politically correct term used back  then when referring
     to half way respected blacks, because if  they happened to be mean, or
     criminal in nature, they might pull  out a knife and stab you.   So, I
     grew up thinking all black people carried knives and might be a little
     dangerous.  I didn't have these same feelings about the black  pastor.
     After all, he  was a Born Again  Christian, my dad liked  him, and was
     even inviting  him over  to our house.   Cool!   I sort of  felt proud
     about the whole  thing.  Don't  get me  wrong.  My  dad and the  black
     preacher never did pal around  together, playing golf or going fishing
     together, but my dad admired the man, his Christian testimony,  and he
     thought nothing about his color when it came to having him over to our
     house for after  evening service fellowship.  As I said, several white
     people were also invited so our long driveway, and out in front on the
     street, had several cars parked around the house that night.

          In  my day, children  were seen and  not heard.   An extension to
     this rule  was children  were  not seen  at  all and  especially  when
     company was  around.  I wasn't  told such but  I figured it out  on my
     own.   So,  knowing our  little one  bedroom house,  and finished  off
     addict with two additional bedrooms, no heat, and no air conditioning,
     I lived a rough  life as you can see, I figured, since I enjoyed being
     outdoors at  night, seeing  lights, watching the  moon and  stars, and
     just  the enjoyment  of doing  something different,  that this  time I
     would spend my time outside while company was at the house.

          As I stood  watching the  people coming  to our home,  I saw  the
     black preacher, and  his wife, as well  as other whites my  father had
     invited for  the evening fellowship at our home, going into the house.
     This  particular memory  was frozen  in my  thoughts for  decades.   I
     examined it  many times to  see if something  was wrong, that  is, was
     there some  type of  lie associated with  this innocent  event because
     something always  felt slightly wrong but what?   Nothing ever came to
     mind until a few months ago.

          As the memory once again flashed into  my mind, I examined it and
     as I watched the scene unfold,  realizing it was dark already and  the
     only light was coming  from the porch, I felt, as  much as hearing the
     voice in my  thoughts, saying, "Your dad didn't  want the neighbors to
     know that he was allowing blacks to  come to his house.  That's why he
     waited till  nightfall."  I  was somewhat shocked by  this revelation.
     Yes,  my dad  occasionally  told jokes  relating to  blacks.   It  was
     commonly done at that time  in my white neighborhood.  Yes, as I afore
     mentioned,  I  was  literally  taught  to watch  what  I  said  around
     "colored" people because they might stab me with their knife if I said
     something wrong  in their presence.   Yes, that  is racism.   I never,
     even as a child, felt comfortable with all this for some reason.   So,
     when I felt  the impression  in my  mind that  my father  deliberately
     invited this black  preacher to our home after it was dark outside, it
     didn't  feel exactly  right.  Based  upon my upbringing,  on the other
     hand, it had a fragment of truth to the  suggestion.  That should have
     tipped me off immediately but it didn't.  It didn't until I was healed
     in the  memory concerning  the event with  my friend  Danny and  the 5
     dollar bill.

          If you will  go back  and read the  story about Danny  and the  5
     dollar bill again,  you will clearly  see that guilt,  as faint as  it
     might have been,  was masked by  personal sorrow  that I didn't  share
     with my friend when I should have  done so.  You will also notice that
     the true  lie was not revealed until the guilt was confessed as sin to
     the Lord  and the  demon behind  the lie was  removed.   No, I  saw no
     demon,  but when there  is a lie,  there is a  demonic presence always
     associated with it.   So, from practical experience, I  knew the lying
     spirit had  to be in that memory event.   That's why I prayed and sent
     him  away.  Once he  was gone, the Lord's voice  impressed upon me the
     part  the demon was hiding  from my understanding  when the Lord said:
     ""The lie is  related to your  father.  The  demon lied and said  your
     father should  have suggested  you share  with Danny.   The  demon was
     saying it was your dad's fault."

          This lie had  a direct link to  the second memory, which  made no
     more  sense to  me than the  first, nonetheless, I  felt something was
     wrong in  both  memories.   The lie  in the  second  memory event  was
     similar to the first.  "It is your dad's fault.  He doesn't like black
     people.   It is  dark so that  is why  he invited these  people over."
     Oddly enough, at  first, as this memory flashed into my mind, it truly
     felt  as if those  words were being  spoken outside of my  mind but it
     seemed  as if those  words had  always been there,  thus it  had to be
     true, but it wasn't.  The lie  was perpetrated by being implanted at a
     later  time in order for the enemy to  gain a handhold, and hence, the
     opportunity to advance his devious plan to disstablize my relationship
     with the Lord.

          My  point  is this.    The key,  in  both memories,  was  a lying
     accusation  relating to  my  father.   If  I  had  believe these  two,
     seemingly true identifications relating to  my father, the Enemy could
     have used the feelings it gave me  about my father to advance his lies
     by making them a stronghold against my spiritual concept of the nature
     of God as my father.  He, the Enemy, cannot do that now because he has
     been exposed.

          Furthermore,  I want to make it  clear that the two memories were
     linked.  I  tried, literally for years,  to figure out what  was wrong
     with the second  memory.  Until, that is, one day, the thought entered
     my mind that indeed  my father only invited  a black man to  our house
     under  the cover  of  darkness  so neighbors  could  not  see we  were
     inviting blacks into our white neighborhood.  Of  course, that idea is
     utterly  stupid because the  porch light illuminated  the entire front
     yard and the  black man  and his  wife, parked on  the street,  walked
     across the  length of the  entire yard as they  made their way  to the
     front door and were entirely in the light the whole time.   You'd have
     to be blind not  to have noticed they  were black.  The second  memory
     could not  be properly exposed  until the  first memory,  about the  5
     dollar bill, was  cleared of the woundedness,  (guilt), and ultimately
     of the lie  it contained.   Then the second  memory instantly came  to
     mind and when I saw it,  I immediately realized the similarity between
     the two and could pray accordingly.

          Someone might point out about  this time that these two memories,
     even if what I  have reported about them  is true, are not  really all
     that important.  Perhaps  you might say that but you'll  never find me
     minimizing the healing power of God.   He wanted these memories healed
     for  some reason and that reason,  in my opinion, was directly related
     to the Fatherhood  of God.   If  that isn't mighty  important to  you,
     someone will have  to explain what is.   When Jesus is  that close and
     that  real that  He wants  to  heal childhood  memories which  contain
     destructive demonic lies, I'm more  than willing to receive his truth.
     Besides, Jesus  isn't even remotely  interested in your  assessment of
     His eternal work.

          I  have  no  doubt   that  those  reading  this  testimony   have
     experienced, just by reading this, memory events that have popped into
     your thinking.   You  may even have  experienced the  wounded emotions
     related to the  memory event itself.  I pray with  people for the lies
     to be  exposed.  I'm not a one-time, do  it all in one single session,
     type of  person.  I  am an  intercessor and if  you are serious  about
     scheduling prayer  session until the  lies that are hindering  you are
     exposed, and until you can learn the simple, but automatic, techniques
     I used to pray  continuously without ever moving your lips,  give me a

     Safe Place Fellowship
     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado
     Mountain Time Zone

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