© Copyright 2007 by Phil Scovell - All Rights Reserved
1 I Flew Kites With Jesus By Phil Scovell Disclaimer Author's Note. It is recommended that you not even remotely attempt to try the basic principles you think you see in this testimony. There is a great deal more one needs to know than what you read here and this is not a "How To" article. End of author's note. Preface On November 13, 1963, my father died. He had been in the hospital for three weeks; the last two of which he was comatose. After six months and more than a dozen eye operations, I was pronounced totally blind on November 13, 1964; exactly one year to the day of my father's death. Two weeks following being released from the hospital, I left home for a school for the blind. Introduction I have never met a person who has lived a charmed life, that is, someone who has not suffered loss or some traumatic experience during some time of their life. Because I was raised in a good Christian home, I was different, I thought, until the Lord showed me how wrong I was. Sitting in the Christian therapist's office for the first time, I began by telling him I had been raised in a wonderful Christian home, was never mistreated, and overall, I had a wonderful childhood. After spending the next twenty minutes explaining to him all the things happening in my life that were causing me anxiety and panic attacks, sleepless nights, and nightmares when I did sleep, he said, "Phil, you have experienced some pretty traumatic events in your life." "I have?" I replied; puzzled. "Well, your father's sudden death and your blindness coming exactly one year later to the day. That's two events which are pretty traumatic." Frankly, I had never considered my dad's death and my blindness as traumatic. I thought that was a term used when you were in car wrecks, plane crashes, got hit by a speeding car, or when you fell down a flight of stairs and broke all the bones in your body. "Trauma? Me?" I was even more shocked when he continued talking. "In all the years of my practice as a Christian therapist, I have discovered that psychology doesn't work and is a band aid at best for the problems people face as Christians." My heart sank. This was my last hope. I had been suffering from horrifying frightening anxiety for six weeks; day and night. I was on medication I didn't want to take but felt I had no choice. As a Christian, I considered myself to be a total failure and I knew I'd never serve the Lord again. Maybe, just maybe, if I could stay on the medications and get some Christian psychological help, I could be half a person and could experience happiness occasionally over the balance of my life. The way I felt, I probably wouldn't live that much longer in the first place. Now, here's this guy, my last hope, telling me what he is trained for, and what I came for to get, doesn't work. He was still talking. "What I have found that works is something the Bible calls the renewing of the mind." I almost cried. I knew the next thing he was going to tell me was something about a new age inner healing cult he was in which involved personal management skills, a buzz phrase for behavior modification, along with visualization and daily meditation and affirmations. I readied myself to stand at his next words because I was going to walk out of his office. Suddenly, part way through his explanation of this prayer ministry he was talking about, I stopped him and said, "Do you know what an intercessor is?" "I sure do," he replied. "Well," I said, "I've been an intercessor since 1985 and this sounds exactly like a form of focused intercessory prayer." He agreed. Over the next few months, I visited his office nine times. We prayed together for ninety minutes to three hours in each prayer session. The Lord began to totally change my life. Oddly, before the manic depression and the anxiety and panic attacks began, the Lord told me one day that He was leading me into another type of intercessory prayer ministry which would normally be conducted on a one-to-one bases. I had no idea what the Lord was talking about and I told Him so. Besides, I could already feel the depression coming on and was doing everything in my power to stop its advance and intrusion into my life. When the depression came, it buried me alive in anxiety, panic, raw unadulterated terror, nightmares, sleeplessness, and voices in my head I could not silence even when using the name of Jesus. Six weeks into the depression, the Lord repeated His call upon my life. I cried out to the Lord and told Him I had no idea what He was talking about and that He would have to help me find people who understand this type of intercessory prayer. That very week, the Lord led me to someone who was doing exactly what He was trying to explain to me concerning His will for my life. Less than a year after my first visit to the Christian therapist, I was doing the same type of intercessory prayer work with others that he had been doing with me. The Purpose The purpose of this testimony is to detail how, and what, the Lord did in one of my prayer sessions. I want to show how the Lord took me back to a pair of memories which were connected and how the Lord healed and renewed my mind from all the woundedness and pain I had been suffering for nearly my entire life. I want to show how the Enemy works and how we learn to believe the lies of the Enemy instead of God's Word. You will clearly see how, as a Christian, I carried anger in my heart for nearly forty years because of lies I believed which were implanted by the Enemy. Anger Three days before Christmas My youngest son and I had a strong disagreement. He was 21 years old at the time and I was 51 years of age. I am humbled to say it was more of a shouting match than an argument and some very terrible unchristian things were said by all. I had already done a hundred hours of prayer time with many different people and seen some amazing things happen. Plus, I had prayed through many things by myself in my own life and also experienced many dramatic healings of woundedness. So, I should have known better and demonstrated more responsibility. Instead, my son touched a sore spot and that tapped into old woundedness and out rushed the anger; protecting lies buried deep within my life. As usual, however, the Lord took what the Enemy meant for evil and turned it to good because I called out to Him for help. After my son left, I prayed and asked the Lord where this anger was coming from but I was too emotionally involved to hear from the Lord at that time. Even later that night, when the anger was less but still burned, I tried praying to locate the original source but all I could feel was a vague memory that was nearly forty years old and the pain was deeply imbedded. I could not get to where I hurt without agreement in prayer. It just so happened, I had a prayer session scheduled in a couple of days with Bret; the same Christian therapist I had prayed with before. The Prayer Session After spending a few minutes visiting about things in general concerning our separate ministries, Bret said, "Anything going on of late, Phil?" I told him there were lots of little things but the argument with my son had stirred up anger that I didn't know I had. So we agreed we would start with the anger. First we prayed and asked for God's direction and blessings on our time in prayer. While praying on my own for the last year, I often ended up thinking about the time I lost my sight. The memory that always came to mind, was where I saw myself on my back in a large hospital ward of about forty beds. I was twelve years of age at the time. The minute we began to pray about the anger I had experienced just a few days earlier, I was back in that hospital ward. I said as much to Bret. "Lord," he prayed, "would you show Phil, by your Holy Spirit, why he is angry in this memory?" Suddenly, in an instant of time, I knew. I was angry with God for letting me go blind. Why didn't He stop it. Additionally, I saw the anger turn inward against myself. I felt as if somehow I had failed God and my family. I spoke these raw tender hurting emotions out as I felt them so Bret could hear what the Lord had revealed in this memory. "Holy Spirit, is there more in this memory you want Phil to see and feel?" he asked. "Why did He let my dad die? He took my father from me," I said aloud as I felt the pain. More hurt and pain tumbled out as we prayed and the Holy Spirit gently put his finger on each wounded area of my life; dislodging them. "Lord Jesus," I heard Bret praying again, "is there anything else the Holy Spirit needs Phil to see in the painful event you have brought back to his memory today?" I waited for a few moments but nothing happened. "I don't feel anything," I reported. "Do you feel blocked or confused or like there is perhaps something hindering you?" I said, sighing heavily, "I don't know; I don't feel or see anything." Bret said, "Do you mind if we check to see if there is any demonic activity in this memory?" "No," I don't mind," I said quietly. After all, we had done this a dozen times before in previous prayer session just like this one. Now, however, I wasn't afraid of demons so it would be easier. "Lord Jesus," he prayed, "we need your help. We cannot do any of this alone. If there was some demonic spirit oppressing Phil during this tender time of his life, and planting lies, we want to know what you know. We refuse any demonic spirits to speak other than what you allow them to speak as Lord and Master of all principalities and powers. If they break this rule, we will turn them over to you to go wherever you might send them." I saw, at this moment, a demonic figure standing by my hospital bed. He was dark as night and bent over at the waist as if he were bending his head closer in order to speak to me. I felt the lies he spoke; I heard nothing. I reported to Bret what I felt and saw. Note. Before continuing, let me make a comment about what just happened. I do not always see a demonic presence in memories of which the Lord reminds me. In fact, I rarely see them in memories at all. In this case, and probably due to my young age, the Lord wanted me to clearly see that the thoughts I was having were not mine but lies implanted in my thinking. Years later, as an adult and in the ministry, I would have all the same feelings coming out in every day life as current events tapped into the lies and released the pain and woundedness associated with those same lies. Yet, I would be totally unawares of the source of all those negative emotions creating problems for me as an adult. I heard Bret praying again and asking the Lord what other lies were planted into my thinking at this time. Tears came to my eyes and I cried when I felt the emotions of the lie which was revealed by the Holy Spirit. "I feel like God doesn't love me for some reason," I said softly. "Holy Spirit, what is the truth you want Phil to know about this?" Note. At this point, I cannot exactly explain what occurred because of the tremendous power and spiritual intimacy I felt coming from the Lord. I actually figured the Lord would tell me the same thing He has often said to others with whom I have prayed. He often simply says, "I love you," or something equally basic in nature. You may know Scripturally and doctrinally and theologically that God loves you but when He says it to you Himself, you will never forget the feeling. However, no such thing was said. In fact, no words were spoken but a single powerful impression came to me and I felt it on the inside of me. In my own words, this is what I felt the Lord was saying. "You are expecting me to say I love you from outside of you but this is not the way it works. I am on the inside of you and I am love. Therefore, because I am in you, my love for you is inside of you where I am and always present. There is no need for me to speak of this love outwardly because I am in you and that is where you should look for it." Frankly, this made sense to me. I never actually recalled my dad saying he loved me. I'm sure he did but I just don't recall him doing so. I always knew my dad loved me, however, without him having to tell me. How did I know this? Because of how he treated me and talked to me and spent time with me. Now, what the Holy Spirit was speaking to me about the love of God was being intimately revealed to me in spiritual terms and I understood. What I said out loud to Bret was nothing like this at the time because I could not explain it until several hours later. I still have trouble explaining it because, as I said, there were no words spoken and I heard nothing. What I felt in my spirit was a mingling or intertwining, or a weaving as if a loom was being used to create a tightly woven piece of cloth. At this very moment, I strongly felt that the Lord was talking to me about a new partnership He was establishing with me. What I said out loud was, "Something is happening theologically which I cannot explain in words but the love of God is somehow, and in some way, a part of me and inside of me because that is where the Lord said He is." He prayed and said, "Holy Spirit, what do you want Phil to do with these things you have revealed to him?" I simply prayed at that time and let the Lord take all these lies and phony emotions implanted into my thoughts. "What's going on now, Phil," he asked. I said, "Everything seems to be gone." Note. The demonic figure I saw standing by my bed, as we prayed and the Lord began exposing his lies, started to diminish in size. He eventually shrank to something just a few inches tall and he lost all his form and shape. In fact, what remained of him was something that looked very much like a scribbling child's doodling; abstract and made up of random lines. Then I spoke and said, "There's one thing left now." "What's that, Phil," Bret asked. "I feel lonely. I feel all alone and by myself." "Holy Spirit, show Phil what you want him to know about this loneliness he feels," Bret prayed. At that very moment, the memory picture of being in the hospital and laying on my back instantly vanished and was replaced with another memory. I was at the graveside service of my father. I saw myself and my mom and all the other people on one side of the casket. On the opposite side of the casket, I saw Jesus. He seemed as if He wanted to say something or do something but I couldn't understand what it was. I also felt the anger firmly rooted in this memory and that it had not come from the hospital memory at all. I reported this to Bret. "Lord Jesus, what do you want to do with Phil's anger that he feels?" Bret prayed. "He wants me to give it to him." I replied without hesitation. So I prayed and gave it to the Lord. "Holy Spirit," he prayed, "what is it now that you want Phil to know or to understand about this memory event in his life?" I laughed. "What is it?" Bret asked. "Well," I replied, "I can see myself standing on the other side of the casket. I am smiling and saying, "Can I go play now?" Bret laughed, too. "Sure. Nothing wrong with that." I saw the Lord still standing on the other side of the casket. I felt He was saying, "Come with me." I said, "Come with you where?" Jesus raised in arm as if to say, "Follow me." Instantly the memory picture of the graveside service vanished and I was back at the home where I grew up. Jesus was walking next to me into the field next to our home where I used to fly my kites. My dad taught me how to fly kites in that very field. As we walked out into the warm sunshine of the summer day, I saw myself carrying a red kite and I saw another kite flying high overhead and it was red as well. Although I noticed it at the time, I didn't understand about the second red kite in the sky until many days later. The second kite flying high over head had no string attached. I remember being puzzled about this at the time but just dismissed it as unimportant. Now I know the second red kite belonged to the Lord. He needs no string when He flies a kite. It was already in the air to tell me His kite always flies high and never touches down; no strings attached. Furthermore, it later came to mind that my kite was red just like my Father's; Jesus. We shared relationship now in the form of spiritual intimacy that passes all understanding. The two red kites, in other words, stood for mutual identity. As we walked, the man next to me was clearly Jesus and felt like Jesus but he also felt just like my father. Yet I knew it was the Lord. I reported this to Bret. Keep in mind that what I just described was not a memory I was seeing. Additionally, all my memories and things I sense when I pray are still pictures, that is, nothing is moving. Occasionally, something like this happens as I pray where movement occurs. I have no idea exactly why the memories are like fixed snap shot pictures but then occasionally there is movement. I personally interpret it as a level of deeper spiritual intimacy occurring because in every case, that's how it feels. Bret asked me if we could return to the two memories to make certain we haven't missed anything. I agreed and there was nothing remaining in the memory of the graveside service I had concerning my father. The hospital memory was different. Note. The moment I went back in my mind to the memory in the hospital, I felt Jesus standing next to me but did not see Him. I also did not see my bed nor myself in the bed. It felt like a large empty room. "I still feel a little bit of anger left in this memory," I said. "Holy Spirit," Bret prayed, "What do you want Phil to know about this anger?" The feeling I received as an answer is a great deal more complex than I am able to describe but in my own words, it is something like this. The Lord told me that we are friends and that sometimes friends have disagreements and misunderstandings. Sometimes friends will even have arguments and become angry. Again, the Lord said, we were friends so as far as He was concerned, the misunderstanding and the anger was over because of our friendship. He made it clear in my thinking that He wasn't upset that I was mad at Him at the time. The feeling of being in a partnership manifested in my thoughts again and seemed to be growing stronger. At this point, the remaining feeling of anger vanished and there were no negative emotions remaining in that memory in the hospital. After reporting what I felt the Lord was saying about all this, Bret prayed again and said, "Holy Spirit, is there anything else Phil needs to know about this memory?" Instantly I heard the words and spoke them audibly the moment I heard them because it was so strongly stated, I could not keep quiet. I said, "I am not blind any more." Note. Of course, this can be taken two ways, or both ways, for that matter. The Lord could have been speaking spiritually or physically. It makes no difference to me how you personally interpret what I just said. I know in my heart, on the other hand, what He was talking about. Again Bret prayed, "Holy Spirit, is there anything else?" I spoke it the instant I heard the words; "We are leaving this place." "We are leaving this place?" Bret questioned. Note. The reason he asked this question is due to the fact I used the word "we." In demonic manifestation, it is common that they will speak in the plural because there is often more than one demonic spirit involved. Also, it is very common for demons to leave on their own when the reason for their presence has been removed, that is, their implanted lies. Sometimes they will even say they are leaving out loud through the person's own voice or they will say this in the mind of the person receiving intercessory prayer. Additionally, in the case of multiple personalities, or Dissociative Identity Disorder cases, the term "we" is sometimes used by the alternate personalities as a collective statement. Since I figured this was what Bret might be thinking, I clarified what I said. "Yes, the Lord said, we are leaving this place." A final time, Bret said, "Holy Spirit, is there anything else?" Again, the words came to my mind instantly and I spoke them aloud. "And we are never coming back." Bret said, "I know that is true, Phil." "Oh, really?" I replied. "How?" "Because," he said, "that is exactly what the Lord said to me before you spoke it out loud." I laughed because I have had the exact same thing happen to me as an intercessor when praying with others. Personal Comments Some people think this type of thing is still psychology and packaged in Biblical terms. They will refer to it as regressive therapy, inner healing, hypnosis, suggestive imagery, and some like to call this Psycho Heresy. They never once consider it to be what it really is and that is agreement of two people in intercessory prayer. When I am praying with people, sometimes I pray and sometimes I ask them to pray. What is going on in the mind is nothing different than personal prayer that is conducted silently. If you have never heard the Lord speaking to you in your thoughts, I would be concerned. Why? Because if you do not know His voice, as He said we would in John's Gospel, (see John 10:4), then you will find it less easy to follow Him as that verse proclaims we should as His Sheep. Additionally, if you do not know our Lord's voice, how will you know the difference in your thoughts when He speaks to you compared to that of a demonic spirit's voice? The truth is, you won't and you will be deceived if it is demonic in nature. Illustration I was praying with a lady one day who was suicidal. She admitted she was hearing voices as well and she concluded that she had to be crazy. Besides, it was what everyone else thought; including her own doctor, friends, and family. I asked her if she wanted to pray and she said that she did. As we prayed, exactly as you have read about in this testimony, she began to experience blockage to her own thoughts. This can only mean one of three things. The person is mentally ill and literally is incapable of focusing on certain thoughts, they are dissociative, or they are being demonically influenced. I asked this lady if she wanted to find out the truth and she said yes. I prayed and in the name of the True Lord Jesus Christ, I set down parameters for any demons that were present to follow. I told them, if they did not obey the rules, I would immediately turn them over to the Lord Jesus Christ. The reason for this is due to the nature of demonic spirits. They love to play with your mind and they love to sidetrack you from finding out the truth, that is, why they have the right to be there in that person's life in the first place. If you spend any other time trying to debate them, you will most likely be fooled. Laying down guidelines or parameters for them to obey sets the rules. If they disobey, they immediately are turned over to Jesus because He is their Lord and Master and they must obey Him and His Word. Once this was done, I asked the Lord Jesus to pick a spokesman, if there was more than one unclean spirit present, to speak and to confess why they have the right to be in this woman's life. This is a good idea unless you want to be talking with different demons all day long. Besides, we don't need to talk to all of them anyway. A demon spoke in this woman's mind and she told me what he said. To make a long story short, the Lord did something very unusual for this lady. When I asked her what she was hearing in her thoughts, she said, "Well, I hear two voices." I asked her what one was saying. She said, "It is saying I am crazy and should be in the hospital to get help." I asked her if she knew who that voice was and she said, "That's a demon." I asked her what the other voice was saying in her thoughts and she said, "He is saying, I am not crazy and He can heal and He cares for me." I asked her if she knew who that was and she said, "that has to be the Lord." I said, "Can you see what the Lord just has done for you?" She said, "What?" I said, "The Lord just proved to you that you are not crazy." I said, "If you were crazy, you could not have told me the difference between those two voices but because you do recognize the difference, the Lord showed you that you are not crazy." This is why it is important that we hear the Lord as we pray and know His voice. Otherwise, we can be easily fooled in to listening to the wrong voice. Conclusion Following the closing of the church I pastored for only eleven months, I began having anxiety and panic attacks. Due to the manic depression, I found it impossible to work. During this three year period of my life, a good friend called one night. "Hey, Phil. This is Bill. I want you to go with me to hear an evangelist speak at First Assemblies of God in Aurora where I am a member." "When is he going to be there?" I asked; thinking I could put him off week by week until he gave up on me. "He is preaching tonight and he is great. I want to pick you up tonight." I tried getting out of it but Bill was so insistent, I finally gave in. I had told him no about such things so many times before, I finally decided I couldn't say no any more. I cannot remember this preacher's last name but his first name was Jim. He was good and I actually found myself encouraged by his preaching that night. He wasn't the typical pulpit pounding, overbearing yelling type of preacher like I am, but he was good and I appreciated what he said. Of course, there was an altar call and about everybody in the meeting, including my friend, when forward for prayer. I didn't. Bill returned after being prayed for and asked me if I wanted to go down for prayer. I said I didn't need to but thanked him anyway. We waited, for what, I didn't know. I felt anxiety building and tightness growing in my chest and I wanted to get home. Yet, we sat there doing nothing as others received prayer. Probably thirty minutes passed and my friend said, "Are you sure you don't want him to pray with you? Just about everybody is gone." "Naw," I said; I'm fine. Talk about lying. "Oh, come on, Phil. What can it hurt." Bill knew the depression I had been going through. "All right," I sighed, "let's go." The building was almost empty and few people were left as I was introduced to the evangelist. He took my hand and said, "I bet I know what you want." "I said, "No, I really do not need to pray about being healed and getting my sight back because I have settled that issue with God already." "Then what shall we pray about?" he asked kindly. "I said I was just having a hard time right now and was very discouraged." What an understatement but this man was wiser than I gave him credit. He said, "I want to tell you something. The Lord is going to call you into a deliverance ministry." I immediately broke down and began to cry. Barely able to speak, I said, "I don't want to be in a deliverance ministry," and I explained how I had been demonically attacked already. "No, no," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't mean that type of ministry of casting out demons and all that stuff we think about as Charismatics and Pentecostals. You are going to work with people one- on-one and this will be something totally different. You are going to be greatly used by Godin the new ministry and ministerto many people." We prayed and I thought nothing more about it. I had no idea what he had been talking about until nearly fourteen years later when his personal prophecy concerning my life came to pass. I am now doing exactly what he said the Lord revealed to him about me. If I knew the man's name and how to find him, I would love to talk to him and tell him he really did hear from the Lord that night he prayed for me and the personal prophecy the Lord gave him for me has come to pass. Final Remarks Now, where are you in God? Do you feel his love? When you pray, are you aware of His presence in your life? What about those thoughts in your mind? Why aren't they in agreement with God's Word? Could it be that you, too, are believing a lie? Let me suggest that you go back and read this testimony again and you will see yourself, in some way, in my story. Then pick up your telephone and call me.