It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved



                                      53

                        WOULD YOU LIKE TO BECOME WELL?


                              By Carol Pearson






          One day, as  I was going through a time of deep sorrow and trauma
     and God was healing me in many places following the death of my father
     and especially in the  area of bereavement, I felt a  burden too heavy
     and dark and horrible even to  handle.  It felt as though it  was that
     "immoveable mountain" so much bigger  than myself, but  it  was not so
     big that God could not remove it!
          As we  prayed, I was asked if I wanted  this burden to be removed
     and  encouraged to give it to the Lord.  "Yes, I did  want Him to take
     it, and I  wanted to give it - but how could  I?"  It was far too big.
     I felt I couldn't even lift it!
          As I looked for a way, God spoke to me and called me to come into
     His safe place, the shelter from  the storm, and let Him do the  rest.
     He spoke to me  with a verse from the Bible which says,  "The name  of
     the Lord is a  strong  tower; the righteous man runs  it and is safe."
     (Proverbs 18:10).  Yes,  it was easy too!   No sooner had I turned  to
     Him and began to run  to Him than He was there with  me and the burden
     was no longer my  responsibility but His!  He took it  and many others
     also  at that  time and I  found healing  and release from  many heavy
     burdens!
          I began  to see what  a wonderfully safe place  I had in  Him and
     desired to remain there always, sheltered from  the storms of life, as
     He carried my burdens and I received afresh from Him the protection He
     offers His children.  What a wonderful sense of peace that brought!
          Let me explain this a little more.  In my early life I suffered a
     good deal of mental and physical abuse, and also went through a number
     of traumatic events.  These began with a very premature birth, a "near
     death"  experience  at  two  days  old,  followed  by  some  long-term
     rejection by my  mother, whilst my father had work which took him away
     from home on a schedule which was far too complex for a small child to
     understand.  I was   forced to leave  home to attend a  school for the
     blind at the age of two  and a  half ...  Oh, yes, and the story  goes
     on and on!   The deep-seated  real  grief that I experienced  over and
     over  and  over  again, together   with anxiety  and  fear  as I   was
     forced to be away from my parents and in new surroundings caused great
     pain in my little life,  such that I was not able to cope with it in a
     normal way.  I became what is  termed "Dissociated", where parts of my
     mind became fragmented as I developed my own special, complex "coping"
     mechanisms  in    order  to    survive.   This  is    now  known    as
     "Dissociative Identity  Disorder"  (DID for short).  It was   formerly
     referred to as "Multiple  Personality Disorder" or MPD), but this  was
     felt to  be a misleading  term.   A  person  with DID( MPD) does  have
     two  or    more entities,  (personality  states)  each with  its   own
     independent way  of perceiving, thinking, remembering  and relating to
     the  person's  life.  If more  than one of   these entities (sometimes
     called "personalities") control the person's behavior  at a given time
     a diagnosis  of MPD can  be made.  "Dissociation" is real.   It is now
     not considered  to be a psychosis  nor  a  personality   disorder  but
     is   documented   by   the professionals  to be  a very  sophisticated
     survival mechanism for  coping with  overwhelming   and often (as   in
     my case) enduring,   childhood trauma."   dissociative Disorders (DID)
     are  now   much wider  recognized and  are  understood  to be   fairly
     common  effects of severe   trauma in early  childhood which   can  be
     extreme   and  often require  long-term  treatment  which  is  usually
     carried  out  by  psychiatrists  and/or psychologists.
          This all may sound a little "far fetched" to you as you read, but
     I  assure you  that this  Dissociated Identity  Disorder from  which I
     suffered is real.  It is now well documented on the Internet.  See: 
     http://www.tag-uk.net/articles/dissociation.htm
     to learn more about this from Christian professionals.  It is exciting
     to  discover  that, not  only  is  this  more readily  understood  and
     accepted by Christians but also  that some are recognizing the healing
     power of Jesus  Christ in such areas as  Dissociated Identity Disorder
     and  other trauma  related conditions  and are  playing their  part in
     supporting and,  most importantly,  praying with  and for  traumatized
     individuals.  God does the rest!  Furthermore, He doesn't have  to use
     the  pastor of  a church  to  help those  who have  any need  of God's
     healing.  Those of us who have experienced such healing  know, without
     a  doubt, that we  are becoming  "whole", so that  we can grow  as His
     beloved children and become more and more like Him and be those strong
     and healthy believers He wants us to be!
          For the sake of simplicity in this article, I refer to those many
     "separate  entities"  in  my   life as  "my  own   particular  "little
     personalities", because  that's the way  I often viewed them.   (Other
     friends also  who still  suffer from  this condition  will be able  to
     identify with these "personalities").  To me, they were my own "little
     helpers".   Most had names and  did various jobs  to protect my   life
     from all harm, or at  least that which   I perceived to be  "harmful",
     and did a  good job too,  covering up well,  for example, when (at the
     age of eight)   I  hid serious illness from my worried   parents for a
     number  of days because I  couldn't cope  with their anxiety, which  I
     had already experienced in other traumatic illness situations.  I even
     had  my  own  "nurse"    and  "doctor"    to  help    me  through  the
     tremendously painful illness I  suffered!  I would categorically state
     here that   these "entities/little helpers"  were NOT  demons, as some
     would think.  I believe it would have  done harm to me to try to "cast
     them out".  They loved  me  and learned to   love and trust  Phil  who
     prayed  with me  and eventually were happy to let  Jesus make me whole
     again!
          This "coping  mechanism" worked  for me for  many years,  until I
     began to experience the healing detailed  at the top of this  article.
     It was  then that I discovered  God's desire to heal  my "Dissociative
     Identity Disorder" also.  After all, only  He could really care for me
     properly, only He  could really shelter me from the storm and He alone
     was able to make me whole again.  If I wanted to be  whole then He was
     willing to bring about that healing!
          He did a very wonderful thing!  He set about making Himself known
     to my various "personalities",   as I may describe them here.  Yes, He
     even got  down with them  and talked and  played (as they did)   until
     they were  totally  comfortable with   Him.  It  took  some months  of
     regular prayer as they   all had developed  in their  own  little ways
     and   were afraid to move  out from what   they knew and the  way they
     worked; but He  was  patient  and waited  for  the  right  time.  Once
     they were comfortable and wanted to  live with Him in the light,  even
     as He is  in the light, He   was able to  bring  them into  that light
     and to restore them as one whole  being again.  This  meant that I was
     now healed from the "coping mechanisms" I  had adopted to take care of
     myself even as far  back as a  small baby.  He has recently  talked to
     me some more about my need for Him  to take care of me -  that is, for
     Him to  take care of all  of me - and to protect me totally, in  a far
     more wonderful  way  than  I   could  ever  have   been  protected  by
     my  own  "little helpers"/coping mechanisms.  He has  shown me that He
     can protect those inner parts, my   thoughts and feelings that get  so
     easily hurt, and keep me safe from the harmful weapons of Satan.  What
     a wonderful, loving Heavenly Father we have!
          I have more  healing to experience and  more joy to come  but, in
     the meantime, I am so glad to return thanks to Him for all that He has
     done so far in my life!  If you think you may need healing as a result
     of life's  traumas, please contact  Phil at Safe Place  Fellowship and
     someone will be glad to pray with you.
          In John's Gospel, Chapter 5 and Verse 6, Jesus asks a man who had
     been infirm  for 38  years, "Would you  like to become  well?" He asks
     this of  a man who  has waited  a long  time by the  Pool of  Bethesda
     without anyone to help him and unable to  help himself to get into the
     water and  be healed:  He still offers  that invitation today, that we
     may become whole!