It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved


                               I Tried To Die

                               By Phil Scovell

          He  took his gun up into  the hills near his  home one day to end
     his life.    He was  a born  again Christian  but  the depression  and
     anxiety attacks just were no longer bearable.
          As he  sat  and tried  to  generate enough  courage to  pull  the
     trigger, his mind tried to understand how he had gotten to this point.
     After a few minutes, he told the  Lord that he just refused to believe
     that the God of the universe,  the Creator of all things, didn't  have
     an answer for what he  was suffering.  He told  the Lord he would  try
     finding the answer one more time and went home.
          Sitting in front  of his computer, he typed  in a search command.
     My website came up and my phone rang soon thereafter.
          Robert and I  have been buddies now  for the last 18  months.  We
     have  prayed together,  laughed together,  discussed  and studied  the
     Scriptures together, and  even cried together.   You see, his  23 year
     old daughter was soon to die.
          From 3  months of  age, they  were told  that their  daughter had
     cystic  fibrosis.  She  did fairly well  until she turned  20 years of
     age.   Then,  her  relationship  with the  Lord  began to  spiritually
     decline and so did her physical body.
          For the last time  in her young life, she was  transported to the
     hospital 110 miles from her home.   Her mother and father stayed  with
     her every minute of the nearly 6 months which followed.   They watched
     her life slowly  ebb away, as she  struggled for breath, while  at the
     same time,  doing everything in  their power, including  believing and
     speaking life in the  name of Jesus, in order to see  her healed.  She
          A couple of days before her death,  I was praying for her and her
     family.   I remember saying to the  Lord at that time, "Lord,  I am 53
     years old.   She is  only 23  years old.   I'll gladly exchange  my 53
     years for  her 23 years.   Let her live,  Father, and take  my life in
     exchange for her's."  I was not joking; I meant every word I said.
          Then  I heard His voice.   "You don't need to  give your life for
     her's.  I already have."
          Did this  make  her death  any  easier for  me?   How  about  her
     parents?   Of course not.   It was truth,  however, and truth  sets us
     free according to John 8:32, and  that is why this young lady  went to
     Heaven.   You see, Jesus does not need us  to save anyone; He wants us
     to live  with Him as the Lord  of our life.  Our  responsibility is to
     live, that is, live in Him so He can live in us and in those whom have
     called upon His name to be born again.
          During  the week  following her  death, I  was thinking  about my
     offer and what the Lord  had said to me that He had  already given His
     life for her's.  In my offer, I had requested two things  if I were to
     give my  life for her's.  First,  the Lord would have to  heal her and
     give  her a  long  life.   Secondly, she  would have  to live  for God
     throughout the  balance of her life on earth.  Once again, I heard the
     Holy Spirit speaking.  "You  have parameters and limitations but Jesus
     made no such requests when He died.  He gave his life willingly, while
     at the same time, knowing that many would come to Him to be born again
     but then would live their own life their own way."
          I was greatly humbled by what I heard in my spirit.  It was true.
     Jesus did give Himself for us and  made no deals.  He knew some  would
     receive Him as Savior for the forgiveness of their sins but  not claim
     Him  as  the  Lord  of  their  life.   Yet  he  died  and  was  bodily
     resurrected, regardless and irrespective of  what we would do with His
          So in  honor of a young  woman's life, I ask you,  are you saved?
     Are you born again?  Are your sins forgiven?  Are you going to meat my
     young  friend who is  walking with the  Lord in Heaven  now?  Have you
     submitted  yourself to  the Lord  Jesus Christ,  confessing you  are a
     sinner and cannot save yourself, and asking Him to be your Savior?  If
     so, Has He  become the Lord  of your life  and of every  situation you
     face?  Do you even  know how to allow Him to be the Lord of your life?
     If not, call me and let's talk.