© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
13 The Naked Truth By Phil Scovell Matthew 18:18-20 18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. I had no memory, no conscious memory, of the event. In fact, it had been at least fifty years since I had experienced it. In short, I never knew it was there because it had been buried so deep, it never came to the surface of my memory. It had definitely influenced me, however, for five decades. There are a number of Christians today making a living off their critical analysis over anything they don't understand. They label it New Age, Biblical heresy, Scriptural skewing, textual tampering, psychological trickery, psychiatrical theatrics, eastern meditation, medical quackery, theological foolishness, doctrinal dramatization, mental magic, and even demonic. That last one I never have been able to figure out because when Jesus was confronted with the same criticisms by the religious people of His day, this is what He said to them. 22 Then was brought unto him one possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the blind and dumb both spake and saw. 23 And all the people were amazed, and said, Is not this the son of David? 24 But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils. 25 And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand: 26 And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how shall then his kingdom stand? 27 And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your children cast them out? therefore they shall be your judges. 28 But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you, (Matthew 12:22-28). I could be wrong, of course, but this response by our Lord sort of sounded like a rebuke. I think Jesus was trying to tell these religious unbelievers of what they were witnessing, that their children were smarter than they were and if children could understand it, well then?" Interpret it as you wish. Let me tell you the rest of my experience. In a few prayer sessions several years ago, we were looking for the origin, or source, of what was causing anxiety and panic attacks that had literally commandeered my life. I was hearing voices, having horrible nightmares, experiencing brain fog, and was unable to eat normally. One day, as this man and I did nothing but pray together, a picture, like a black and white photograph, flashed in my mind. The second I saw it, I was amazed. I had never recalled seeing this memory, although it had occurred fifty years ago, but the split second I saw the picture, I clearly remembered it. As we prayed together, my mind backed up one click, that is, one picture frame. I was a little boy and could hardly walk. I remember being in our living room. I couldn't see my mom. I walked to her bed room door, which was ajar. I remember thinking, maybe mommy is in there. I walked toward the door and I recall going slowly because I tottered while walking and I didn't want to lose my balance and fall. I put my hands on the door and pushed and nearly fell into the room. My mother was stark naked. She had gone to change her clothes. The second I stepped into the bed room and saw my mother completely naked, I froze. The picture stopped. Something was wrong; terribly wrong. I could feel it in the air. I didn't know what it was all about but I felt confused and perplexed. I knew, instinctively, that I wasn't supposed to see my mother this way but how could I know that? I wasn't even a year old. How could I think it was wrong yet that's how I felt; wrong. It took a total of three prayer sessions to find the answer to this one question. Approaching this memory created even greater fear and anxiety. I was horribly afraid that perhaps I had been molested by my mother. Why would I think such a thing? My mother was now 80 years of age and, as we later learned, just a few months away from death. I couldn't confront an 80 year old woman now; not now. She was ill after multiple strokes. Yet, I was horribly and dreadfully afraid I might very well be a victim of child molestation. My fear and anxiety intensified. During our followup prayer session a few days later, I was too fearful to even go to that memory nor did we. I could not let myself think my own mother had molested me. She had been my best friend growing up and I loved her dearly. At the end of the second prayer session related to this memory, I confessed that I couldn't go to the memory because I was afraid it might utterly destroy the picture I had of my mother in my heart. The man prayed and asked if that would happen if I learned the truth from the Lord Jesus. I clearly heard the Lord tell me in my spirit that nothing of the sort would happen. I felt relief, and confidence, that Jesus, my Lord, wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. I somehow knew the truth would indeed make me free as He promised. During the third prayer session, as soon as we began to pray, I saw myself in that bed room and the look on my face as I stood frozen in time at what I saw. Although I could not figure out what was wrong, I felt something was. Yet, this time, based upon what Jesus had promised me in the previous prayer session, I somehow wasn't afraid of the truth. I heard the man praying in the background but I don't know what he was saying. I looked at the little boy in the picture who, of course, was me. I said in my thoughts, "Lord, what was I thinking?" The words that I heard next were unmistakable, in origin, in content, and in feeling. "See. You should have been a woman." Now, those who are skeptics of intercessory prayer, are going to have to explain to me, first of all, why had I not thought of this memory for nearly fifty years, and secondly, how did those very words get into my mind? Someone may say, the man praying with me suggested this memory picture, and these thoughts I had, and these words to me. Of course, if you believe that, you would be utterly wrong. He did no such thing because he personally had no knowledge of these things until I told him. So what are the answers to my questions, that is, how was it that this memory lay dormant for 50 years, and how did those words get into a little boy's mind? I'm sure, being the skeptic you are, there will be some cockamamie answer that has already settled it in your mind but I will refresh your memory of something you have already forgotten. Fact. I was already fearful that this was the very moment in time that I was sexually molested by my mother. That alone was impossible in my adult mind but the memory wasn't of an adult, it was of a small little boy who had just learned to walk and wasn't very stable on his legs even then. Let me answer the second question first, and that is, how did those words get into a little, less than a year old, boy's mind? As you may recall, I stated that the second I pushed open the bed room door and walked in and saw my mother fully unclothed, I felt something was very wrong. I asked you at the time, how would I know something of this nature was wrong? Was it? The answer is simple. No, it wasn't wrong, it wasn't sin, and I wasn't molested. So, what was wrong? What was it, that I felt at only nine or ten months of age, that was so wrong? Do you think a toddler would have already developed the mental awareness that nakedness is wrong or sinful? Do you think a toddler would feel confusion at what he saw and especially if what he saw was his own mother? After all, I didn't walk in on my sisters. I wasn't spending the night at a friends years later and walked in and saw his mother in the nude. So, I ask you again. Where did my confusion and the words I so clearly heard spoken, come from? Did Jesus speak these words? Don't make me laugh. While you are trying to figure out your answers, let me explain it and especially since it happened to me, I should know. Right? You decide. There are a couple of other aspects of this true story you may not have heard unless, of course, you read some of my other testimonies. First, as a very young boy, I had some experimental sexual contact with another older boy in the neighborhood. This I later explained to my father, who at my young age, explained in very childlike terms, that such contact wasn't proper or Christian. Furthermore, when I asked him what I should say if the boy tried it again, dad simply said to tell him that you don't want to do that any more. He did attempt it again, I did as dad had suggested, and the boy never did it again. Something you might find interesting, however, is that I learned many years later, this boy became a homosexual. Fast forward with me now more than 25 years into the future. I was an assistant pastor. Although I had been totally blind since I had been 12 years of age, I had been preaching full time since I was 23 years old. My wife and I had our first child. He was about 2 years old when I took this position in this church. It was a small church of about 60 people. One day, the pastor called me into his office. He told me that he would be resigning and moving to another town about a hundred miles distant to begin a new church. He was confident the church would ask me to take his place. Later, he even recommended to the board that I take his place. They had other plans. Calling me in one night after an evening service, they informed me that I knew too much about them and other church members. They believed the church needed a clean break. Therefore, and later it was admitted my blindness also played a big role in their final decision, I would not even be allowed to try. As I went home that night, the deepest darkest blackness settled over me and I felt as if I were empty inside. I had never really experienced rejection before, in spite of my blindness, but I felt it now. Never had I felt so blind, so helpless, so alone, and so rejected in my life. My wife and I cried for days. We had poured out our lives to these people and now we were being rejected. Our ministry at this place was over. It would take another 4 months before our home would finally sell. Those remaining weeks and month were torture. The board asked me if I would be their interim pastor until they could hire one. Like a dummy, I said yes. Why did I accept? I thought, if they heard me preach and teach and saw me handling the every day workings of the ministry during that time, they might, just maybe, they would change their minds. I was wrong. My wife needed a break. Her sister offered to fly her, along with our 2 year old plus son, and now our brand new baby girl, down to where she lived for a week. My wife didn't want to leave me but I felt fine by this time so I encouraged her to go. She did and took our little children with her. During the week she was gone, I stayed up late, mostly playing around with my ham radio equipment, talking to people all over the world, and generally relaxing. Then one night, it began to creep up on me. It was loneliness; extreme loneliness. There was almost an oppressive feeling in the house. I missed my wife and my children. I somehow almost felt lost in my grief. I'd failed. The thing I had wanted more than anything in my life, I now was refused and refused because I was blind. I had prayed on my knees for these people whom I loved time and time again. I cared about them more than I cared about anyone else on the planet. They were real people and I loved just being around them all but the rejection was too great. The pain deep down inside grew stronger. Rejection; rejection; rejection. I felt the darkness outside closing in around me and sealing the house. It was 2 o'clock in the morning and I was all alone. "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me," (Job 3:25). Why wouldn't they let me? "You should have been a woman," came the silent thoughts that had no beginning or end. "You'd make a better woman." The fear was real now and not just something I made up. I couldn't make it go away because I didn't know how. It was dark and evil but I couldn't think about it and I couldn't block it out no matter how much I tried. I was isolated and all alone. I felt negatively magnetized by the words I heard and felt. I fought against the pull, the words, the evil truth. I would make a better woman. I was a woman. I felt myself slowly floating down the short hall to our bedroom. I found some of my wife's clothing. I removed my own and put her's on. Yes, I put everything on. It even felt right. "This is who you really are." Once I was sexually satiated, I fell into a restless tormented sleep. My life would now never be the same. If people, Christian people, ever found out, I'd never get to pastor. The deep emotional pain sank even deeper as I struggled to control it. Another 25 years into the future, I was praying with a man in his office. I saw the little boy who discovered his naked mother as she changed her clothing. I felt the confusion. I knew I shouldn't be there. I shouldn't be seeing what I saw. Yet, I couldn't mentally discern how I knew any of this as a little boy. The second I heard, "See. You should have been a woman," my mind, as if it were a black streak across a background of white, reached across almost 50 decades of time and struck the memory dead center that possessed those horrible feelings that felt like self betrayal. There was a mental explosion of awareness. "An Enemy hath done this." Light! "24 Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: 25 But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way. 26 But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also. 27 So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares? 28 He said unto them, An enemy hath done this," (Matthew 13:24-28). I saw, and felt, the connection. I had been ambushed by a lying spirit. He kept the lie secret for 50 years. He was in no hurry. He was patient. He started with a little boy who couldn't discern the truth. Diabolical. Hideous. Malevolent. Wicked. Evil. Satanic. Those who insist upon limiting God by how they think He should heal, renew one's mind, answer their prayers, or raise them from the dead need to get a new life in Christ. In case you are curious, I am going to answer some questions that most of you are pondering as you read this testimony. Q1. Did you ask the Lord to forgive what you had done? Answer 1. What do you think? Q2. Then why couldn't you just accept God's forgiveness? Answer 2. I did. Q3. So why did it keep bothering you? Answer 3. Simple. I still believed a hideously perpetrated lie about myself which the Enemy implanted in my unsuspecting mind. Q4. Well, if God had forgiven you, and this lie you claim was implanted into your childhood mind when you were under a year old, and you later came to know Christ, don't you believe it was all settled for you at the Cross? Answer 4. Yes, I do believe it was all paid for at the Cross. Q5. Then why were you so guilt ridden all those years? Answer 5. See Answer #3. Q6. So, then you really do not believe it was all settled at the Cross, Otherwise, you would have received God's forgiveness and this would have never bothered you again. Answer 6. If you choose to think the opposite of what I say I believe, I cannot change your reasoning. If you think I am lying, I cannot change that either. I said, I believe the Bible teaches that all my sins, passed, present, and future, were settled for me at the Cross. I also fully understand the Scriptural functionality of 1 John 1:9 but I have written on these things extensively so I won't reinvent the wheel for you in one testimonial. Believe what you wish. Q7. Tell me, Brother. Why did God allow you to suffer 50 years before He got around to setting you free?" Answer 7. Because He is God and you are not. Furthermore, and more specifically, I wasn't suffering, as you called it, all those years. Q8. Don't you think a loving God would have done something for you before you reached half your life?" Answer 8. If you can explain why God's people die of cancer, heart attacks, get run over by trucks, are murdered, are slowly dying as they shrivel away in a nursing home when their Christian children rarely bother come to see them, why babies are sometimes still born or die as little ones, I'll answer your question. As far as I am concerned, I refuse to play God. He is able to speak for Himself so why don't you ask Him? Q9. Don't you believe, Brother Scovell, that you suffered a nervous break down, some acute manic depression melt down, a bipolar incident, had a panic attack, an anxiety episode, or maybe even some type of paranoid schizophrenic experience? Answer 9. Maybe all the above. Who cares? I certainly don't. Besides, as a Christian, where are you coming up with all these psych terms anyhow? Did you forget who God is and what He promises He can do for those who believes? "With God, nothing shall be impossible," (Luke 1:37), and "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believes," (Mark 9:23). Isn't that good enough for you or do you need a secular or scientific explanation as well? Q10. Well, don't you think this Jesus you see is a mystical Jesus and not the real Jesus? Answer 10. Who said anything about seeing Jesus at all? I didn't. Q11. Well, don't you believe in such a thing? Answer 11. I sure don't. If there is a mystical Jesus, as you suggest, it wouldn't be the real Jesus, now would it? I only believe in the real Jesus the Christ. Q12. What makes you believe what you heard as a little boy, if you heard anything at all, was Satan? Answer 12. Well, one thing I know. It was certainly not the real Jesus talking to me. Maybe that's the mystical jesus to which you were referring. In that case, I guess I do believe in a mystical, or false, jesus after all. Q13. Well, if that was a demonic lie you heard as a child, why wouldn't the Cross of Christ have erased it? Answer 13. It is called "the free will of man." Q14. But wouldn't you have been considered deceived at that time? Answer 14. Yes, I surely was deceived at that time but I am not now. I have learned the truth and it has set me free. I think that's in the bible somewhere. I'm pretty sure, in fact, Jesus Himself said it. I could be wrong. Q15. Wouldn't the Lord have taken this into account, your being deceived, that is? Answer 15. He did. On the Cross. Remember? Q16. But haven't we as Christians been set free from demonic attacks? Answer 16. If that is true, why are we told to "resist the devil?" (See James 4:7). Why are we cautioned to be careful in order that Satan not gain an advantage over us and that we are aware of His devices? (See 2 Corinthians 2:11). Why does the Bible carefully instruct those of us who are Christians "not to give place to the devil?" (See Ephesians 4:27). Don't these Biblical warnings mean it is possible for a Christian to have let his guard down, or to become unaware of Satan's devices, and isn't it obvious, therefore, since we are warned not to give place to the devil, that we must be able, as Christians, to do exactly that? Q17. Don't you feel that you might be involved in some cultic eastern religion, meditation, self hypnosis, or some form of visualization or guided imagery? Answer #17. No. Q18. Do you have any way of confirming this literally happened? Answer 18. Yes. I was set free of the guilt and debilitating deceptiveness. Q19. If this truly happened, why did Satan single you out? Answer 19. He didn't. "He walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour, (First Peter 5:8). So he isn't picky and is interested in everybody. You, too. Q20. Well, Brother Scovell, don't you believe that if we leave Satan alone, he will leave us alone? Answer 20. There is absolutely no Scriptural evidence that statement is true.