It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved



                                      50

                        PRAYING ACROSS THE ATLANTIC


                                  By Carol Pearson






          What do  you do when  you feel so burdened  following bereavement
     that you scarcely can  function any more?  Who can  you trust to help?
     Who will help?  Who CAN!  Is God really wanting and able to take these
     and many more hurts and replace them with a deep knowledge of Himself,
     His love and His presence?
          Earlier  this  year  I  knew  that  I  was  suffering  the  final
     bereavement after my  father died, but I was also carrying around many
     many  scars from  the times  when I  felt total  separation from  him.
     Numerous times he took  me back to nursery and other  boarding schools
     from the age of two and a half and left me there for weeks on end.  In
     the later  years  of his  life,  there were  times  we were  separated
     because his  friends really  didn't want  me around and,  living at  a
     distance, I saw very little of him.
          I became a  Christian in the  Summer of 1965  and have known  the
     love  of God and His ability to keep  me despite my many downfalls.  I
     have learned to lean on Him in lots of situations and He, in turn, has
     chosen  to  use me  for  the  blessing  of  others  regardless  of  my
     woundedness and shortcomings.  After the  death of my father, I wasn't
     going to "Give in!"  I was even more determined to go  all the way and
     let Him do with me exactly as He pleased!
          I have  known Phil,  via email  and a mailing  list, for  several
     years, but we  had never met  together as we  live thousands of  miles
     apart.  I began to "open up" in my emails to him as he had shared with
     me the goodness of God in healing him.  We began to pray together over
     the telephone - the line stretched between the UK, across the Atlantic
     and over to Denver - and all  calls have cost me less than 50  pounds,
     which  have been well worth it.   God moved sovereignly as we sat back
     and watched and it was exciting.
          These were no  ordinary counselling sessions.  I  was not looking
     for counselling; I wanted God more and more and His healing touch upon
     many different aspects  of my life.  I didn't want Phil to speak words
     from the Lord to me, I wanted to hear Him for myself.  The process has
     been simple:  We have just asked Him to heal those wounds, and He  has
     worked.  One after  another, as He took me to those things in the past
     which had just served to hurt and  to cripple me, He has spoken  words
     of truth and comfort to my heart.
          There were many lies that I had believed about myself since I was
     very small and  Satan and his  demonic helpers have  loved to work  on
     these implanted  lies.  As  the Lord Jesus Himself  brought these lies
     into my conscious  thinking and showed me  what I had believed,  I was
     able to acknowledge the "lies" and then Jesus Himself showed me truth.
     The darkness began to go and  the light began to shine ever  brighter.
     He gave me precious pictures which served to show me all the more just
     how much He loved  me and how He had been right  there with me through
     all my painful experiences.
          Once the lies were gone, so were the taunts of Satan.  He and his
     demons had nothing more to build upon because they can only stay if we
     have  lies in our lives.   They did not fight  because they were under
     the authority of the Lord Jesus and had to obey Him.  I no longer feel
     an uncontrollable desire to kill myself or harm myself with knives and
     I  am free  from ungodly  (unhealthy) ties  which had  their  route in
     Freemasonry in which my ancestors were involved.
          For me this has been a process of bringing my mind much more into
     line with my  new heart  (where Jesus  dwells).  This  is the  process
     which is  referred  to in  the Bible  as the  "renewal  of the  mind."
     Romans 12 instructs that  we do this.  If we do not  allow Him to work
     in us and do this,  it is impossible for us to be free of our past and
     move into the total freedom that He has for us in the present.
          Before we had prayer  sessions together, I was not able  to do as
     the Bible instructed  and "Take every thought  captive," because there
     were  some wounds  which were  just too  painful for  me to  go to  by
     myself.   I  needed the  agreement in  prayer and  support of  another
     fellow believer.   That is a  very important aspect  of the  Christian
     life to  me.  I  have found God's  Word to be  true, that if  we agree
     together  in prayer on anything, it will be done for us.  (See Matthew
     18:19).
          In the Gospel of John, we read that we (you) shall know the truth
     (this describes the  Lord Jesus Himself as  He is the truth)  and that
     the truth will set  us free.  You will  be, no doubt, asking me  about
     those things from which Jesus has set me free?  It is not possible for
     me to  recall everything but the  list includes freedom from  the deep
     pain of bereavement and rejection  which had occurred at my birth  and
     then  time and again in my life.   I had many lie based scars, where I
     had taken  the blame for that which  I did not do and  for which I was
     not responsible as a child.  I have been able to recall and look  with
     Jesus' compassion  on a  number of  men who  sexually abused  me as  a
     child, understanding that they too had very wounded lives.  Some of my
     past memories  caused me to  be very  afraid, whilst  others (such  as
     bullying in school over a long period) left me feeling inadequate  and
     "no  good".  That is not how the Lord  sees me and, now, not how I see
     myself either.  In addition,  my family went through traumas together,
     including  the death  of my  youngest brother  when he  was seventeen.
     This experience caused us to  become fragmented and wrapped up in  our
     own personal  grief which  we were  unable to  expel.   In turn,  this
     resulted in our continuing to hurt each other.  We became one of those
     "dysfunctional  families".     The  Lord   Jesus  has  now   given  me
     understanding of this and a deep  compassion for my brother and sister
     who  do not  yet know Him.   I  know what He  meant now,  in a greater
     measure than ever before, when He said, as He lay on that cross taking
     our sins upon Himself:  "Father, forgive them, for they know  not what
     they do!"
          I had often  wondered why, so often,  I would have a  tendency to
     day dream,  then I  would also  find it  difficult to  direct my  mind
     quickly and easily between the  various happenings which were going on
     around me.  Again,  so often I found  that, however much I  tried, the
     Word of God would just be snatched from my mind and I  would be unable
     to recall  what He had spoken to  me just a short time  before.  These
     things worried me a lot.  Were they normal?  I would wonder, did other
     people have these problems?
          Some time  ago I  read about a  condition which  psychology calls
     "Dissociative Identity  Disorder"  (DID;)  (it used  to  be  known  as
     Multiple Personality  Disorder).   Some of my  symptoms seemed  to fit
     this condition.  I was afraid to find  out at first; but one day, as I
     was receiving healing from the Lord, various personalities - a part of
     my personality and  Satan's demons ' made themselves known to us, some
     explaining what they did to keep me safe from harm and pain.  They had
     taken on  various defensive mechanisms  in my mind, shielding  it from
     some of the traumatic pain  which was thrown at me when I  was a child
     and  enabling me  to  keep  things hidden  and  compartmentalized.   I
     believe it is true that, if I had not developed these personalities, I
     may well have ended up in an institution for the mentally ill.  If God
     had not been so  good to me and allowed me  these coping mechanisms, I
     do believe I would have suffered further  pain which those who live in
     mental institutions may  be shielded from, but only  usually by taking
     more and more drugs to mask that pain.   Jesus Christ loves us all and
     offers us healing  as we  come to  Him with our  broken and  shattered
     lives, with all their hurts and pain.    Have   I   arrived   in  some
     "higher place" having experienced this healing?   Well, I know more of
     His love and peace and joy in my life, but there is  still more to do.
     Are there more  wounds to be  healed?  Yes, definitely,  but now I  am
     able  to face  the remainder with  Jesus and have  already had healing
     touches from Him when  praying alone.  Will I ever  find total release
     from hurt and pain, sickness and the  lies that I still have to  "take
     captive?"   Yes, on that day when  I stand before Him, His  work in me
     will be complete and I will know Him, even as I am fully known by Him,
     and I'll give Him all of the glory for what  He has accomplished in my
     life.  Until then, I am content to  let Him continue to work in me and
     heal and restore me in whatever way He chooses.   I am nobody special,
     just one of us all for whom Jesus died.  I'm just one of many who have
     chosen to say "Yes" to His call on  my life to accept His death on the
     cross as  the payment  for  my sin  and continue  to give  Him all  of
     myself, as a love-gift to Him, to be used as He pleases.
          If this  testimony blesses you, or  you too want someone  to pray
     together with  you, contact  Safe Place Fellowship  and you  will find
     there a "safe place" in which to share your burdens and pain!