I'm Just An Ugly Fish but I can Hear God's Voice
Inferiority, Rejection, and How To Hear God
By Phil Scovell
I turned on the radio one evening and began checking different
stations. It was just after sunset. One of the smaller station that
is about 40 miles distant, had already dropped its transmitting power
to night time operations. I could still hear the signal fairly well
but normally I didn't even bother checking that station at night.
This time, however, a man was saying something that caught my interest
so I turned up the radio and began to listen.
The man was telling a story about his life as a child growing up.
He was never well liked or accepted at school. Due to his above
average weight, he was always picked last for any sports they played
out on the elementary playground. It did not take him long,
therefore, for him to become more of a loner due to other students
ignoring him or literally making fun of him and his weight.
One day, he said, he and his family were fishing. They
apparently lived near one of the ocean coastal regions of the United
States based upon his description. That day, he caught the largest
catch of the whole family. When they pulled it aboard, however, it
was an ugly flounder. These are ocean bottom feeders that spend most
of their time in shallow waters, covered with bottom silt, sand, and
mud, only their eyes moving above their camouflage places of hiding,
and swallowing about anything that swims by. For those of us who are
land lovers, we could compare our river and lake catfish with these
ocean bottom dwellers. One big difference, on the other hand, is the
flounders grow to be from a few inches, to as large as 3 feet, and
they are flat like a pancake. As they grow, their eyes migrate to the
top of one end of the pancake shaped body. They can quickly burrow
beneath the sand and bottom silk, and almost immediately become
invisible. Yes, some are good to eat, I've been told.
As I recall, the man said he was 9 or 10 years old at the time he
caught the ugly looking flounder. After getting it aboard, he looked
down at the bottom feeder he had just caught, and as his family sat
around and laughed at him, he said to himself, "That's me. I'm that
ugly fish." I am guessing it might have been a health food show, or
something, because this station plays such things at that time of
night but I am also basing this assumption on what the man said next.
He said, "When I saw that ugly fish and realized that was what I
looked like, I immediately became a vegetarian." He meant, of course,
he decided he would never again give anyone cause to think of him as
Switching the radio off, I sat in the quiet of my room, and
considered the obviousness of the lie that was so clearly spoken to a
little boy, "I am that ugly fish." No wonder he became a vegetarian.
Inferiority, rejection, and the lack of acceptance can drive a person
to eventually do almost anything to fill the incredible emptiness they
feel inside. I want to focus on the lie the young boy heard in his
thoughts. "That's me. I am that ugly fish."
I could easily speak the names of 50 of the most well known
serial murderers that likely anyone reading this article would know
more than half of them. You might even be able to tell me how many
they killed and their (MO) or Method of Operation. We know them
because of what they became. They forced us to notice them due to
their evil and nefarious acts perpetrated against society. Some
claimed to be Satanist, members of occult groups, covens, involved in
some type of a cult, but most were more loners than anything else.
Regardless, they felt less of a human being for some reason,
eventually rejected for who they were and who they weren't, that is,
they didn't meat the standards of everyone around them, and the lack
of acceptance became literally a form of reverse goal for them.
In my elementary days, I was well accepted and not because I was
smart, received top grades, and was popular. I was accepted because I
was one of the top athletic achievers in the school. Although I lost
my sight at 12 years of age, I still excelled in sports including
wrestling and track and field events at the school for the blind.
Lurking deep below my daily life was the knowledge I was really an
inferior person and although I really didn't experience a large scale
rejection event, it did occur at times during my youth. Later in
life, as an adult, I would experience, not only major rejection
events, but I would relive those I never realized were there, created
as a child, and lay just below the surface, while others were buried
so deep, only major emotional disturbances blew them to the surface of
I was standing in the shower one day when an ugly memory came to
mind. It was a sin I had committed while I was 16 years old and using
LSD, Marijuana, hash, speed, and just about anything else I could lay
my hands on at the time. I was learning to pray in a special
intercessory way for myself at the time I was standing in the shower
and this memory surfaced. I emotionally cringed each time this memory
came to mind and it came often. Why? Because the memory contained
information based upon a lie. This time, as I continued to shower, I
focused on the memory and in my thoughts, asked the Lord why this
memory kept returning. I knew it contained a lie because the memory
literally hurt emotionally each and every time I saw it. My confusion
was based upon reoccurring guilt. You see, I had confessed what I had
done as sin hundreds of times but the guilt never seemed to leave the
memory. That confused me even further because I knew I was forgiven
the first time I prayed and confessed my sin to the Lord so why didn't
the guilt go away?
The Lord said in my thoughts,"How did you feel at the time?"
"Stupid," I quickly replied. "It was just so plain stupid."
"Yes, and how did you feel other than stupid for what you did?"
"I thought. "I don't know," I finally said sheepishly.
"What did you do after committing this sin?" the Holy Spirit said
conversationally in my thoughts.
As the hot shower water struck my back, I suddenly saw the lie.
I wanted to tell my friends, my drug and hippie friends, what I had
done. They would say, "That's weird, Scovell," and I would be
excepted even more. Weird was the name of the game for acid heads and
thus I was well "accepted" by my friends. The memory was suddenly
clear of guilt. Now when the memory returns, as it does occasionally,
I just feel stupid, the guilt is gone, because the lie the guilt was
based upon, that is, "You have to be accepted to be liked," and since
I see the lie for what it is, it no longer generates guilt.
What you have just read is a description of the renewing of the
mind talked about in the New Testament by the Apostle Paul in at least
four places. (See Romans 12:1-2, II Corinthians 2:16, Ephesians 4:22-
24, Philippians 3:13-15, Colossians 3:10). The communication that I
described, on the other hand, is called prayer. It is a spiritual
intimate form of prayer that occurs, or should, freely and
automatically, and should come as naturally as walking and breathing.
Yes, you can learn how to pray without ceasing in this fashion.
Additionally, you learn, during the process, the difference between
your voice, the voice of the Holy Spirit, and the voice of the Enemy,
that is, Satan and or his lying spirits.
I am going to teach you more than I know. That means, what you
are about to read is my personal opinion. Although it may be an
opinion, it is based upon literally thousands of hours spent reading
God's Word over 100 times, comparing Scripture with Scripture, the
study of God's word over more than four decades, the hermeneutical and
exegetical examination of Scripture, and the personal application I
have experienced walking with the Lord since my New Birth over 50
years ago. You may choose to agree or think my conclusions are
erroneous but it makes no difference to me. I want, on the other
hand, to give you reason, and Biblical evidence, to understand why I
believe the way I do about prayer and communing with God which brings
about newness of mind.
The first recorded communications with the Creator we know about
is found in the early chapters of the book of Genesis. I would
suggest, if you have the time, to stop and read Genesis chapters 1, 2
and 3 before continuing. Otherwise, please do take time to read those
Most of us are aware that the Scriptures record that God spoke
all life and everything in the universe into physical existence. I
believe God spoke vocally and audibly into nothingness and at the
"sound of His voice," all things instantly existed. Now, I realize
that there are many Godly Christian who believe God created matter,
that is, atoms with all their subatomic particles, and from that, all
life evolved over millions of years. I personally do not believe
this, and for many reasons, but I understand why some do. I choose
not to debate that issue at this time because that, in and of itself,
is not the topic at hand. My point, and my opinion as previously
stated, is that God spoke, using His own voice, literally, and the
resonance of his voice was heard and felt in the total darkness of
nothingness void and things existed instantly and were complete.
Now, let's fast forward to the end of the week of creation when
man and woman were created. We all know the bible says, they were
created in the image of God. I believe this is true physiologically
and spiritually. We read, "And man became a living soul," after the
Lord God breathed into man His own eternal breath, or literally,
breathed into the man His own eternal life. Satan, who, most likely,
had already been kicked out of Heaven, sat up and took notice. He
thought, you see, that he would be ruling the world but the early
chapters of Genesis make it clear; Adam and Eve were crowned the
global rulers. They were given dominion over everything on the earth
and that included Satan. The old boy wasn't happy either and set out
to try and destroy them.
Let me stop for a moment to use a simple illustration that may
shed a little light upon what I am moving toward concerning the idea
of communicating with God.
How does a father, for example, exercise discipline over one of
his children? First and foremost, he speaks. We think infants don't
understand us because they have not reached the stage of awareness and
personal identity. This is untrue and science has proved they do hear
and they do understand long before they are even born, that is, while
still growing in their mother's womb. Ask any pediatrician and he
will tell you to talk to your baby. Why? the infant's mind is still
developing and it began during the early stages of the last trimester.
Words train up a child in the way that he should go. Screaming words
won't help much. I know that from personal child rearing experiences
with my three children. Plus, it makes you look stupid and scares the
child. God didn't need to scream into the darkness of nothingness, He
just spoke. Why? Because words are creative. You don't think that's
true? Have you ever had your feelings hurt? Someone spoken hurtful
words to you, didn't they? It created a negative emotional response
which resulted in sadness, sorrow, and pain. Have you ever laughed at
a funny joke? Why? Words created a positive emotional response. How
do you feel when complimented or criticized? See, words do still
create, don't they? Green thumbs speak to their plants. Ranchers
speak to their cows. Cowboys rode around the herds at night they were
driving to market and spoke softly, and some sang, to calm the cattle
to prevent any type of a stampede. We even train animals, especially
dogs, to obey voice commands. Words work and they still create, in a
manner of speaking, today.
There is yet another, I consider higher, form of communication.
For years, in science fiction books and shows and movies, it has been
called mental telepathy. Simply, it is a wordless form of
communicating, mind to mind or thought to thought with others without
speaking. Even if not a single scientific study has ever even proven
mental telepathy works, I can prove it. When my little sister and I
were fiddling around and doing something we knew we shouldn't be
doing, like playing too loudly in a nearby room while mom and dad were
visiting with other grownups in the living room, all it took was one
look from dad, no words spoken, and we clammed right up. Of course,
that isn't exactly mental telepathy but it's a start.
I suggested you read the first three chapters of Genesis,
especially the third chapter, because I personally believe that Adam
and Eve didn't have to verbalize to communicate with each other or
with the Creator God. Read the chapters carefully and I think you can
see what I mean. I could be mistaken, of course, but I have a good
reason why I think I'm correct.
Let's jump right into the day Adam and Eve were created and stop
on Genesis 2:25 which says, "And they were both naked, the man and his
wife, and were not ashamed." I would like to suggest that this is
perhaps one of the most confusing verses in all of the Bible. How
many Sunday School children are taught to memorize this verse? I know
I wasn't. I know, the first time I read the verses as a teenager, it
caught my attention, sort of speak, and made me stop and think. Does
it you, too, or am I all alone in this situation? Regardless, I have
studied each word in this little verse attempting to figure out how
the two smartest people who have ever lived on the planet weren't,
apparently, aware that they were naked. I find that impossible to
believe. It isn't even logical.
There are two answers. First, they did know. That's right.
Adam and Eve were well aware they wore no clothes. The word for
"ashamed," or literally, they were not ashamed of their nakedness,
breaks down to this: They were not confused about their nudity. The
depth of this meaning of the word "ashamed," carries with it the idea
that they were not confused about who God was, in light of their
nakedness, that is, they were aware of God as their Creator, they were
not confused of who they were, in light of their nakedness, that is,
they were perfectly aware of their own individual identities, and they
most definitely, as husband and wife, both naked as jay birds as my
mom used to say, were totally and utterly aware of their own sexual
identities as male and female. In short, they knew what to do. Don't
forget, God Himself, their Creator, told them to be fruitful and
multiply and you know, and I know, God wasn't instructing them on diet
nor on the use of a calculator. Think about it. Wouldn't you say
that sexual intimacy between a husband and wife that love each other
is the highest form of telepathy known today? In fact, I believe it
is a spiritual union experience that only a husband and wife in love
can share. It is mutually exclusive and not for any one else to
experience. Why? God said, oneness occurs between a husband and
wife, they become one flesh, through sexual intercourse. That makes
sexual intimacy and expressiveness the most powerful silent language a
married couple can share.
So, someone is saying about this time, "What in the Sam Hill does
this have to do with anything?" Did you forget that we were
discussing mental telepathy? Apparently so. Well, let's get back to
that topic now.
Some believe that Adam and Eve radiated something which might be
called theophanic light. No, I'm not talking about the metaphysical
or paranormal or parapsychological ability to see "auras." I am
talking about glorified bodies. I am talking about the glory of God.
I am talking about the Shekinah glory that is God's eternal
quintessence of being. I believe this is His complete holiness and
righteousness and everything that is the essence of God and is
impossible for man to look upon without instantly winking out of
existence. This illumination, radiance, luminescence, shining,
etherial brilliance is indeed the essence of God's existence and is
very likely the same glowing burning existence of the nature of his
creation of mankind when He made Adam and Eve. I believe this essence
of life clothed Adam and Eve in a light we cannot understand. Thus,
they appeared, to the rest of the world as gods, including fallen
angels, Satan, and holy angels still in Heaven, because they were made
in God's image. Notice I spelled "gods" with a small letter (g) and
not a capital letter. Now, don't get bent out of shape because I am
not one who embraces a more New age theology that we are gods. This
concept leads me to believe that when they communicated, talked,
vocalization was totally unnecessary. Stop and think about what I
just said and then consider this question. Does God need a language
or did He create language so we could commune with him? Does God
verbally communicate with us now as he once did with the prophets, for
example, in the Old Testament? Keep in mind, until the Tower of
Babel, there was only a single language throughout the world. Then,
because of their sin, and their high developed intelligence to create
evil, God scrambled their ability to communicate through a single
language. And you thought God had no sense of humor. Regardless,
don't you find the creation of other languages curious? I do. I
think even up to that point in time, the vocal language was still so
close to the original, that words were still holy and incredibly
powerful concerning the ability to not only communicate but possibly
to create in some way. You can take this as far as you wish or cut it
off at any point because it is largely my opinion. I personally am
convinced, on the other hand, when we receive our glorified bodies,
they will be even better than what Adam and Eve shared at the moment
of their creation. Furthermore, I also believe we will experience the
full capacity of our brains and minds. Thus, my second point that
Adam and Eve and the Creator needed no language to communicate is
based upon total brain functionality but there is more.
Reading from Genesis chapter three, seems quite ostentatious
concerning the immediate break down in communications between Adam and
the Creator at the very point sin was committed by them both. The
first time we are told about God coming to walk with his own creation
during the cool of the day, He, God, has to "call" for them. Wait a
minute. I thought God was omnipotent. Didn't God know where to find
Adam and Eve or was something else going on? He knew where they were,
of course, but that part of Chapter 3 says that God had to call to
them, that is, use words. Could this perhaps be the first time God
the Creator had to use language to communicate with Adam and Eve? I
think it is very likely. In fact, I believe it was God's way of
proving to the man and his wife that they had died. Their brains no
longer communicated via the mind with the Creator. They were dead,
cut off, and alone; their nakedness now apparent because they had no
more theophanic light which they had been given to them by God at the
moment of their creation.
You all know the rest of the story so I won't belabor the point.
I wanted to share this much information, however, to point out that it
is not at all strange to think, God the Holy Spirit, speaks to us in
our thoughts. In a manner of speaking, we could say, therefore, we
have spiritual mental telepathy with God. Simply put, the Bible calls
this form of communications, prayer.
From this point, we could dive headfirst into the New Testament
and I could point out many verses and Scriptural passages relating to
having the "Mind of God," and "the mind of Christ," and many other
such scriptures which I believe confirm what God is trying to tell us.
"And what is that?" you ask. Jesus told His disciples that He had to
go back to Heaven before the Holy Spirit could come and dwell within
them. When He came, they were told, the Holy Spirit would guide them
into all truth and show them things to come. You can read about all
this in the 16TH chapter of John's Gospel. My point is, according to
Romans chapter 8 in relationship to the Holy Spirit, we are told that
He, the Holy Spirit, makes intercession for us to God. The Holy
Spirit Speak, that is, talks, or communicates, with the Father in our
behalf. "Doing what?" The Holy Spirit is talking with the Father and
the Son, who is our great intercessor, about God's will, which is you,
and how to develop the most spiritually intimate relationship with us
which passes all understanding. Read it for yourself in Romans
chapter 8:28-29 if you doubt what I just said.
Most people with whom I pray, try and tell me that they just
don't hear the Lord. This isn't, of course, due to the fact God isn't
speaking. It may not even be due to the fact they are not listening.
Situations and circumstances beyond our control act as a smoke screen,
a barrier, wall, or in simplistic terms, just a lot of noise which
keeps us off balance and unable to focus emotionally and mentally on
Christ as the one in charge.
Let me show you something in the Bible I always find quite
interesting. I think this will shed a little more light on what I am
trying to say.
23 "Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover, in the feast day,
many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all
25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what
was in man, (John 2:24-25).
The Gospel of John focuses on eight miracles. John concludes his
Gospel, on the other hand, by telling us that if all of the works of
Jesus were recorded in book form, the volumes would overflow the
entire world. If you ask me, that's a lot of miracles in three and a
half years. No, regardless of what you may have heard or read or seen
in a movie from noncanonical gospels, Jesus did no miracles before He
was filled with the Holy Spirit or whom the Bible calls The Holy
Ghost. Don't become alarmed with the word "Ghost." That's just an
old King James English word which means "guest." If you doubt what I
said about Jesus did no miracles before He was filled with the Holy
Spirit, read Matthew 4:1-11 and Mark 1:12-13 and Luke 4:1-14 and see
what you think. Better yet, just read all four Gospels and then show
me just one miracle Jesus did before He was filled with the Holy
Spirit. How long has it been since you sat down and read through the
Gospels anyhow but I digress.
So, now, let me point out some words in John 2:23-25 that I just
First, verse 23 tells us that many believed in His name based
upon the miracles they saw. That sounds good, doesn't it? Not so
fast, Quick Draw. Check out verse 24 before you answer. I'll quote
it again right here so you won't have to go back in the text to find
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew
It is the word "commit" that I find extremely revealing. I
looked it up in my Greek lexicon and guess what? The word "commit,"
which the King James translators used, is rendered in the Greek as
"believe." You heard me, "believe." Literally, therefore, Jesus did
not believe them.
Two things must be immediately noted. First, The word rendered
"commit" is used by John the Disciple exactly 100 times in his Gospel.
You might find it interesting to note that John does not use the word
"faith" a single time throughout the entire Gospel.
Secondly, it is the same exact Greek word used as "believed,"
that is, "many believed in His name," in the previous verse. So what
does that mean? I think it means that people followed him, saw his
miracles, and believed in His earthly name, Jesus, and not his eternal
name, Lord and Christ or Messiah. In other words, they believe He was
a miracle worker and not the Messiah. Thus, Jesus did not believe
them in return. Do you see it? It could also mean they did literally
believe but only for their healing but had no intention on following
Jesus or living in Jesus. Well, this is just a side bar. Let's get
to the meat of this passage.
The word "knew" is used in verses 24 and 25, "Because He (knew)
all men," and "For he (knew) what was in man," and they are both the
same Greek word. It's meaning is (to know, understand, to be well
acquainted with,) and in the Old Testament, the word is used as a
Jewish idiom which refers to sexual intercourse. I thought that might
get your attention. Furthermore, it means (to see with the mind's
eye,) and (a mental perception.) In essence, Jesus did not believe
these people were believing in Him, just in His earth name as a
miracle working man, and furthermore, he knew them intimately. How?
Through mental perception using His (mind's eye). Quite simply, Jesus
knew their thoughts. The question then becomes, does he know our
thoughts, too? the answer is, yes.
If we have God dwelling in us in the form of the Holy Spirit as
Born Again Believers, then we have access, direct access, to the
Father God through our spirits. The Bible confirms we have become new
creations in Christ. This had to be done or the Holy Spirit could not
dwell within us. Thus, the Holy Spirit can, and does, speak to us,
and so can God through His Son Jesus Christ. What did you think
prayer was all about in the first place? Did you think it was a one
way conversation where you did all the talking and expected no answer?
If so, that's one good reason why you haven't been hearing the Lord in
your mind or getting your prayers answered.
By this time, I suppose you think I have totally forgotten where
I began. You know? The story about the little boy identifying
himself as an ugly fish? I didn't forget so let's talk about that
First, what the little boy said wasn't even logically true. He
was not a fish, he wasn't a flounder, and he wasn't ugly. Beyond
that, and most importantly, his conclusion was based upon lies. These
were lies other children spoke to him about how worthless and useless
he was. Apparently, his own family made fun of him and God only knows
how many horrible things they threw in his face as he was growing up.
Most of all, the granddaddy lie of all was the one the Enemy, a lying
spirit spoke to him when he said, "That's me. I'm that ugly fish." I
know this was a demonic lie the Enemy spoke because Jesus would never
speak any such thing into the mind of an adult, not to mention a 9 or
10 year little boy. When I heard this man tell his story about his
childhood, I instantly realized a little boy had been lied to by the
Enemy. He turned out for good as a result so it backfired on Satan.
Many other little boys and girls don't fair so well when they were
lied to as little injured children.
Let's talk about how it works from a practical standpoint. The
Bible talks about taking every thought captive. This command used to
frustrate me to no end. How can you literally take every thought
captive. You can't but God can. How? Learn to pray until it becomes
as natural as walking and breathing. We don't think about breathing
at all, yet we do it or we die. Walking is natural and although our
brain is alert and sending the command signals, we are not aware of
it. Praying without ceasing and taking every thought captive, is no
Remember the man said, "That's me. I'm that ugly fish." He then
said, "I became a vegetarian from that moment on." What have you
become based upon the lies the Enemy has spoken into your thoughts?
Can you hear the Lord's voice speaking louder, and more clearly, in
your thoughts than compared to that of the Stranger According to John
10:4 when Jesus said His sheep know His voice and a stranger they will
not follow? What about that perpetual guilt that just won't go away,
or the grief that just puts you to sleep at night with the weight of
loneliness trying to crush the life out of you, or the shame that you
actually enjoyed it when it happened, or the fear of the dark you
still have as an adult? Do you walk in the newness of mind because
you know how to pray and how to listen for the voice of the Lord and
how to recognize a lie from the Enemy? Are you walking in light or is
it still darkness even though you know you are born again?
Learning to pray is not all that difficult. That is why my
definition for prayer is "Exchanging our thoughts for God's." It is a
talking and listening communication. Praying and asking God, that is
making petition, is perhaps the easier part. Often, the problem of
not receiving is based upon not being aware of His eternal presence in
your life and lies, many very old, hindering us from hearing His
voice, His answers, and His ways. If you need help getting started,
let me know. Also read the many other articles and testimonies on my
website and see how it works.
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