Blinded By A Doublebind

                               By Phil Scovell

          She had been  just a little girl when  her father began molesting
     her.  Later, as a teenager, she would learn from her mother that early
     in their marriage, sexual intercourse had ceased to exist because she,
     the mother, no  longer wanted that type of intimacy  from her husband.
     The  little girl,  therefore, became  his unholy  sexual outlet.   No,
     there are no excuses  here.  Sin is sin and evil is  evil and crime is
     crime and  this is all of  that.  Today,  such a molester would  go to
     prison and the mother would go free in spite of  her sin but both will
     be judged as accountable before the  Judgement Seat of Christ some day
     regardless of societal lack.

          We were praying.  The vivid memory of a teenager came to mind and
     she  began to cry.  We  prayed some more.  "I'm ashamed," she admitted
     through her tears.

          "I understand," I said quietly.  "It's ok."

          She confessed  the memory was of her mid  teens.  She entered her
     father's  bedroom as he stood in front of a dresser and prepared to go
     out.  A mirror on the back of the dresser reflected their image.  "I'm
     so  ashamed of what I did, Phil.  I  don't think I can tell you."  She
     was crying nearly uncontrollably now.

          "You  don't have  to go  there if you  can't.   Just listen."   I
     prayed more and asked for the Lord to show her the way.

          "Oh, I  am so ashamed," she repeated.  "I was trying to show off.
     I was trying to get my dad to notice me."

          "Notice  you how?" I  encouraged; knowing the  answer already but
     also knowing this was where the Lord had led her.

          "I wanted him to notice me sexually," and now  her words, through
     her crying, were almost  unintelligible.  "It  was all so wrong,"  she

          I said softly, "You knew it was wrong when you were little, too?"

          "Yes," she wept and whimpered almost as a little girl.

          "He even  tried again years  later when you  were 13 but  you ran
     from him.  Right?" I asked.

          "Yes, I did run away from him.  It was wrong and I knew it.  Then
     why did I try and show off this time to him?  I knew better."

          "That's  a good  question," I  said.   "Lord Jesus,  what is  the
     answer to her question?  Why did she try and  show off sexually to get
     her father to notice her in her mid teens?"

          As  she  cried quietly,  she  finally  said,   as  the  spiritual
     awareness bloomed in her spirit, "I was deceived."

          "yes," I responded, "you were.   Furthermore, you were trapped in
     a doublebind."

          She asked what that might be.

          "It is when  the Enemy deceives us  into believing a lie  with no
     way out, that is, we are trapped at either end."

          "Then,"  she said,  "how was  I trapped  in this situation  as an
     older teenager and my dad?  I knew  by this time it was wrong and even

          "Of  course  you did.    When  you were  4  and 5  years  old," I
     explained,  your little mind wasn't  mature enough to fully understand
     all that was  happening to you.   Besides, it was your dad.   Your dad
     loved  you so how could what  he was doing be  wrong?  That's what you
     thought anyway.   Yes, even this concept alone  conceived confusion in
     the little girl's  mind.  Then, when  the little girl grew  older, her
     power of  reasoning matured  and she  knew it  was wrong  and she  ran

          "But I still don't understand,"  she interrupted, "why I tried to
     get him to  notice me sexually as an older teenager?  It was hideously

          "What was the one word  answer the Lord told you when I asked Him
     to reveal the truth of that question to you?"

          "He said I was deceived."

          "Right,"  I  agreed.   "The  Enemy  deceived  you into  thinking,
     because  of what  happened  repeatedly  as a  little  girl who  didn't
     understand, it  was now  ok as  a big  girl because,  after all,  your
     father  loved you, and  you loved your  father.  It  was a  lie of the
     Enemy as a little girl and it was still a lie as a big girl."

          "I see it now," she almost whispered.   The devil lied to me from
     the beginning.

          The man said, "But why did I do it?"

          He  was referring  to a  teenage incident  where he  molested his
     younger  sister.    There  had been  no  penetration,  no skin-to-skin
     contact, and no removal of clothing but  regardless, it was sin and he
     knew it.  The man had lived his entire life with the guilt and trapped
     by it's heaviness for decades.

          "I was a Christian at the  time, too.  I knew better.   I knew it
     was  wrong.  I knew it was sin but  I still did it.  Why?" he pleaded.
     Although  the man  was free of  the sin,  unless he  found the  way of
     escape God had  prepared for him, the  guilt would return and  he knew

          "Lord, why did he do it?" we prayed together.

          The man suddenly sat very still as if something had just  entered
     the quietness  of the room and he were listening.  Then he sat up.  "I
     heard  it.  I  know the answer,"  he announced confidently.   "This is

          "What was that," he was asked.

          "I did it because I was deceived."

          "You are right," the intercessor answered.

          "I'm free!  I'm totally  free," the man proclaimed with finality.
     "It's gone for ever," and so it was.  The man now  saw God's truth and
     knew it wasn't  what he really wanted  to do; it was what  he had been
     deceived into  doing.  That  is, he  was deceived into  committing sin
     which only a loving God could forgive  who had vicariously died in his

          A woman  was enjoying the  afternoon.  The weather  was beautiful
     and she had enjoyed her walk.

          "It's a beautiful tree, isn't it?" came the smooth pleasant silky
     voice from the exquisitely beautiful shining creature.

          She stopped  and looked.  "Yes, as a  matter of fact, it is quite
     beautiful.  Everything  God makes is beautiful," she  commented as she
     had so many hundreds of times over the years.

          "Have  you noticed  the fruit?"  the voice asked.   "It,  too, is
     quite beautiful.  It must be delicious."

          The woman said nothing but watched.

          "Why not try some of the fruit?  After all, you deserve it."

          "Oh, no," she replied.   "We are forbidden.   In fact, if  we eat
     the fruit of this tree, we will die.  We aren't even suppose to  touch

          "Oh, come on," the voice  chuckled.  "Die?  that's a laugh.   You
     are eternal.  You  can't die.  Besides, if you  eat this fruit, you'll
     be like  me; like a god.   You'll know  everything; good and evil.   I
     know good from evil and I am eternal as are you."

          The woman  stepped closer.   The fruit was lovely  in appearance.
     It  certainly  would  be  good  tasting as  beautiful  as  it  looked.
     Somehow, it even appeared that to eat of such fruit would increase her
     wisdom, too, so  she gingerly pulled the  fruit from a branch  and bit
     into its richness.

          I'm certain  this story  is familiar, if  you've read  the Bible,
     because this was  what happened to Eve and eventually  to her husband,
     Adam.  Do you see the  doublebind Satan used on Eve just as  He has on
     others?  If  she didn't eat the fruit,  she wouldn't be as a  god.  If
     she did, on the other hand, she would be as  God; wise and eternal and
     all knowing.  Who wouldn't want that?  Eve was trapped by the words of
     the Evil One for  such was his plan.   She was deceived by the  master

          Are you trapped as well?  Has he also used a doublebind on you as
     he has on so  many others throughout time?  There is  a way of escape.
     It is the Word of God expressed  in His voice.  If you cannot  clearly
     hear His voice, you, too, will be locked in deceitfulness for ever and
     carry  the guilt of your own sin.   Jesus died to make His voice clear
     and to lift the guilt away.  Yes, that means even you.

     Safe Place Fellowship
     Phil Scovell
     Denver, Colorado
     Mountain Time Zone

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