© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
8 Hitting The Nail On The Head By Phil Scovell Due to a recent embarrassing memory that came to mind, I have allowed other such memories to surface to see if something needs to be healed. One such memory had to do with the first day at the school for the blind. I was 12 years old and had only been blind for a couple of weeks when I began attending the school for the blind in Nebraska where I lived at that time. One of my classes that first day, was an hour of shop. I was the only student because it was the final class of the day and all the other boys were in gym class. The shop teacher, a very kind man, who I became very quickly fond of due to his humorous nature, took his time to show me around the shop. I remember one specific experience that embarrassed me a great deal. I have always tried dismissing this memory, and its uncomfortable feeling, because I thought the focus was on my embarrassment. It wasn't. It was, I know now, on my blindness. Here's what happened. As the shop teacher showed me around the large shop room, he allowed me to feel each of the large and small power tools. Stopping at a plays where several tools were hanging, he described the tool cabinet and then he placed one of my hands on the handle of a tool and asked me if I knew what it was. His hand was covering mine so I couldn't move my hand to touch the other end of the tool. There wasn't a tool in the shop I hadn't seen before going blind because my dad was a good carpenter and we had everything a builder could think of in our tool shed. I was familiar with them all and used most all of them at one time or another except for our table saw. Since he held my hand against the tool handle, I said nothing at first. He said, "I'm sorry." That confused me. If he would have let me touch the rest of the tool, I could have easily told him what it was. Yet, he kept his hand over mind which prevented me from examining the hand tool for myself. "I'm sorry," he said again as I hesitated. Now I felt stupid because it felt as if he thought I should know this tool without hesitation. I know now he meant nothing of the kind. Finally I just guessed and asked if it was a hatchet. He again said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's a hammer." Now I felt even worse. I wanted to scream, "I know what a hammer was but you wouldn't let me feel it." For years, I ignored, and otherwise pushed away, this memory as just being part of life; blind life but life nonetheless. After all, I had just lost my sight after six months and more than a dozen eye operations. I had just left home for basically the first time in my life and was in a horrible place that I did not want to be. I was homesick and felt as if I were dying inside. When the Lord recently brought renewal into my life related to another situation of embarrassment relating to my blindness, I thought I should stop and look at this childhood memory of embarrassment and see if the Lord had anything to say to me about it. He did. As I focused on the memory, the embarrassment of not being allowed to identify the hammer for what it was, triggered a boat load of confusing and painful thoughts. The homesickness, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the recent blindness, and everything that went along with it, in my childhood memories which occurred more than 40 years ago, suddenly surfaced. As I looked into the memory and felt all it contained, I suddenly saw Jesus standing about 10 feet away in front of the shop fire doors that led to the outside. I had totally forgotten those doors even existed until I saw Jesus standing there. Nothing was said audibly but I felt the words coming from the True Lord Jesus as surely as if He had spoken them aloud. He was saying, "I was there, even though you didn't see me, and you did nothing wrong. I know, that you knew, it was a hammer." Now, every time that memory pops up in my thoughts, I see Jesus standing close by and making sure I know He is there. Is Jesus there for you? Does He stand in the places that hurt or that are fearful or that are sad? Yes, He can renew your mind so that even such childhood embarrassing moments can be healed of pain. Jesus can fill your life because He is the Alpha and Omega; the First and the Last of your life.