© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
38
The Scars Of Sexual Abuse
By Phil Scovell
We have prayed together over a hundred times. This prayer
session, therefore should have been no different. No different, in
fact, than hundreds of other intercessory prayer sessions I had
conducted. I couldn't have been more wrong.
The prayer session began just like all the others we had shared
before except this time, she felt the need to go to a place related to
fear. This is, of course, common. We all have fear and fear masks
the lie that is causing the pain and the pain hides a lie. In this
case the fear was related to bugs. That's right; insects. I have
learned from experience, as well as healing in my own life, often the
Enemy uses such things to continually trigger, or otherwise activate,
the root cause of one's fear, which is always a lie based emotional
implantation of deceit. Thus, all the Enemy needs to do is to take
advantage of a situation, or events, as a triggering device, such as a
bug landing on your arm, to resonate at the fear level that could
literally be decades old. Such was this case. She had become, over
the years, extremely fearful of bugs of all types. One didn't even
need to land on her to create the anxiety; just the thought alone
stimulated the ingrown fear. This, in turn, can then easily allow the
Enemy, through demonic intrusion, and influence, to tap into other
lies and create even greater levels of fear or a higher degree of
fright and even terror. Psychologically, continually torment can, and
will, create stages and degrees of anxiety, panic, delusion,
hallucination, dissociation, phobias, stages of paralysis, suicidal
tendencies, and episodes of psychotic behavior, and about every other
psychodynamic modality one can imagine. I even knew one man whose
panic and fear became so great at times, he literally would sometimes
faint from the fright he experienced.
Let me first introduce you to this woman. At the time of this
experience, she was 53 years of age. She was born blind and was an
orphan. Once adopted as an infant, she was, until she was a teenager,
brutally sexually molested by her father, and later by her adopted
brother, and in every conceivable way. Despite her high IQ and
educational achievements, including being multi-lingual, she had
become, during her adulthood, an alcoholic, drug addict, self
mutilator, suicidal, physically violent at times, sexually immoral,
and had seizures since she was 4 years of age. She was on
pharmaceutical drugs for every letter of the alphabet psychologically
speaking, had been in the psych hospital ( mental health facility)
eight different times, she was multiple personality from childhood,
and she had undergone 36 years of psychological therapy.
Additionally, she had undergone two and a half years of sex therapy in
order to prepare for a sex change operation. Yes, fear can drive a
person to anything. When she became a Born Again Christian, the
transsexual therapy and surgical procedure was canceled. In short,
her life would be labeled a wreck by society, generally considered
crazy by most Christians, and mentally ill by therapists. Fortunately
for her, Jesus has no such nomenclatures, thank God, he uses in which
to identify those whom He loves.
You might also find it interesting to note that after these 36
years of psychological therapy and tons of psychotropic medications,
her multiple personalities had remained. What used to be called
Multiple Personality Disorder, MPD, is now identified by psychologist
and psychiatrists as DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder. Don't ask
me why because the answer isn't worth knowing. Fortunately, Jesus
knows exactly how to achieve, without outside professional help,
oneness of mind for such people. That's what I call it, oneness of
mind, but it is also referred to as singleness of mind and by the
psychological world, integration of the mind. What it literally
means, in short, is that the alternate personalities, which are
fragmentations of the conscious mind, to once again permanently return
to one's mind so there is now only the single consciousness which God
intended us to have. The alternate personalities, for general
information, serve as "helpers" and assist the person by protecting
them from those who have done, or are doing, them harm, and they
assist in keeping the person from those things which are causing them
the most fear and pain. It is a mental ability to create alternate
personalities in order to defer the pain and fear, and anything the
person cannot handle, to other created and developed personalities who
can help them cope. No, it isn't uncommon for those with multiple
personalities to even know they are DID. In fact, few do know unless
they have been diagnosed by a mental health professional. This, by
itself, is even suspect because alternate personalities are not always
alternate personalities. I'll explain more in a moment. No, they are
not always demons either, for those of you who are thinking in
Biblical terms, but as previously stated, fragmented parts of one's
own personality. Yes, demons can masquerade as alternate
personalities and often do. This is why a nonchristian therapist is
going to have a great deal of difficulty treating someone with
multiple personalities regardless of how many drugs he prescribes.
Unless, of course, he is also a Born Again Christian and has a working
knowledge of demonology and how to tell the difference between an
alternate personality and a demonic personality. No, drugs won't make
them integrate either. I have written on this in other articles and
testimonies so I won't continue in any further detail here. Needless
to say, although I will say it anyway, this woman experienced
singleness of mind. No, the alternate personalities do not return
under any circumstances if the integration is achieved by the True
Lord Jesus Christ. This Christian lady, by the way, was the second
DID integration I have had the privilege of witnessing.
One more thing. I have nothing to do with the integration
process other than being their as a witness. Jesus is the Healer; I'm
just one of his servants who get to see Him work in miraculous ways.
Something else noteworthy concerning this lady is what I call her
"God Awareness" or what I used to call "spiritual sensitivity." The
cotton picking psychics have adopted so many Christian and Biblical
terms these days, you have to almost clarify everything you say even
as a Born Again Christian just to make certain nobody thinks you are
New Age or a paranormal highbred, close encounter of the third kind,
or of some dad blamed metaphysical origin. What I mean is, this lady
can hear the Lord, the Holy Spirit, easily, quickly, and specifically.
Where? Well, it is actually in our spirit, our human spirit, which
has been born again by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at the moment
of salvation. It is interpreted, normally, within our thought
patterns. Wouldn't you know it? That's the same place, our mind,
which the Enemy, demons, also attempt to deceive us. I'm referring to
the mind in such cases. How do you know the difference? It largely
depends upon how well you know Jesus as your Chief Shepherd. You see,
according to John 10:4, Jesus said His sheep know his voice and follow
Him and a stranger they will not follow because they don't recognize
his voice. Sorry to digress but it seemed important. Anyhow, this
woman is easy to pray with, unlike people like me, who can be prayed
with for long periods of time and it is like pulling teeth to get them
to the place they can hear the voice of the Lord. No, I'm not talking
about literally, or audibly, I'm talking about inside our thoughts and
emotions. Fortunately, it becomes easier the more we are healed,
renewed in the mind as referred to by the Apostle Paul, and the better
we learn the difference between the voice of the Shepherd and the
Enemy.
So, as I started to say, this Intercessory Prayer Session, or IPS
for short, If this keeps up, I'll have to write a computer macro to
save typing time, everything was preceding as normal. She
immediately, as we began to pray together, went to a memory of her
childhood where she was playing in her sandbox alone when she put her
hand down on a Pacific Northwest banana slug. It was moving and since
she had never felt one before, remember, she was born blind, she
freaked and began screaming. Banana slugs grow to be, in the
Northwest of the United States, to about 6 to 9 inches and are
generally yellow in color. Thus, they somewhat resemble a banana and
hence their nick name. If they feel threatened, they hump themselves
up, squeeze themselves to a shorter length, and thus appear to grow in
diameter. This lady noticed that movement and she felt a revulsion
simply relating to its shape and size without knowing why. Her father
eventually came running over and told her it couldn't harm her; it was
just a long worm. With this information, she began playing with it.
The Enemy, however, used this normal reaction of sudden fear, to
implant a lie, that is, to deceive a little 6 year old unsuspecting
girl. The fear of bugs would later become reality as an adult woman.
However, this testimony of healing, which I am writing by request, on
the surface, had really very little to do with bugs and worms,
although that's where we started.
As we prayed, I felt the Lord indicating to me something He
wanted to address in this woman's life. The problem was, I did not
want to address this topic. Why? Well, it was simply awkward, for a
reason you will understand shortly, and I figured it was just my flesh
talking. Besides, I do my best not to inject any idea into the IPS,
the Intercessory Prayer Session, that would divert, or otherwise,
misdirect, or misguide the person. The last thing I want to do is to
make any suggestive ideas that will sidetrack the person, with whom
I'm praying, to focus on something the Lord isn't doing. I hope you
are ready for what I am about to say next. If not, stop reading now.
As she was describing how fat the banana worm was, she also
mention her hatred and disdain for long things that were fat and moved
like a snake or a worm and especially if they got fat. For example,
she confessed that she hated the feel of a hot dog. This, in and of
itself, was not unusual. I had prayed through a lot more graphic
descriptions of acts of sexual abuse, with not only this woman, but
many other sexually molested and raped little girls who are now adult
women. This, on the other hand, was strikingly different. To my
utter amazement, the picture of a male erect penis had already
appeared in my thoughts. I groaned inwardly. "God, come on," I said
to myself. "This isn't the time for my flesh, or lustful thoughts, to
manifest," but the image of the erect penis wouldn't go away. I soon
noticed I was not sexually stimulated by anything that was occurring
in the IPS. We continued praying.
Moments later, my heart started beating harder and I felt
extremely uncomfortable. I had decided it was indeed my flesh and I
was not going to even attempt bringing this up during the prayer
session. Not unless, of course, the Holy Spirit confirmed it in some
other way. This, by the way, is my SOP, standard operating procedure
in any prayer session.
As the moments passed, I looked for an opening, although I had
not yet been convinced I would suggest the topic at all. The image,
and the information flowing to me from the Lord was overwhelming and
spiritually insistent. Plus she had literally, without any prompting
on my behalf, suddenly mentioned the male penis as been totally
disdainful and revolting to her and hot dogs remained an image of
shape and size that she hates to this day. What the Lord was saying
to me had now been confirmed and I was not being misled by my flesh
during the prayer session as I previously thought.
Finally, it seemed as if the IPS was over because as she so often
does, she arrived at a point of peace. In her case, at least half the
time, if not more, butterflies of every color and size come and land
on her. Their wings caress her and she can hear them singing at pitch
beyond the range of the human ear. Sometimes Jesus, believe it or
not, is also in the picture, speaking words of comfort and playing
with the butterflies all around him. I could describe many other such
events indicating healing has been reached in the IPS but you are
probably having trouble believing even what I have described so far.
If you wish to know more, just read other testimonies on my website.
When things began to run down, sort of speak, and I knew it was
about to come to an end, I had an overwhelming urge to reveal the
topic that I in no way wished to discuss or pray about. I knew it had
to be done and if I did not do it this time, the Lord would, in fact,
bring it up again. He made it clear there were now issues, after all
her healing to date, which He wanted to reach specifically. I wasn't
a willing participant at that moment but I would be obedient but I
sure didn't like the idea.
I began, nervously, but told her we needed to pray about another
issue that I strongly felt was directly related to what we had been
praying about. My confirmation was that she mentioned it as she
detailed and described the things she hated that reminded her of the
fat banana slug or other such creatures. She used the word "fat"
multiple times in her descriptions and not once but several times. It
was, therefore, an indicator. Later, she would confess that she made
no association consciously from the other objects to that of a erect
penis, although she had mentioned it during the prayer session.
I explained that I had waited until it seemed the right time. I
told her that I strongly felt the Lord was indicating to me we needed
to pray about something but that I had never exactly done such a thing
and it was somewhat awkward to me personally. She wanted to know what
it was. Taking a deep breath, I began to pray and ask the Lord to
show her the truth about a male erect penis. Instantly the renewing
of the mind began to play out as she talked. She had been raped and
sexually abused and even been, as a small little girl, penetrated
anally and all multiple times over more than 12 years. The fear and
the anguish and the literal physical pain played out again in her mind
as she willingly approached what the Lord was bringing before her. I
won't detail all the Lord revealed, but needless to say, tactile
sensations were quietly described and reassuring thoughts from the
Holy Spirit spoke to her thought patterns and soon the healing process
for the IPS was complete as far as this one concept of sexuality in
her life was concerned. She expressed her sincere gratitude that I
was obedient enough to approach the subject upon which she so
desperately needed to focus during prayer. Furthermore, she informed
me, although I figured this would be the case, that many other such
areas would be needed to be healed before she was free of the fear
associated with sexual issues. I understood and told her so but
something else happened.
I suddenly, and without warning, heard myself saying, "I am
telling you this, so when you are married, these old painful memories
cannot hurt you, and so you can be happy." What shocked me was, I had
not thought of saying those words at all. In fact, they hadn't reach
my mind until they came out of my mouth. I knew, therefore, it was
the Holy Spirit speaking from my recreated spirit directly to her and
my thought patterns were being bypassed and only allowed to register
what was said. At that very moment, I could not have stopped my lips
from moving if I had tried. Yet, it still wasn't over.
As a little more conversation continued following the IPS, I said
other things I cannot remember specifically. Suddenly, and once again
without warning, I felt as if my scull had no brain; no brain at all.
I could feel the emptiness but suddenly, my head filled with yellowish
white light and I saw Him. It was Jesus. I know Him by sight when He
appears in my thoughts and I know him by his golden illumination.
Don't ask me why it is this way because I simply do not know the
answer. His nose fit right into my knows. His mouth pressed against
the back of my lips and fit perfectly. His eyes pressed into the back
of my eyes. His entire head pressed against the inside emptiness of
my scull and I could feel Jesus inside of me. It was a perfect fit.
I had never had this experience before in any way but the feeling was
so real, it was impossible to deny or ignore. I felt my lips moving
but don't recall what I said. It was, of course, somehow related to
the topic upon which we had just prayed. Soon it concluded.
I am not writing this because I wished to do so but because I was
asked to do so by this lady with whom I prayed. I could not figure
out any way of broaching this topic personally, so I had decided, this
most certainly was one testimony of healing and the renewing of the
mind that I would not write about. How could I? then she called.
She told me that she strongly felt the Holy Spirit telling her that
this story needed to be told because of all the other little girls and
boys who have suffered in the same manner. I agreed to pray about it
but I still had doubts about my ability to write about it graciously
and without offense. I began thinking/praying about it and with a
very short few hours, I was writing.
It is my sincere hope and trust, this has helped someone to know
that you are not alone. Let me say it again, in case you missed it;
you are not alone. Others are suffering just as you are and there is
help. Jesus is concerned. If you are married with sexual problems
you have been unable to get around, Jesus can fix it. He is more
interested in your sexually intimacy and pleasure and happiness than
you are and He will not leave you nor forsake you even in this. If
you are single, Jesus still is concerned about these issues in your
life and He wants to fix them all. If you think you are homosexual,
even as I once did, Jesus knows exactly how to fix and to make new
your life and especially sexually. If you need assistance, please
call.