The Deep Pain Of A Century Old Lie

                                   By Phil Scovell

               I went to bed angry.  I knew it was wrong, of course,  since
          the Bible  says not to let the  sun go down on your  wrath, but I
          could not locate the source of my anger.  That isn't exactly true
          because  I did  know something  about  the anger  but I  thought,
          foolishly, it would go away by morning if I slept on it.  wrong.

               when  I awakened with a  terrible headache the next morning,
          it was a good two hours before I normally would be getting up.  I
          got up, took  some pain medications,  and waited for it  to work.
          As  I waited for my  headache to subside,  I suddenly realized my
          anger was still there.  I prayed and asked the Lord the source of
          this anger.  Frankly, I thought I knew the source, but instead of
          taking me to what I thought was  wrong, the Lord immediately took
          me to a memory that  was very sad and was eleven years  old.  Let
          me  explain  to   you  this  memory  so  you'll   have  a  better
          understanding of how the Lord healed me from the pain and anger.

               This  particular memory event occurred at least eleven years
          ago but  as I was soon to  find out, it was older  than that.  In
          fact, it was over 100 years old.

               Since  my wife  and I  are  both blind,  we obviously  don't
          drive.   Funny, though.  We  always ended up buying,  paying for,
          registering,  insuring,  washing,  maintaining,  and  making  the
          monthly payments on all  the cars we bought for our  kids as they
          began driving.

               The first vehicle we purchase was a lemon.  It broke down so
          much, that I put in as much money for repairs the first year as I
          did on buying the car and that was about 2200 dollars.  So, every
          time I climbed into the  car, my ears immediately began listening
          to the  motor.  What was going to break down next?  It was a very
          relaxing experience to always be  worried about your car each and
          ever  time you got  in it.   A little tongue in  cheek, there, of

               My oldest son had been driving for only two months.  Some of
          the nicest Christmas tree lights in Denver are within a couple of
          miles  of  our house.   One  man  in that  neighborhood  has over
          100,000 Christmas lights in his yard and  on his house.  Well, we
          had  been to this  neighborhood many times  but never  alone as a
          family.  This was our  first time out as a family in  our own car
          just to see  Christmas lights.   It  was kind of  thrilling.   My
          oldest  son had  a bad  attitude about  it because he  likely had
          other plans  for the evening.   So  he complained and  moaned and
          carried on like a two year old the whole time.  This made me very
          happy, of  course, and my  attitude improved by  the minute  as I
          listened for the next clink in the engine.

               Suddenly, the engine died all  together and we rolled to the
          curb.  Now what?  My oldest  son immediately jumped on me for not
          keeping the car in better shape.  My wife was questioning me from
          the  back, where else, about having to have known more about what
          was  wrong, and  I swear,  my  hand on  the bible,  my  other two
          younger kids were saying something about  me, too.  Of course, by
          this point, I  could have  been imagining  things but  I was  not
          imagining the deep painful sadness I felt inside of me.  I made a
          couple  of  very unchristian  comments  about the  whole  kit and
          caboodle of the lot, told my son  to turn the blank key over, and
          bingo!   The engine fired, ran smooth, and we  went on to see all
          the Christmas lights.  The only bad  part was my oldest son still
          griping  about having to  take us on  a 15 minute ride.   To this
          day, I still don't know what he was bugged about.  The only thing
          that could possibly go wrong now is the Santa Clause standing out
          in front of this guy's house refusing me candy as we slowly drove
          by.  Now, back to my anger.

               So  I get  up  early, like  I  said, take  something for  my
          headache, and  as I am standing at the  sink, half asleep, I feel
          my anger still there.  Oh, shoot.  I thought  it would die during
          the night and now it was still there.  So, I do what I always do;
          I prayed.   "Lord," I said, "I guess  there's someplace I need to
          go  to find the  origin of this  anger, so take  me to the memory
          where the  lie is that this  anger is hiding."   You see,  I have
          learned that  anger is never  the problem.   Anger masks the  lie
          which creates the anger and the lie can be anything, too.

               So as soon as I ask the Lord  to show me the lie, bang.  I'm
          back in  the car at  Christmas time eleven years  ago and feeling
          the pain of  the sadness  is if it  were yesterday.   So I  said,
          "Lord, this ain't it.  There's no anger in this memory.  I see no
          lies in this memory.   So let me  see the first time I  felt this
          anger."  I was closing a cupboard door as I was praying.   By the
          way, all I am describing to you now  took about thirty seconds of
          total prayer time.  As I closed the cupboard door,  explaining to
          the  Lord how He  had led me  to the wrong  place, I heard myself
          saying, "But I will never forget the pain and sadness buried deep
          down  inside of me as I sat in that  car."  I froze.  I knew that
          such a feeling  could only mean one  thing and that memory  had a
          lie in it  and had to be healed  or it would come  back to bother
          me.   So I said, "Ok, Lord.   You took me to  the right place but
          where is the lie in the memory because I can't see it."

               The Holy Spirit  began talking to me and said,  "How did you
          feel  in the car  with your  family criticizing  you for  the car
          breaking down?"

               "Sad," I said flatly.

               "How did you feel about the sadness?" He wanted to know.

               I  heard  myself saying  to  the  Holy Spirit,  in  complete
          amazement, "I felt like a poor father."

               "And  how did you  feel about  being a  poor father  at that
          moment," the Holy Spirit asked.

               "I felt like  I was a lousy  provider for my own  family and
          thus not a good dad."

               "Was that true?" the Holy Spirit ask.

               Suddenly, I saw it  was a lie.  Somebody told  me I wasn't a
          good enough father.   So I said,  "Lord, where in my  entire life
          did I get the idea I was a  poor and lousy father because I can't
          feel it any where in my life."

               At this very moment, my mind flashed backward throughout  my
          entire life; even  back into the early  days of my childhood.   I
          saw in  front of  me, a  large, wall  to wall, black  board in  a
          school room which had  just been wiped clean.  I  prayed.  "Lord,
          there is nothing in my life, then, which is the root of this  lie
          about being a lousy  father.  So  I am stuck.   I can't find  the
          truth.  Where is it?"

               The Holy  Spirit then  said to  me, "What  have I  shown you
          about your dad?"

               I  said, "I  know  my  dad had  similar  feelings about  his
          identity but what does that have to do with me?"

               the  Holy Spirit  said, "What  else do  you know  about your

               I said,  "Well, he was born two and  a half months after the
          death of his own father."

               "So  what do  you suppose  your father  might have  felt, or
          heard people talking about, concerning his birth?"

               then I understood.  My father thought he could not be a good
          enough father,  or a good enough  man, because he had  no father.
          The Holy Spirit  revealed this  concept to  me in  an instant  of
          time.  Further more, the Holy Spirit also impressed  upon me that
          my father's  own dad,  my grandfather, felt  this same  way about
          himself,  too.   He furthermore  impressed  upon me  that it  was
          passed down to my  dad's generation and then ultimately to my own

               when any lie is exposed by the Holy Spirit, the next step is
          generally to listen for  the truth of God and that's  what I did.
          Jesus spoke and  said, "You are not a lousy father and never have
          been.  I am always with you."

               Well, you say, that's all nice and good but it sounds like a
          bunch  of spiritual  emotional trickery  and hocus  pocus to  me.
          Fine.  You  can believe  whatever you wish.   However, when  this
          thirty  second conversation  with the  Lord  was over,  I had  no
          anger, the  sadness I felt in the memory  had vanished, and I was
          free.  This lie was over a century old, yet I was free from it by
          the power of  the Holy Spirit and  the Healing power of  the True
          Lord Jesus Christ.   So, as I said,  believe what you wish.   I'm
          free from the lie.

               I have  learn, in praying  with many people, that  often, as
          children,  and  many times  as little  babies, sometimes  even as
          little babies in the womb, they hear the worries and concerns and
          feel the guilt and  the grief and sadness  of those around  them.
          If you doubt this is true, I'll  give you names and phone numbers
          of people who experience exactly what I am  talking about with no
          suggestiveness  on  my  part.     The  Enemy  often  uses   these
          opportunities to  implant lies  in  our thinking.   Many  decades
          later, the lies are triggered by  current day events and the  old
          emotions rush out to cause us pain.  The secret?   Instantly turn
          to the Lord and ask Him to show you the source.  You may discover
          as did I, it is more than a century old.

                               End Of Document

     Safe Place Fellowship
     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado - Mountain Time Zone
     Web:  WWW.SafePlaceFellowship.COM
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