Walking Free From Depression And Suicide

                              By George R


               I  am a man  that is 46  years old. I  had accomplished many
          things  in  my  life.   Made  a  lot  of  money,  had small  time
          businesses, and made   money as a futures and commodities trader.
          I learned all I could to gain everything I could in the world; by
          its standards.

               I  Married at  18 years  of  age and  am  still married  and
          faithful for 28 years.  I have two wonderful children.

               I  have been a sufferer of  major depression to the point of
          suicide; even trying to figure out the most painless way to do it
          at great lengths.   I did not realize what my  problem was or why
          this could  be happening to me.  Albeit when  I was younger I was
          the most  happy productive positive  person.  I never  dreamed or
          even knew what depression was much less it would get me.  I would
          think, well if I do die  somewhere in life, I will go home  to be
          with Jesus because I am saved.  I was very confident and then all
          of a sudden the day came the darkness of depression moved in like
          I can't even describe.   I begged God to kill me;  take me out of
          the world.  Death would not even come  to me even though I begged
          for it.   Day and night I cried and literally  scared to death of
          what I do not know.   Scared to die and scared to live.  No I was
          not on drugs nor did I have a drinking problem.  I  was a man who
          loved life even though most of my family members have passed away
          and my  daughter has been in the hospital  many many times in her
          life.   I always seemed to  be ok.   Maybe a mid-life crisis?   I
          sincerely doubt it.   I had always held up under some of the most
          scary situations that life could bring.  So now why was  I afraid
          and scared out of my wits of death?

               I could not even pass by a cemetery without going to pieces.
          Death and caskets and  hearses haunted me and taunted me.   Did I
          read Stephen King novels? The answer is no.  I would watch Psycho
          with Norman Bates and unconsciously was trying to find some of my
          answers.  I could  relate to him as  I was treated like him  as a
          child.   As a matter  of fact one  of the actresses asked  him in
          Psycho 2  when they were  in Norman's mothers bedroom,  she said,
          "What happened in  this room  that scared  you so bad?"   When  I
          heard that, it did something to me.   I remember as a 6 year  old
          child of going into our bathroom at home, my Mother was in there,
          and  I said, "Mom, I am afraid to  die."  She said son your going
          to live a long time.   Why would a 6 year old child  be afraid to
          die, you ask?

               At the  point of almost killing myself I found  Phil Scovell
          and Safe place fellowship.  Intercessory prayer was the beginning
          of the end of my depression.  I am by no means there 100  percent
          yet but have received many healings from my Lord Jesus.  The Lord
          would  take me  back to places  where the  memories were  hurt or
          scared me so bad.  He would show me he was there  with me, expose
          Satan's lies, and  give me His truth and thereby setting me free.
          As  I said I am not all the way  there yet but have made a lot of
          progress.  I did  not realize it but I was carrying all the hurts
          and pains of my life.   Jesus, through His great love, has  shown
          and healed me in a lot of these areas.  Did I  ever take medicine
          for depression?   Yes!  Do I  hear the Lord's voice  clearer now?
          Yes, indeed, and  it is wonderful.   Do I believe he  is standing
          right next to me?  Most assuredly

               My own Pastor even made  light of people that are depressed.
          Very few people in the Body of Christ  know how to deal with this
          problem.  I  know, because  I sought  there help.   I would  read
          every  spiritual book  I could get  my hands  on.  Jesus  knew my
          problem  and now He is getting  it out of me through intercessory
          prayer.

          Sincerely,

          your brother in the faith,

          George R.

                            End Of Document

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