It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved



                                      41

                          I Should Have Been A Man

                       Gender Identification Confusion


                               By Phil Scovell






          She was multiple  personality or what is now  called Dissociative
     Identity  Disorder.   The little  girl's mind  had been  fractured and
     fragmented  into dozens  of  alternate  personalities  from  perpetual
     molestation and rapes  by her father.   Later, as she grew,  her older
     brother took  over where her  father had left off.   She had  not only
     been physically raped  repeatedly, but her mind and  emotions had been
     stripped from her individuality, and  the trauma she suffered deprived
     her of single mindedness.  Now, as an adult, she wondered who she was.
          She eventually decided, if she were a man, she couldn't be  raped
     and no  one could hurt her any more.  She found a sex change therapist
     and began a 2-year counseling process.
          Alternate  personalities  often,  although not  always,  take  on
     different voice forms.  Each  personality fragment has a specific area
     of the person's life  they protect and assists that  person by keeping
     them from facing the pain and trauma they suffered.  Mari had suffered
     beyond anything one  could imagine as a child and young teenager.  Her
     mind fragmented into  alternate personalities to assist her  in coping
     with the pain that was buried deep inside.
          In  one of  our intercessory  prayer sessions,  the issue  of her
     desire for a sex  change surfaced as we prayed and  a personality made
     itself known to explain the details.   It was discovered later, during
     the prayer session, that this was something other than one of  her own
     personalities.
          This  overall idea  of a  gender  sex change  was  the result  of
     emotional reasoning, the  psycho dynamics of  alternate personalities,
     and demonic infiltration  into her thinking processes.   "If I were  a
     man, nobody could rape me," became the  dominate theme of her life.  A
     little  broken girl  grew up to  be a  adult woman but  the thought of
     being a man  never went away.  The rationalization began to take shape
     in her mind and was reinforced by lies  she heard from other voices in
     her thought consciousness which  assisted in forming the  thought into
     reality.  That  is, a lie  became true because it  felt true.   At one
     point, she even said she learned to urinate so it  sounded like a man.
     During the sex change therapy process, Mari met someone who led her to
     a born  again experience with  Christ and she immediately  stopped all
     sex  change therapy.   Her helpers, alternate  personalities, however,
     did not go away  just because she was born again.  Later, she realized
     that every  time the issue  of being  a man,  or displaying  masculine
     character traits  appeared, or when  she felt threatened by  men, male
     personalities surfaced  to protect her.   This is not  uncommon, since
     little girls inside  often believe men can somehow  protect them, even
     when it was men that traumatized them.
          Many Christian, strong  Bible Believers, have a  problem with the
     concept that God does not save the whole person at the moment of their
     salvation experience.   If it  is true  that He did,  you wouldn't  be
     wearing  glasses   right  now.    You  wouldn't  need  blood  pressure
     medications.   You wouldn't need your leg set  if your leg were broken
     because  it would never  be fractured.   You wouldn't get  diabetes or
     cancer,  or shingles,  You wouldn't have  to get your  hair cut, brush
     your  teeth,  trim the  hairs in  your  nose, clip  your  toenails and
     fingernails, you  would have no  need for  warts, moles, and  skin tag
     removal, or even  have the need to wear underarm deodorant.  Last, but
     not  least, we would not have to bury you because you would never die.
     This day, by  the way, the  day of the  resurrection of the  righteous
     dead, is coming.   When it happens, we receive glorified bodies, which
     will be identical to that of the body of the Lord Jesus Christ:   (See
     Romans 6:5 and  1 John 3:2),   if, that  is, you are  born again.   We
     won't pass  away, brain cells  won't die, and  even our minds  will be
     whole and perfect.  In other words, our body, soul, and spirit will be
     perfectly one and utterly saved.  For now, our bodies need to be taken
     care of in  all types of physical  ways, like eating for  example, and
     our minds  need to be renewed:  (See Romans 12:2, 2  Corinthians 4:16,
     Ephesians  4:23, and Philippians  3:9-15).  So, in  short, if you were
     born again  after a car  accident, in which  your leg was  broken, you
     would still need a cast.  If you  were led to Christ just before going
     to the dentist,  you would still  need your root  canal.  If  you were
     killed in a traffic accident but had just gotten saved the day before,
     you would  go to  Heaven instantly  but we'd  have to  bury your  body
     because your body  would be dead.  If you hadn't gotten born again the
     day before, of  course, you'd go to Hell.  Your body, therefore, isn't
     what goes to Heaven.  Not yet anyhow; that comes later.  Your  spirit,
     on the other  hand leave the body  the moment we  die because that  is
     where the Holy Spirit of God dwells.  Absent from the body and present
     with the Lord, (See 2 Corinthians 5:8).
          There are three parts to our earthly existence according to      
     1  Thessalonians    5:23,  "And  the very  God of  peace  sanctify you
     wholly;  and I pray  God your  whole spirit and  soul and body  may be
     preserved blameless to  the coming of our  Lord Jesus Christ."   Jesus
     likewise confirmed this trichotomy of human creation in Matthew 22:37.
     We know  that we have been made a new creation in Christ at the moment
     of  our  salvitic  experience  according  to 2  Corinthians      5:17,
     "Therefore if any man is  in Christ, he is a new  creation: old things
     have passed away; behold, all things have  become new."  This is where
     the theological  disagreement occurs.   James even  makes it  worse by
     saying,  "Wherefore  lay  apart  all  filthiness  and  superfluity  of
     naughtiness, and receive  with meekness the  engrafted word, which  is
     able to save your souls," (James 1:21).
          "Wait just  a minute  here.   I thought  we were  "saved" at  the
     moment of salvation.  What is  this thing that James is talking  about
     concerning being saved again?"
          He isn't talking about being saved.  According to Ephesians 1:13,
     we receive the Holy Spirit of promise, or the earnest down  payment of
     our salvation, at the very moment we make Jesus Christ the Lord of our
     life.  The  Holy Spirit dwells within  our spirit because that  is the
     part of  us that  is made  a new  creation in  Christ, (2  Corinthians
     5:17).  The soul and physical body of a person is not  yet born again,
     or glorified, but  must be disciplined by the engrafted Word.  That is
     the natural  implantation of the Word of God  which is the only thing,
     by the way,  that our newly created  spirit can receive or  agree with
     since it  is God's  eternal Word.   Our  soul, or  mind, and  body, or
     flesh, are not yet converted, made anew, and must be disciplined as we
     implant  God's Word  into our  lives.   The word  "saved" which  James
     employs, is  the Greek word  from which we  get our present  day word,
     (psyche), or what is generally considered to be the real you.
     At  this  point, somebody  insists  that  our  minds must  somehow  be
     connected with  the human  spirit because they  know their  mind isn't
     saved, or born  again, because of  the rotten  things upon which  they
     sometimes allow their  minds to dwell.  This is correct, that is, your
     mind isn't  saved.  That's why it needs  the engrafted Word.  However,
     since we  have the "mind of  Christ," (1 Corinthians  2:16), the human
     mind, to use  a computer term, is  interfaced sort of speak,  with the
     spiritual mind.  This is also why we experience conviction of sin, the
     leading of  the Holy Spirit, and the voice of  God, not to mention the
     voices of the Enemy trying to  invade our thoughts, because we have  a
     unregenerate mind  at this  point.   We  also have  a spiritual  mind,
     (Romans 8:27),  and that  mind harmonizes with  the natural,  or human
     thoughts and emotions.
          People often  ask, therefore,  what does it  mean to  "grieve the
     Holy  Spirit?" Ephesians  4:30).  That's  easy.   It is when  the Holy
     Spirit,  swelling in our  newly created  spirit through  the salvation
     experience, is leading us according to God's Holy Word and our mind is
     trying to  do the opposite,  or, trying to  ignore the truth  of God's
     Word.  Thus, the Holy  Spirit is grieve because our body and  mind are
     violating what is truth to the Holy Spirit.  Now you know why you feel
     so lousy when you aren't walking with the Lord.
          In Mari's case, part  of her mind was trying to  protect her from
     pain.  "Become a man  and you can't be raped," was the  logical lie of
     the Evil One.   Lies come from  only one place, at  least according to
     Jesus, and  that is the father of  all lies; Satan, (John  8:44).  No,
     this  does not  mean the  alternate personalities  of Mari  were evil.
     Later, however, as we prayed, a demonic figure did appear and tried to
     regain a foothold in Mari's thinking.   Jesus made sure this would not
     happen.   How?  Well, if you don't  believe the first part, I know you
     won't  believe what comes  next.  I'll  tell you what  happened in the
     prayer session anyway and you can believe what you wish.
          Mariano  was  the  name  of  the  personality  that  occasionally
     surfaced.  He had a deep voice, talked casually, and literally sounded
     male.  In fact, his voice sounded so much like a man, Mari's own voice
     really wasn't detectable unless you knew her personally.  Even then, I
     found it amazing  the voice was  so masculine in  quality.  Mari,  the
     real person, over the years told  people her name was Mariano so  many
     only new  her by  that name.   It  sounds, of  course, either  male or
     female so it was convenient.
          As the prayer session progressed,  Mariano explained that he  was
     behind the idea of Mari becoming male.  It isn't, by the way, uncommon
     for   demons  to   project  themselves,   in   people  with   multiple
     personalities, as one of the collective group of helpers, or alternate
     personalities.  Mariano  was such a case.   However, when he revealed,
     and admitted, he was behind the  plan for Mari to physically become  a
     man,  the authentic child, or the real  Mari, became frightened.  That
     was a clue he wasn't who he claimed to be.
          I  won't go into  all the details  of the prayer  session and the
     conversation  I had with Mariano,  but needless to  say, once his true
     nature was exposed,  and Jesus revealed the  truth, he was  sent away.
     Mari described  his departure.  She saw him,  with a suitcase in hand,
     walking down a  hall as in an  apartment building hallway.   He walked
     out the door, down some steps, and down the sidewalk to the curb where
     a  bus sat  waiting.   On  the  bus, a  sign read,  "Going  no where."
     Mariano climbed on the bus.
          A tiny Mariano  remained on the sidewalk and tried  to regain the
     place it had lost in Mari.  She even commented on a physical sensation
     of something pressing on  her back as if he were jumping and trying to
     regain his position.  We prayed more and he disappeared.
          Do such things like this really  happen and does it work?   Sure!
     How do  I know?   Well, Mari  has a  crush on  a guy  as I write  this
     testimony.  So you tell me.  Does it work when a  woman, who wanted to
     be a  guy, now has a crush  on a guy?  Unless,  of course, you explain
     this situation by  claiming she is gay.  In which  case, you'd be dead
     wrong.  Besides, gay girls aren't interested in love relationship with
     gay guys.  Remember?  Its guy guy and girl girl.  When it is the other
     way around, it is called  heterosexuality.  Homosexuality means of the
     same kind.
          I  realize that  most of  you reading  this testimony  don't have
     multiple personalities so  what difference does it make to  you?  good
     question.  Much  of how we  act as Christians  are based upon  lies we
     believe about ourselves.  Depression,  although it can most  certainly
     be a chemical  imbalance in the  brain, also is  a person who has  lie
     based thinking.   Many people, with  whom I pray,  are on medications.
     They often find, as the  lie based thinking is dealt with  by the True
     Lord Jesus  Christ, that  their doctor suggests  a reduction  in their
     medications because  of their  mental and  emotional improvement  they
     have seen in their patient.
          Now, what  about you?   Unable  to get  rid of  that guilt?   Why
     doesn't that shameful  feeling ever completely go away.   Why does the
     old  childhood sin  keep returning  and tormenting  you when  you have
     confessed  it to God and asked  for His forgiveness hundreds of times?
     Could  it be a lie hiding someplace  in your life that you aren't able
     to see?   Why not allow Jesus  to expose the lie for  what it is worth
     for you since He knows exactly where  it is?  Freedom is only a prayer
     away when you hear the truth of the Chief Shepherd's voice.