It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved


                         The Scars Of Sexual Abuse

                               By Phil Scovell

          We  have prayed  together  over  a hundred  times.   This  prayer
     session, therefore  should have been  no different.  No  different, in
     fact,  than  hundreds  of  other intercessory  prayer  sessions  I had
     conducted.  I couldn't have been more wrong.
          The prayer session  began just like all the others  we had shared
     before except this time, she felt the need to go to a place related to
     fear.  This is,  of course, common.   We all have fear and  fear masks
     the lie that  is causing the pain and  the pain hides a lie.   In this
     case the  fear was related  to bugs.   That's right; insects.   I have
     learned from experience,  as well as healing in my own life, often the
     Enemy uses such things to continually trigger,  or otherwise activate,
     the root cause  of one's fear, which  is always a lie  based emotional
     implantation of deceit.   Thus, all the Enemy  needs to do is to  take
     advantage of a situation, or events, as a triggering device, such as a
     bug landing on  your arm,  to resonate  at the fear  level that  could
     literally be decades old.   Such was this case.   She had become, over
     the years, extremely  fearful of bugs of  all types.  One  didn't even
     need to land  on her  to create  the anxiety; just  the thought  alone
     stimulated the ingrown fear.  This, in turn, can then easily allow the
     Enemy,  through demonic intrusion,  and influence,  to tap  into other
     lies and create  even greater  levels of  fear or a  higher degree  of
     fright and even terror.  Psychologically, continually torment can, and
     will,  create  stages   and  degrees  of  anxiety,   panic,  delusion,
     hallucination, dissociation,  phobias, stages  of paralysis,  suicidal
     tendencies, and episodes of psychotic behavior, and about  every other
     psychodynamic modality  one can  imagine.  I  even knew one  man whose
     panic and fear became so great  at times, he literally would sometimes
     faint from the fright he experienced.
          Let me  first introduce you to this  woman.  At the  time of this
     experience, she was  53 years of age.   She was born blind  and was an
     orphan.  Once adopted as an infant, she was, until she was a teenager,
     brutally sexually  molested by  her father, and  later by  her adopted
     brother, and  in  every conceivable  way.   Despite  her high  IQ  and
     educational  achievements,  including  being  multi-lingual,  she  had
     become,   during  her  adulthood,  an  alcoholic,  drug  addict,  self
     mutilator,  suicidal, physically violent  at times,  sexually immoral,
     and  had  seizures  since  she  was  4  years  of  age.    She was  on
     pharmaceutical  drugs for every letter of the alphabet psychologically
     speaking, had  been in  the psych hospital  ( mental  health facility)
     eight  different times, she  was multiple personality  from childhood,
     and   she   had   undergone  36   years   of   psychological  therapy.
     Additionally, she had undergone two and a half years of sex therapy in
     order to prepare  for a sex change  operation.  Yes, fear  can drive a
     person to  anything.   When  she became  a Born  Again Christian,  the
     transsexual therapy  and surgical procedure  was canceled.   In short,
     her life  would be  labeled a wreck  by society,  generally considered
     crazy by most Christians, and mentally ill by therapists.  Fortunately
     for her, Jesus  has no such nomenclatures, thank God, he uses in which
     to identify those whom He loves.
          You might  also find it interesting  to note that  after these 36
     years of psychological  therapy and tons of  psychotropic medications,
     her  multiple personalities  had remained.    What used  to be  called
     Multiple  Personality Disorder, MPD, is now identified by psychologist
     and psychiatrists as DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder.  Don't ask
     me why  because the  answer isn't worth  knowing.   Fortunately, Jesus
     knows  exactly  how  to achieve,  without  outside  professional help,
     oneness of mind  for such people.   That's what I call it,  oneness of
     mind, but it  is also  referred to as  singleness of mind  and by  the
     psychological  world, integration  of  the mind.    What it  literally
     means,  in  short, is  that  the  alternate  personalities, which  are
     fragmentations of the conscious mind, to once again permanently return
     to one's mind  so there is now only the single consciousness which God
     intended  us  to  have.    The  alternate personalities,  for  general
     information, serve as  "helpers" and assist  the person by  protecting
     them from  those who  have done,  or are  doing, them  harm, and  they
     assist  in keeping the person from those things which are causing them
     the  most fear and pain.   It is a mental  ability to create alternate
     personalities in  order to defer the  pain and fear, and  anything the
     person cannot handle, to other created and developed personalities who
     can help them  cope.  No,  it isn't uncommon  for those with  multiple
     personalities to even know they are DID.   In fact, few do know unless
     they have  been diagnosed by a  mental health professional.   This, by
     itself, is even suspect because alternate personalities are not always
     alternate personalities.  I'll explain more in a moment.  No, they are
     not always  demons  either, for  those  of  you who  are  thinking  in
     Biblical terms, but  as previously stated,  fragmented parts of  one's
     own  personality.     Yes,  demons   can  masquerade     as  alternate
     personalities and often do.  This  is why a nonchristian therapist  is
     going  to  have a  great  deal  of  difficulty treating  someone  with
     multiple personalities  regardless of  how many  drugs he  prescribes.
     Unless, of course, he is also a Born Again Christian and has a working
     knowledge  of demonology  and how  to tell  the difference  between an
     alternate personality and a demonic personality.  No, drugs won't make
     them integrate  either.  I have written on  this in other articles and
     testimonies so I won't continue in  any further detail here.  Needless
     to  say,  although  I  will  say it  anyway,  this  woman  experienced
     singleness of  mind.   No, the alternate  personalities do  not return
     under any  circumstances if  the integration is  achieved by  the True
     Lord Jesus Christ.   This Christian lady,  by the way, was  the second
     DID integration I have had the privilege of witnessing.
          One  more thing.    I have  nothing  to do  with the  integration
     process other than being their as a witness.  Jesus is the Healer; I'm
     just one of his servants who get to see Him work in miraculous ways.
          Something else noteworthy concerning this lady is what I call her
     "God Awareness"  or what I used to  call "spiritual sensitivity."  The
     cotton picking  psychics have adopted  so many Christian  and Biblical
     terms these days, you have to  almost clarify everything you say  even
     as a Born Again  Christian just to make certain nobody  thinks you are
     New Age or a  paranormal highbred, close encounter of the  third kind,
     or of some dad blamed metaphysical origin.  What I  mean is, this lady
     can hear the Lord, the Holy Spirit, easily, quickly, and specifically.
     Where?  Well,  it is actually in  our spirit, our human  spirit, which
     has been born again by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at the moment
     of  salvation.   It  is  interpreted,  normally,  within  our  thought
     patterns.   Wouldn't you know  it?  That's  the same place,  our mind,
     which the Enemy, demons, also attempt to deceive us.  I'm referring to
     the mind in such  cases.  How do you know the  difference?  It largely
     depends upon how well you know Jesus as your Chief Shepherd.  You see,
     according to John 10:4, Jesus said His sheep know his voice and follow
     Him and a stranger  they will not follow because they  don't recognize
     his voice.   Sorry to digress but  it seemed important.   Anyhow, this
     woman is  easy to pray with, unlike people  like me, who can be prayed
     with for long periods of time and it is like pulling teeth to get them
     to the place they can hear the voice of the Lord.  No, I'm not talking
     about literally, or audibly, I'm talking about inside our thoughts and
     emotions.   Fortunately,  it becomes  easier the  more we  are healed,
     renewed in the mind as referred to by the Apostle Paul, and the better
     we  learn the  difference between  the voice of  the Shepherd  and the
          So, as I started to say, this Intercessory Prayer Session, or IPS
     for short, If  this keeps up, I'll  have to write a computer  macro to
     save  typing   time,  everything  was   preceding  as  normal.     She
     immediately,  as we began  to pray together,  went to a  memory of her
     childhood where  she was playing in her sandbox alone when she put her
     hand down on a Pacific Northwest banana slug.  It was moving and since
     she had  never  felt one  before, remember,  she was  born blind,  she
     freaked  and began  screaming.    Banana  slugs grow  to  be,  in  the
     Northwest  of the  United  States, to  about  6 to  9  inches and  are
     generally yellow in  color.  Thus, they somewhat resemble a banana and
     hence their nick name.  If  they feel threatened, they hump themselves
     up, squeeze themselves to a shorter length, and thus appear to grow in
     diameter.   This lady noticed  that movement and she  felt a revulsion
     simply relating to its shape and size without knowing why.  Her father
     eventually came running over and told her it couldn't harm her; it was
     just a  long worm.  With this information,  she began playing with it.
     The  Enemy, however,  used this  normal  reaction of  sudden fear,  to
     implant a lie,  that is, to deceive  a little 6 year  old unsuspecting
     girl.  The fear of bugs would later become reality  as an adult woman.
     However,  this testimony of healing, which I am writing by request, on
     the  surface,  had really  very  little  to do  with  bugs and  worms,
     although that's where we started.
          As  we prayed,  I  felt the  Lord indicating  to me  something He
     wanted to address in  this woman's life.   The problem was, I did  not
     want to  address this topic.  Why?  Well, it was simply awkward, for a
     reason you will understand shortly, and I figured it was just my flesh
     talking.  Besides, I do my best  not to inject any idea into the  IPS,
     the  Intercessory Prayer  Session, that  would  divert, or  otherwise,
     misdirect, or misguide the  person.  The last thing I want to do is to
     make any  suggestive ideas that  will sidetrack the person,  with whom
     I'm praying, to  focus on something the Lord isn't doing.   I hope you
     are ready for what I am about to say next.  If not, stop reading now.
          As  she was  describing how  fat  the banana  worm was,  she also
     mention her hatred and disdain for long things that were fat and moved
     like  a snake or a worm and especially  if they got fat.  For example,
     she  confessed that she hated the feel of  a hot dog.  This, in and of
     itself,  was not  unusual.  I  had prayed  through a lot  more graphic
     descriptions of acts  of sexual abuse,  with not only this  woman, but
     many  other sexually molested and raped little girls who are now adult
     women.   This,  on the other  hand, was  strikingly different.   To my
     utter  amazement,  the picture  of  a  male  erect penis  had  already
     appeared in my thoughts.  I groaned inwardly.   "God, come on," I said
     to myself.  "This isn't the time for my flesh, or lustful thoughts, to
     manifest," but the image of  the erect penis wouldn't go away.  I soon
     noticed I was  not sexually stimulated by anything  that was occurring
     in the IPS.  We continued praying.
          Moments  later,  my  heart  started  beating  harder  and  I felt
     extremely uncomfortable.  I had decided  it was indeed my flesh and  I
     was not  going to  even attempt  bringing  this up  during the  prayer
     session.  Not unless, of course, the  Holy Spirit confirmed it in some
     other way.   This, by the way, is my SOP, standard operating procedure
     in any prayer session.
          As the moments passed,  I looked for  an opening, although I  had
     not yet been  convinced I would suggest the topic at  all.  The image,
     and  the information flowing to me from  the Lord was overwhelming and
     spiritually insistent.   Plus she had literally, without any prompting
     on  my behalf,  suddenly  mentioned  the male  penis  as been  totally
     disdainful  and revolting  to her and  hot dogs  remained an  image of
     shape and size that she hates to  this day.  What the Lord was  saying
     to me had now been  confirmed and I was not  being misled by my  flesh
     during the prayer session as I previously thought.
          Finally, it seemed as if the IPS was over because as she so often
     does, she arrived at a point of peace.  In her case, at least half the
     time, if not more, butterflies of  every color and size come and  land
     on her.  Their wings caress her and she can hear them singing at pitch
     beyond the range  of the human  ear.  Sometimes  Jesus, believe it  or
     not,  is also in  the picture, speaking  words of  comfort and playing
     with the butterflies all around him.  I could describe many other such
     events  indicating healing  has been  reached in the  IPS but  you are
     probably having trouble  believing even what I have  described so far.
     If you wish to know more, just read other testimonies on my website.
          When things began to run down,  sort of speak, and I knew  it was
     about  to come to  an end, I  had an  overwhelming urge to  reveal the
     topic that I in no way wished to discuss or pray about.  I knew it had
     to be done and if I did not do it this time, the  Lord would, in fact,
     bring it up again.  He made it clear there  were now issues, after all
     her healing to date, which He wanted  to reach specifically.  I wasn't
     a willing  participant at that  moment but I  would be obedient  but I
     sure didn't like the idea.
          I began, nervously, but told her we  needed to pray about another
     issue that I  strongly felt was directly  related to what we  had been
     praying  about.   My confirmation  was  that she  mentioned it  as she
     detailed and described the things  she hated that reminded her  of the
     fat banana  slug or  other such creatures.   She  used the  word "fat"
     multiple times in her descriptions and not once but several times.  It
     was, therefore, an indicator.  Later, she would  confess that she made
     no association  consciously from the other objects  to that of a erect
     penis, although she had mentioned it during the prayer session.
          I explained that  I had waited until it seemed the right time.  I
     told her that I strongly felt the Lord  was indicating to me we needed
     to pray about something but that I had never exactly done such a thing
     and it was somewhat awkward to me personally.  She wanted to know what
     it was.   Taking a deep  breath, I began to  pray and ask the  Lord to
     show her the truth about a  male erect penis.  Instantly the  renewing
     of the mind began  to play out as she talked.  She  had been raped and
     sexually  abused and  even been,  as a  small little  girl, penetrated
     anally  and all multiple times over more  than 12 years.  The fear and
     the anguish and the literal physical pain played out again in her mind
     as she willingly approached what the Lord  was bringing before her.  I
     won't  detail all  the Lord  revealed,  but needless  to say,  tactile
     sensations were  quietly described  and reassuring  thoughts from  the
     Holy Spirit spoke to her thought patterns and soon the healing process
     for the IPS was  complete as far as  this one concept of  sexuality in
     her life  was concerned.  She  expressed her sincere  gratitude that I
     was  obedient  enough  to  approach  the subject  upon  which  she  so
     desperately needed  to focus during prayer.  Furthermore, she informed
     me, although I  figured this would be  the case, that many  other such
     areas would  be needed to  be healed before she  was free of  the fear
     associated with  sexual issues.   I  understood  and told  her so  but
     something else happened.
          I  suddenly, and  without  warning, heard  myself  saying, "I  am
     telling you this, so when you are married, these  old painful memories
     cannot hurt you, and so you can be happy."  What shocked me was, I had
     not thought of  saying those words at all.  In fact, they hadn't reach
     my  mind until they came out  of my mouth.   I knew, therefore, it was
     the Holy Spirit speaking from my  recreated spirit directly to her and
     my thought patterns  were being bypassed and only  allowed to register
     what was said.  At that very moment,  I could not have stopped my lips
     from moving if I had tried.  Yet, it still wasn't over.
          As a little more conversation continued following the IPS, I said
     other things I cannot remember specifically.  Suddenly, and once again
     without warning, I felt as if my scull had no brain; no brain at  all.
     I could feel the emptiness but suddenly, my head filled with yellowish
     white light and I saw Him.  It was Jesus.  I know Him by sight when He
     appears in  my thoughts  and I  know him  by his  golden illumination.
     Don't ask  me why it  is this  way because  I simply do  not know  the
     answer.  His nose fit right into my knows.  His  mouth pressed against
     the back of my lips and fit perfectly.  His eyes pressed into the back
     of my  eyes.  His entire head pressed  against the inside emptiness of
     my  scull and I could feel Jesus inside  of me.  It was a perfect fit.
     I had never had this  experience before in any way but the feeling was
     so real, it was  impossible to deny or ignore.  I  felt my lips moving
     but don't recall what I  said.  It was, of course, somehow  related to
     the topic upon which we had just prayed.  Soon it concluded.
          I am not writing this because I wished to do so but because I was
     asked to  do so by this lady  with whom I prayed.   I could not figure
     out any way of broaching this topic personally, so I had decided, this
     most  certainly was one testimony  of healing and  the renewing of the
     mind that  I would not  write about.  How  could I?   then she called.
     She told me  that she strongly felt  the Holy Spirit telling  her that
     this story needed to be told because of all the other little girls and
     boys who have suffered in the same manner.   I agreed to pray about it
     but I  still had doubts about my ability  to write about it graciously
     and  without offense.   I began  thinking/praying about it  and with a
     very short few hours, I was writing.
          It is my sincere hope and trust,  this has helped someone to know
     that you are not alone.   Let me say it again, in case  you missed it;
     you are not alone.  Others are suffering  just as you are and there is
     help.  Jesus  is concerned.  If  you are married with  sexual problems
     you have  been unable to  get around, Jesus  can fix it.   He is  more
     interested in your  sexually intimacy and pleasure and  happiness than
     you are  and He will not leave  you nor forsake you even  in this.  If
     you are single, Jesus  still is concerned  about these issues in  your
     life  and He wants to fix them all.   If you think you are homosexual,
     even as I  once did, Jesus knows  exactly how to  fix and to make  new
     your life  and especially  sexually.  If  you need  assistance, please