42

                              Raped By A Memory


                               By Phil Scovell






     They were neighbors and  had been for many years.   They were visiting
     over tea.   Their conversation was light and perfectly harmless.  They
     had been  friends a  long time  and were  both born again  Christians.
     They knew each other well.
          Suddenly,  she slammed  so hard  into a  violent memory,  she was
     physically  ill.   The pain  intensified  every second  until she  was
     nearly  paralyzed  with fear.    Her  father was  raping  her and  the
     suppressed horror of that memory  had once been protected by alternate
     personalities due to dissociative  Identity Disorder.  Now  the secret
     was out and she was a little 3 year old girl again and being painfully
     raped vaginally  and rectally by a drunken father  and it would be far
     from the  last time.  The  lying spirits, associated  with the memory,
     hurled  their accusatory appellations of "Whore," and "Lesbian," which
     her intoxicated father used to  verbalize as they tried to reestablish
     a stronghold in  the little girl's life.   Her hatred for sex  and the
     mail sexual organs emotionally and mentally crashed inside of her like
     a detonating super volcanic reaction.
          My phone rang.   It was early Saturday afternoon.  I wasn't doing
     anything important but  listening to the radio.   I could tell  it was
     long distance because the ring was programmed to indicate such a call.
     Then I heard the number from the voice of the Caller Identification as
     it read  the  incoming number.    Picking up  the  phone, I  found  it
     difficult to even understand the panic stricken woman on the other end
     of the  line, and I already knew  who it was.  As  bitter tears of the
     lost memory flooded her voice,  and the raw wounded emotions tried  to
     cripple  her ability  to think,  and  as unresolved  grief choked  her
     words, and she relived the full blown event all over again, she did so
     this time  all alone.   However, not  totally alone this  time because
     Jesus was there.
          After a few  moments of explanation of current  events, we prayed
     in  agreement.    Exposure  occurred.    Jesus  began  dissecting, and
     breaking down,  the various elements  of the violence  and identifying
     the lies related to the  broken memory of a little girl.   Light began
     to bloom where  only darkness  had dwelled  for 50 years.   Lies  were
     identified and eliminated by the Holy  Spirit as the truth of God  was
     told.  His  presence was made  known and His very  existence smothered
     and  crushed  the hideous  and  terrifying feelings  from  her damaged
     emotions.  Peace flood into the  emptiness and tranquility slid in  to
     replace the  panic and  pain she suffered.   It  was done as  the Lord
     commanded.
          As I mention  previously, this was the first  time this Christian
     lady faced this memory alone.  During the actual event, her 3 year old
     mind said, "You are  too little to understand why the man  you love as
     your father is hurting you so violently.  I don't want you to remember
     even his words.  Let me help you by giving you a  friend that can keep
     the secret."  Her alternate personalities, helpers, were thus created.
     Soon, many more  would be developed as  the sexual abuse  and physical
     violence continued throughout  her life.  Some would be  men with male
     voices; some would be  women with female voices.  Lying  spirit joined
     the group by pretending to be another  helper.  They would have to  be
     all sorted out later so she once again could experience singleness  of
     mind and  so it  was.   This flashback, however,  would be  different.
     There would be no helpers this time except The Helper of all, The Holy
     Spirit, who  would assist in  cleansing the memory, than  changing it,
     and at the same time, fixing what was broken so there would be no more
     pain and so it happened.
          "Can  God do such a thing?"   God can do  anything.  "Why did God
     allow it to even happen in the first place?"  Good question.  Only  He
     knows the true answer.  One I might suggest is called the free will of
     man which  God created in  all of us.   Another such  answer, which is
     related, is that Satan is the father of lies and a destroyer of lives.
     He loves to confuse, harm,  and otherwise pollute and infest  a little
     child's  mind  so  later,  when   they  become  a  Christian,  he  can
     continually  torment them  by keeping  guilt  and fear  and anger  and
     shame, and  many  other such  things, firmly  in place  and under  his
     control.  Jesus came that we might have life and that we might have it
     more  abundantly.  Now, isn't it time you experienced the same freedom
     in your own life?