It Sounds Like God To Me

© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved



                                      31

                              Feeling Inferior


                              By Phil Scovell






          Praying with a man one day, he said that he had something come up
     recently and he  could not find the  source of his feelings.   He even
     had trouble  identifying the nature  of the associated emotions.   The
     feeling occurred when his wife,  who had been handling their checkbook
     for years, felt the Lord was telling her to turn the checkbook over to
     him.  When she said this,  he told me that he instantly had  a feeling
     of discomfort.
          When I began  asking him questions, he thought  the feelings were
     related to when they  had first married.  He had  purchased a computer
     program to handle their checking account but due to the newness of the
     software,  he had made  some wrong entries  and thus caused  them some
     minor financial  problems.  Soon thereafter, he had been happy to turn
     it over to his  wife.  I guessed  there was more  to this part of  the
     story but I knew it was likely irrelevant to what was really bothering
     him.    I suggested  we just  start  praying with  the feeling  he had
     described, as  vague as it seemed,  and let the  Lord direct us  as we
     prayed.
          His  slight feeling of personal concern and emotional discomfort,
     the moment we began to pray, took him back to a grade school event.  A
     boy had made fun of him one day by saying  his clothes weren't as good
     as the rest of the  students.  That feeling struck deep  with this man
     and we prayed  for the Lord's truth to be revealed.   He reported that
     the Lord told  him that he had  been with him  and as this man  looked
     into the memory again, he saw  himself dressed in bright clothing that
     was far beyond anything anyone else was wearing.   Knowing this wasn't
     the only  place the  Lord  wanted to  take him,  we continued  praying
     together.
          The Lord took him next to a memory of when he was in high school.
     He had been on the football team but  only played one or two games and
     even then, it was in minor positions.  Joining the basketball  team in
     another Christian high  school, the coach  always complimented him  on
     his playing  during practice but then never allowed him to play during
     an actual game.  Again the sharp pain was felt.
          Asking the Lord to expand  the memory and to allow him to see the
     memory  the way, He, the Lord,  saw it, the man  then reported that he
     saw  a panorama  of memories  flashing by so  rapidly, he  couldn't do
     anything  other than  briefly  recognize  them as  old  memories.   He
     reported that  none of the pictures  stopped which would allow  him to
     focus on any given  memory.  This gave  me another clue and I  realize
     this was not the  origin of this man's feelings.  I  asked the Lord to
     reveal the true lie, or lies, in these memories collectively.
          The man said, "This, I know,  sounds really weird, but I feel  as
     if I  hate myself."   This admission,  I then knew,  would lead  us to
     another memory event in which the true lie would reside.
          Praying again, I ask the Lord to take this man to the origin, the
     real  source, of  his feelings  of rejection,  self hatred,  not being
     quite good enough, and being less valuable than others.
          A moment passed and then  he said, "This is even stranger.   I am
     back in a house I lived  in when I was about 6  or 7 years of age.   I
     was in  the basement  and I had  taken several  TV trays and  put them
     together and lined them up in a row.   I pretended I was a businessman
     with people  working for me  and the TV  trays were little  tables and
     desks.  As I played, I took a  piece of paper and just wrote a capital
     T for the  first letter of my name.   As I looked at  it, I thought to
     myself how well I had done in writing the letter.   Suddenly," he said
     to me, "But  then what I  saw on  the paper turned  distorted and  the
     letter T just no longer looked right to me."
          "How do you feel?" I asked.
          "I just feel bad; like something is wrong with me."
          At this point, it was obvious there was a demonic presence in the
     room  where he had been playing.  I  prayed and asked the Lord to show
     this  man where the  demon was in  the memory.   He instantly reported
     that he saw a demonic like figure seated in a chair, not far away from
     where he was playing, watching everything he was doing.
          I prayed again and asked the  Lord to show this man the lies  the
     demon had implanted in the thoughts of the  little boy.  The man began
     to speak what he felt.  He felt inferior, not good enough, he'd  never
     amount to anything  in his life, and  many other related feelings.   I
     asked the man if he knew now where these thoughts had come from and he
     said he clearly  saw how the demon  had implanted these lies  into his
     life.
          At  this moment, the  Holy Spirit spoke  to me and  said, "Do not
     send the demon away yourself.  Ask the man to send it away."
          I asked this man if the demon was still in the memory.   He said,
     "Yes, but  he is  no  longer seated  in the  chair but  standing."   I
     laughed to myself  because I knew the demon was getting ready to leave
     on his own now that  he had no reason for staying.  I told him to send
     him away.  The man prayed, told the demon to go to the place where the
     True Lord Jesus Christ wanted him to go.
          "Is he gone?" I asked when he had finished praying.
          "Yes," he replied, "he's completely gone."
          The Lord told me not to leave this memory but to ask Him to speak
     further  truth to this  man.  I  prayed and asked  the Lord  if He had
     anything else He wished to tell or show or give to this man.
          After a  moment of silence, the man said,  "The Lord told me that
     He had deliberately brought me to this place for me to  learn and that
     He wants to heal me in  many more places."  I then explain  to the man
     what the Lord had told me and that  this memory was shown to him so he
     could learn that he  could use the authority over demons  that God had
     given to him through his Holy Word."
          Returning to the original feelings, he reported he no longer felt
     as he did and that everything felt clear to him.
          I share this simple story of healing because it was my oldest son
     with  whom I prayed.  He is 27 years  old at this writing.  He and his
     wife have two girls.