© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
38 The Scars Of Sexual Abuse By Phil Scovell We have prayed together over a hundred times. This prayer session, therefore should have been no different. No different, in fact, than hundreds of other intercessory prayer sessions I had conducted. I couldn't have been more wrong. The prayer session began just like all the others we had shared before except this time, she felt the need to go to a place related to fear. This is, of course, common. We all have fear and fear masks the lie that is causing the pain and the pain hides a lie. In this case the fear was related to bugs. That's right; insects. I have learned from experience, as well as healing in my own life, often the Enemy uses such things to continually trigger, or otherwise activate, the root cause of one's fear, which is always a lie based emotional implantation of deceit. Thus, all the Enemy needs to do is to take advantage of a situation, or events, as a triggering device, such as a bug landing on your arm, to resonate at the fear level that could literally be decades old. Such was this case. She had become, over the years, extremely fearful of bugs of all types. One didn't even need to land on her to create the anxiety; just the thought alone stimulated the ingrown fear. This, in turn, can then easily allow the Enemy, through demonic intrusion, and influence, to tap into other lies and create even greater levels of fear or a higher degree of fright and even terror. Psychologically, continually torment can, and will, create stages and degrees of anxiety, panic, delusion, hallucination, dissociation, phobias, stages of paralysis, suicidal tendencies, and episodes of psychotic behavior, and about every other psychodynamic modality one can imagine. I even knew one man whose panic and fear became so great at times, he literally would sometimes faint from the fright he experienced. Let me first introduce you to this woman. At the time of this experience, she was 53 years of age. She was born blind and was an orphan. Once adopted as an infant, she was, until she was a teenager, brutally sexually molested by her father, and later by her adopted brother, and in every conceivable way. Despite her high IQ and educational achievements, including being multi-lingual, she had become, during her adulthood, an alcoholic, drug addict, self mutilator, suicidal, physically violent at times, sexually immoral, and had seizures since she was 4 years of age. She was on pharmaceutical drugs for every letter of the alphabet psychologically speaking, had been in the psych hospital ( mental health facility) eight different times, she was multiple personality from childhood, and she had undergone 36 years of psychological therapy. Additionally, she had undergone two and a half years of sex therapy in order to prepare for a sex change operation. Yes, fear can drive a person to anything. When she became a Born Again Christian, the transsexual therapy and surgical procedure was canceled. In short, her life would be labeled a wreck by society, generally considered crazy by most Christians, and mentally ill by therapists. Fortunately for her, Jesus has no such nomenclatures, thank God, he uses in which to identify those whom He loves. You might also find it interesting to note that after these 36 years of psychological therapy and tons of psychotropic medications, her multiple personalities had remained. What used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, MPD, is now identified by psychologist and psychiatrists as DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder. Don't ask me why because the answer isn't worth knowing. Fortunately, Jesus knows exactly how to achieve, without outside professional help, oneness of mind for such people. That's what I call it, oneness of mind, but it is also referred to as singleness of mind and by the psychological world, integration of the mind. What it literally means, in short, is that the alternate personalities, which are fragmentations of the conscious mind, to once again permanently return to one's mind so there is now only the single consciousness which God intended us to have. The alternate personalities, for general information, serve as "helpers" and assist the person by protecting them from those who have done, or are doing, them harm, and they assist in keeping the person from those things which are causing them the most fear and pain. It is a mental ability to create alternate personalities in order to defer the pain and fear, and anything the person cannot handle, to other created and developed personalities who can help them cope. No, it isn't uncommon for those with multiple personalities to even know they are DID. In fact, few do know unless they have been diagnosed by a mental health professional. This, by itself, is even suspect because alternate personalities are not always alternate personalities. I'll explain more in a moment. No, they are not always demons either, for those of you who are thinking in Biblical terms, but as previously stated, fragmented parts of one's own personality. Yes, demons can masquerade as alternate personalities and often do. This is why a nonchristian therapist is going to have a great deal of difficulty treating someone with multiple personalities regardless of how many drugs he prescribes. Unless, of course, he is also a Born Again Christian and has a working knowledge of demonology and how to tell the difference between an alternate personality and a demonic personality. No, drugs won't make them integrate either. I have written on this in other articles and testimonies so I won't continue in any further detail here. Needless to say, although I will say it anyway, this woman experienced singleness of mind. No, the alternate personalities do not return under any circumstances if the integration is achieved by the True Lord Jesus Christ. This Christian lady, by the way, was the second DID integration I have had the privilege of witnessing. One more thing. I have nothing to do with the integration process other than being their as a witness. Jesus is the Healer; I'm just one of his servants who get to see Him work in miraculous ways. Something else noteworthy concerning this lady is what I call her "God Awareness" or what I used to call "spiritual sensitivity." The cotton picking psychics have adopted so many Christian and Biblical terms these days, you have to almost clarify everything you say even as a Born Again Christian just to make certain nobody thinks you are New Age or a paranormal highbred, close encounter of the third kind, or of some dad blamed metaphysical origin. What I mean is, this lady can hear the Lord, the Holy Spirit, easily, quickly, and specifically. Where? Well, it is actually in our spirit, our human spirit, which has been born again by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at the moment of salvation. It is interpreted, normally, within our thought patterns. Wouldn't you know it? That's the same place, our mind, which the Enemy, demons, also attempt to deceive us. I'm referring to the mind in such cases. How do you know the difference? It largely depends upon how well you know Jesus as your Chief Shepherd. You see, according to John 10:4, Jesus said His sheep know his voice and follow Him and a stranger they will not follow because they don't recognize his voice. Sorry to digress but it seemed important. Anyhow, this woman is easy to pray with, unlike people like me, who can be prayed with for long periods of time and it is like pulling teeth to get them to the place they can hear the voice of the Lord. No, I'm not talking about literally, or audibly, I'm talking about inside our thoughts and emotions. Fortunately, it becomes easier the more we are healed, renewed in the mind as referred to by the Apostle Paul, and the better we learn the difference between the voice of the Shepherd and the Enemy. So, as I started to say, this Intercessory Prayer Session, or IPS for short, If this keeps up, I'll have to write a computer macro to save typing time, everything was preceding as normal. She immediately, as we began to pray together, went to a memory of her childhood where she was playing in her sandbox alone when she put her hand down on a Pacific Northwest banana slug. It was moving and since she had never felt one before, remember, she was born blind, she freaked and began screaming. Banana slugs grow to be, in the Northwest of the United States, to about 6 to 9 inches and are generally yellow in color. Thus, they somewhat resemble a banana and hence their nick name. If they feel threatened, they hump themselves up, squeeze themselves to a shorter length, and thus appear to grow in diameter. This lady noticed that movement and she felt a revulsion simply relating to its shape and size without knowing why. Her father eventually came running over and told her it couldn't harm her; it was just a long worm. With this information, she began playing with it. The Enemy, however, used this normal reaction of sudden fear, to implant a lie, that is, to deceive a little 6 year old unsuspecting girl. The fear of bugs would later become reality as an adult woman. However, this testimony of healing, which I am writing by request, on the surface, had really very little to do with bugs and worms, although that's where we started. As we prayed, I felt the Lord indicating to me something He wanted to address in this woman's life. The problem was, I did not want to address this topic. Why? Well, it was simply awkward, for a reason you will understand shortly, and I figured it was just my flesh talking. Besides, I do my best not to inject any idea into the IPS, the Intercessory Prayer Session, that would divert, or otherwise, misdirect, or misguide the person. The last thing I want to do is to make any suggestive ideas that will sidetrack the person, with whom I'm praying, to focus on something the Lord isn't doing. I hope you are ready for what I am about to say next. If not, stop reading now. As she was describing how fat the banana worm was, she also mention her hatred and disdain for long things that were fat and moved like a snake or a worm and especially if they got fat. For example, she confessed that she hated the feel of a hot dog. This, in and of itself, was not unusual. I had prayed through a lot more graphic descriptions of acts of sexual abuse, with not only this woman, but many other sexually molested and raped little girls who are now adult women. This, on the other hand, was strikingly different. To my utter amazement, the picture of a male erect penis had already appeared in my thoughts. I groaned inwardly. "God, come on," I said to myself. "This isn't the time for my flesh, or lustful thoughts, to manifest," but the image of the erect penis wouldn't go away. I soon noticed I was not sexually stimulated by anything that was occurring in the IPS. We continued praying. Moments later, my heart started beating harder and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I had decided it was indeed my flesh and I was not going to even attempt bringing this up during the prayer session. Not unless, of course, the Holy Spirit confirmed it in some other way. This, by the way, is my SOP, standard operating procedure in any prayer session. As the moments passed, I looked for an opening, although I had not yet been convinced I would suggest the topic at all. The image, and the information flowing to me from the Lord was overwhelming and spiritually insistent. Plus she had literally, without any prompting on my behalf, suddenly mentioned the male penis as been totally disdainful and revolting to her and hot dogs remained an image of shape and size that she hates to this day. What the Lord was saying to me had now been confirmed and I was not being misled by my flesh during the prayer session as I previously thought. Finally, it seemed as if the IPS was over because as she so often does, she arrived at a point of peace. In her case, at least half the time, if not more, butterflies of every color and size come and land on her. Their wings caress her and she can hear them singing at pitch beyond the range of the human ear. Sometimes Jesus, believe it or not, is also in the picture, speaking words of comfort and playing with the butterflies all around him. I could describe many other such events indicating healing has been reached in the IPS but you are probably having trouble believing even what I have described so far. If you wish to know more, just read other testimonies on my website. When things began to run down, sort of speak, and I knew it was about to come to an end, I had an overwhelming urge to reveal the topic that I in no way wished to discuss or pray about. I knew it had to be done and if I did not do it this time, the Lord would, in fact, bring it up again. He made it clear there were now issues, after all her healing to date, which He wanted to reach specifically. I wasn't a willing participant at that moment but I would be obedient but I sure didn't like the idea. I began, nervously, but told her we needed to pray about another issue that I strongly felt was directly related to what we had been praying about. My confirmation was that she mentioned it as she detailed and described the things she hated that reminded her of the fat banana slug or other such creatures. She used the word "fat" multiple times in her descriptions and not once but several times. It was, therefore, an indicator. Later, she would confess that she made no association consciously from the other objects to that of a erect penis, although she had mentioned it during the prayer session. I explained that I had waited until it seemed the right time. I told her that I strongly felt the Lord was indicating to me we needed to pray about something but that I had never exactly done such a thing and it was somewhat awkward to me personally. She wanted to know what it was. Taking a deep breath, I began to pray and ask the Lord to show her the truth about a male erect penis. Instantly the renewing of the mind began to play out as she talked. She had been raped and sexually abused and even been, as a small little girl, penetrated anally and all multiple times over more than 12 years. The fear and the anguish and the literal physical pain played out again in her mind as she willingly approached what the Lord was bringing before her. I won't detail all the Lord revealed, but needless to say, tactile sensations were quietly described and reassuring thoughts from the Holy Spirit spoke to her thought patterns and soon the healing process for the IPS was complete as far as this one concept of sexuality in her life was concerned. She expressed her sincere gratitude that I was obedient enough to approach the subject upon which she so desperately needed to focus during prayer. Furthermore, she informed me, although I figured this would be the case, that many other such areas would be needed to be healed before she was free of the fear associated with sexual issues. I understood and told her so but something else happened. I suddenly, and without warning, heard myself saying, "I am telling you this, so when you are married, these old painful memories cannot hurt you, and so you can be happy." What shocked me was, I had not thought of saying those words at all. In fact, they hadn't reach my mind until they came out of my mouth. I knew, therefore, it was the Holy Spirit speaking from my recreated spirit directly to her and my thought patterns were being bypassed and only allowed to register what was said. At that very moment, I could not have stopped my lips from moving if I had tried. Yet, it still wasn't over. As a little more conversation continued following the IPS, I said other things I cannot remember specifically. Suddenly, and once again without warning, I felt as if my scull had no brain; no brain at all. I could feel the emptiness but suddenly, my head filled with yellowish white light and I saw Him. It was Jesus. I know Him by sight when He appears in my thoughts and I know him by his golden illumination. Don't ask me why it is this way because I simply do not know the answer. His nose fit right into my knows. His mouth pressed against the back of my lips and fit perfectly. His eyes pressed into the back of my eyes. His entire head pressed against the inside emptiness of my scull and I could feel Jesus inside of me. It was a perfect fit. I had never had this experience before in any way but the feeling was so real, it was impossible to deny or ignore. I felt my lips moving but don't recall what I said. It was, of course, somehow related to the topic upon which we had just prayed. Soon it concluded. I am not writing this because I wished to do so but because I was asked to do so by this lady with whom I prayed. I could not figure out any way of broaching this topic personally, so I had decided, this most certainly was one testimony of healing and the renewing of the mind that I would not write about. How could I? then she called. She told me that she strongly felt the Holy Spirit telling her that this story needed to be told because of all the other little girls and boys who have suffered in the same manner. I agreed to pray about it but I still had doubts about my ability to write about it graciously and without offense. I began thinking/praying about it and with a very short few hours, I was writing. It is my sincere hope and trust, this has helped someone to know that you are not alone. Let me say it again, in case you missed it; you are not alone. Others are suffering just as you are and there is help. Jesus is concerned. If you are married with sexual problems you have been unable to get around, Jesus can fix it. He is more interested in your sexually intimacy and pleasure and happiness than you are and He will not leave you nor forsake you even in this. If you are single, Jesus still is concerned about these issues in your life and He wants to fix them all. If you think you are homosexual, even as I once did, Jesus knows exactly how to fix and to make new your life and especially sexually. If you need assistance, please call.