© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
47 I Tried To Die By Phil Scovell He took his gun up into the hills near his home one day to end his life. He was a born again Christian but the depression and anxiety attacks just were no longer bearable. As he sat and tried to generate enough courage to pull the trigger, his mind tried to understand how he had gotten to this point. After a few minutes, he told the Lord that he just refused to believe that the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, didn't have an answer for what he was suffering. He told the Lord he would try finding the answer one more time and went home. Sitting in front of his computer, he typed in a search command. My website came up and my phone rang soon thereafter. Robert and I have been buddies now for the last 18 months. We have prayed together, laughed together, discussed and studied the Scriptures together, and even cried together. You see, his 23 year old daughter was soon to die. From 3 months of age, they were told that their daughter had cystic fibrosis. She did fairly well until she turned 20 years of age. Then, her relationship with the Lord began to spiritually decline and so did her physical body. For the last time in her young life, she was transported to the hospital 110 miles from her home. Her mother and father stayed with her every minute of the nearly 6 months which followed. They watched her life slowly ebb away, as she struggled for breath, while at the same time, doing everything in their power, including believing and speaking life in the name of Jesus, in order to see her healed. She died. A couple of days before her death, I was praying for her and her family. I remember saying to the Lord at that time, "Lord, I am 53 years old. She is only 23 years old. I'll gladly exchange my 53 years for her 23 years. Let her live, Father, and take my life in exchange for her's." I was not joking; I meant every word I said. Then I heard His voice. "You don't need to give your life for her's. I already have." Did this make her death any easier for me? How about her parents? Of course not. It was truth, however, and truth sets us free according to John 8:32, and that is why this young lady went to Heaven. You see, Jesus does not need us to save anyone; He wants us to live with Him as the Lord of our life. Our responsibility is to live, that is, live in Him so He can live in us and in those whom have called upon His name to be born again. During the week following her death, I was thinking about my offer and what the Lord had said to me that He had already given His life for her's. In my offer, I had requested two things if I were to give my life for her's. First, the Lord would have to heal her and give her a long life. Secondly, she would have to live for God throughout the balance of her life on earth. Once again, I heard the Holy Spirit speaking. "You have parameters and limitations but Jesus made no such requests when He died. He gave his life willingly, while at the same time, knowing that many would come to Him to be born again but then would live their own life their own way." I was greatly humbled by what I heard in my spirit. It was true. Jesus did give Himself for us and made no deals. He knew some would receive Him as Savior for the forgiveness of their sins but not claim Him as the Lord of their life. Yet he died and was bodily resurrected, regardless and irrespective of what we would do with His Lordship. So in honor of a young woman's life, I ask you, are you saved? Are you born again? Are your sins forgiven? Are you going to meat my young friend who is walking with the Lord in Heaven now? Have you submitted yourself to the Lord Jesus Christ, confessing you are a sinner and cannot save yourself, and asking Him to be your Savior? If so, Has He become the Lord of your life and of every situation you face? Do you even know how to allow Him to be the Lord of your life? If not, call me and let's talk.