17

                       Once I Was Blind But Now I See


                              By Phil Scovell






          A man  had called and scheduled a time of prayer in my office for
     the first time.   When he had made the appointment, I  had been in the
     middle of  doing something, I forget what just  now, and I failed, not
     only  to ask for  the man's phone  number, but  I never even  gave him
     instructions  about where  my office  was.   I  normally tell  people,
     especially those coming to my office, about my website and if they are
     on the  internet, I recommend  some reading of  the testimonies on  my
     site before they come.  I failed even to do that this time.
          Something else I also do when people  are coming to my office the
     first time, and I am certain some blind people would strongly disagree
     with this practice, but I inform the person coming to my office that I
     am blind.   Why, you may ask?   Because, I figure it is  only fair.  I
     still find  people who have never met a blind person in their life and
     I still find people who are uncomfortable praying with a blind person.
     In fact, I have been told, by more than one person, I cannot do what I
     do because you have to be  able to see.  Since I have  friends who are
     practicing  psychologists who  are blind,  and since I  am not  even a
     counselor but just pray  with people as a pastor, I figure,  even as a
     blind person,  I should be able to  do what the Lord has  called me to
     do,  regardless of what others think or feel.   I still consider it to
     be  honest to inform the  person coming to  my office that  I am blind
     just in case they personally prefer not to  come to a blind person for
     ministry.  I  failed to  do this recently  with the  man coming to  my
     office for the first time.
          A couple of hours before he arrived, I was thinking about  all of
     this and praying for him often throughout  the day.  What I was really
     doing  is praying,  that is,  exchanging my thoughts  with God,  but I
     realize some  have no idea what  I am talking  about so that is  why I
     said I was thinking about all of this before the man came.  I thought,
     "What  if he doesn't want  a blind person to pray  with him, it making
     him so uncomfortable, he prefers to leave?"  When this thought crossed
     my mind, I heard myself, inside,  laugh.  My answer?  "So what."   For
     the first time in my  life, I realized something was  different inside
     and I didn't care if I was blind.  Something had  spiritually changed.
     I  cannot explain  this  feeling  because, frankly,  I  never knew  it
     existed to  tell the truth, so this new  thought was a big surprise to
     me.  Yet, I laughed about it and that was even more surprising.
          Does  this mean,  therefore, I  was hyper  sensitive about  being
     blind?   Not that I know of, no.   Does it mean I must have felt shame
     of some type concerning being blind?  No, I know it doesn't mean that.
     Does it  mean, I  was sad, mad,  angry, upset,  frustrated, depressed,
     disappointed,  discouraged, annoyed,  broken, freaked  out, miserable,
     unbalanced,  maladjusted,  or  any  other  negative  emotional  psycho
     dynamics you want  to identify?  Maybe  all of the above but  I know I
     rarely ever thought about being blind.  So  what's the difference now?
     Something changed and the question in my mind was not mine.  Perhaps I
     should explain what I just said.
          When I say,  I exchange  my thoughts  with God, that  means I  am
     praying.   When  I say, I  am exchanging  my thoughts for  God's, that
     means I am taking ever thought captive and letting the Lord's thoughts
     become mine.  That is called faith.  Well, that's what I call it.  Let
     me identify what I think really was going on.
          I believe the Enemy uses anything,  and everything, he can to try
     and keep us from developing a personal relationship with the True Lord
     Jesus Christ.   Blindness, and all of  the ramifications that go along
     with it, is just  one thing the Enemy can use.   I could probably name
     at least 100 other things he  uses but I'll let you do the  math.  You
     can  start  with  divorce, sexual  abuse,  homosexuality,  pedophilia,
     gossip, lying,  immorality,  emotional  traumatization  of  any  sort,
     victimization of  any sort, grief  from the loss  of a loved  one, and
     there are  ten right  off the bat.   I  felt as if  I failed  God once
     because the church I pastored folded.   You don't think the Enemy used
     that one against me?  It took  me three years of lost works to recover
     from that one  and another 10 years  before the truth came  and set me
     free.   May I point out, how I  felt wasn't sin and I had done nothing
     wrong?  Yes, the  Enemy even uses things  that aren't sin to entrap  a
     person.  He never plays fair; not ever.
          By now, I think you already  are beginning to think about what  I
     am saying and, most likely, beginning to  identify other areas of your
     own life which can be used against you for the  same reasons.  If such
     is the case,  it isn't me,  it is the Holy  Spirit ministering to  you
     because He, the Holy Spirit, wants to bring us closer, much closer, to
     Jesus.   Sometimes we are  not able to reach  a conclusion on our own.
     This is  where accountability  comes in  as one  of the  most valuable
     tools of relationship available to the Body of Christ.  Unfortunately,
     such  accountability is  rarely available  in  most churches.   I  am,
     though, available, on the other hand.
          Let me  also expand my feelings  about the change which  was made
     aware to me by the Holy Spirit.  The next day, when I was thinking and
     meditating  on what  I  had learned,  I tried  to describe  the actual
     emotional feeling I had at that moment of awareness.  When it came, it
     almost knocked me  over because it was  that physical in nature.   The
     feeling  I had of "So what,"  was the actual feeling  as if I were not
     blind in the first  place.  I know that sounds  ridiculously weird but
     it  was the identifiable  emotion at that  very moment.   I literally,
     felt as if I were suddenly not blind at all.  What does all this mean?
     I  have a  pretty  good idea  but  most people  reading  this wouldn't
     believe it even if I explained it.  So, instead, let's just let God be
     God.  He's the only one who knows the truth anyhow.
          Now, if  you are blind  and reading this, your  personal feelings
     probably are  telling you, "But I've  adjusted to my  blindness."  Me,
     too.  Sure, I had thoughts over the passed  41 years of blindness that
     a lot  of things could be much simpler if I weren't blind.  If you can
     show me a blind person who hasn't  had such thoughts, please put me in
     touch with them because I would like to personally meet them.   At any
     rate, I  had been to  the rehabilitation organizations and  the school
     for the  blind so  I had  been programed  to think  unblind just  like
     everyone else who is blind.  So,  in short, I've been happy throughout
     the last 40 years plus of my life.  Even after fifteen eye surgeries.
          My point is,  however, being adjusted is  not being free.   It is
     somewhat like the sinner.  He may live a Godly life, or attempt to, by
     going to church, reading  the bible, praying to  the God of  creation,
     even worshiping Him, but it does not mean he has ever been born again.
     In fact, he may live all those good things just to attempt to prove to
     himself that  he is God worthy.  It  isn't his worthiness that counts;
     it is the  worthiness of  the True  Lord Jesus Christ  that makes  the
     difference.  If  one embraces this, according to  Scripture, and calls
     upon the name  of the Lord to be  save, he is set free  from works and
     the destruction of sin.   In my testimony I am  attempting to explain,
     the same  is true,  that is,  the  truth sets  us free  as born  again
     believers.   In short,  the person living  a Godly life  without being
     born  again might  feel  spiritually  adjusted but  he  isn't free  of
     destruction and eternal damnation.
          If you are not free and have no one with which to pray, call me.